Monthly Archives: February 2024

A well of sleep

Physically I am tired, though I do sleep reasonably well. I have very little confidence about going out socially on my own at present, (though I do have abit of social contact but really not quite enough) and it is making me feel a bit isolated. I am not too sure what to do about that really as my best laid plans don’t seem to be working at all. I had hoped by now it would get easier but its not working that way. I suppose fundamentally we cannot change our personality type. It’s a nuisance though. At present in between the odd gig, rehearsals and writing and recording I am watching far to much you tube. I have lost it somewhere along the way. Maybe it’s just the effect of getting a little older. Making friends is hard. Or rather finding a good close friend that you can trust is hard. Really hard. I must make the effort somehow.

Shouting in a Bucket
This song is 7 years old now. That is a surprise.

Its obvious that there are a lot of inaccurate populist notions about gender/sex built mostly on fear that are exploited on both sides (and by politicians for cheap votes) and unsophisticated people will and do fall for it. And of course it helps distract from stuff like “people in small boats” and supporting a nation with military aid that is committing war crimes….In other news, I still have a decent following for my Music in both Russia and Ukraine according to my play stats. How inclusive am I then. Another moan, why is it people always assume that one has never done research into anything before commenting. Perhaps because most keyboard warriors don’t perchance?

The suns is shining again here as I type this. The daylight is lasting a little longer too now.

I have also been putting some music on TikTok as they now distribute tracks too. I am not sure how useful it is but the tracks do rack up a decent number of plays statistically if you post them with a slideshow or video.

I got into a Facebook discussion against my better judgement and am feeling a bit battered by it to be honest.

On Facebook the rule seems to be never “Never let a fact get in the way”.
“What larks, Pip, what larks” 
I have learnt my lesson….

Painted Smiles

Especially for winter. The Valentine’s day post. There are a lot of very lonely people about of a certain age it seems.

Here be monsters, when I read the news. Its not getting any better. You can it seems die of innocence in many parts of the world. On my drive to rehearsals the signs of an early spring are popping up. Its also very warm again for this time of year. A sign that the world is changing perhaps? Tell me if you have heard this one before. My body complains as ever so no change there. I am finding it difficult to keep up the effort to exercise daily, but hopefully over all I am doing enough.

Currently I am working on a new solo piano tune running through various variations on a theme. I will let it ferment a while.

Talking of ferment. Mostly things are jogging along reasonably OK as in having fun with music and having a bit of regular social contact. Really I can’t complain on that score. What’s going on in the world upsets me greatly. Gaza obviously. Ukraine I saw on a BBC news report is having munitions shortages now which makes me think that Putin “winning” is now very lightly indeed. Even Labour winning a couple of by-elections relatively locally did not give me much chear, as IMO as I feel they one simply by not being as awful as the other lot.

And as I type this:
“Jailed Russian opposition politician Alexei Navalny dead, says prison service”
https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/live/world-68316979 Well no surprise there really. They got him in the end though they took their time about it..

I had a quick panic about possible unpaid bills and of course having checked I had indeed paid them on time. What triggered it was having more money than expected. Of course it’s now a year since having a reasonable stable income that is not dependent on music and performance.
My emotional brain has not caught up with my logical one yet it seems.

Confidence and Imposter Syndrome

Some days you feel like a fraud. Well I do. Yes indeed. What’s to be done about it? I have got a little lazy recently, not learning things properly. It’s a mindset that is easy to get into. I was very anxious when I arrived at the gig yesterday. Much more than the last time I played there. I did relax as it progressed. Just one of those things I guess. If I was doing regular solo stuff I would be OK with it I think. So its all back to doing stuff locally a bit I guess if I want to try and progress that side of things more. I really do find that I cant learn stuff just for the sake of it. I have to apply it somehow for it to stick. Although I can still learn new tricks I need a reason or an external challenge to spur me on and make it stick. Solo is a rare thing for me and to be honest really a last resort unless I turn it in to a piano bar thing with lots of standards (American song book 30s to 50s) and some originals. I just prefer working with others. It’s a little less intense.My performances are a bit variable at times I feel.

The sun is out as I write today. Another week of rain expected though. I have two rehearsals this week to fit in. But not much else. I looked at a song I have written, and played it. It’s not quite ripe for recording yet though. So in the meantime I have started working on another idea.

So here is a recent one to be getting on with instead:

I must go now and check how the sunset is proceeding.

The sunset was excellent and I hartly approved of it. A very good effort indeed.