Monthly Archives: September 2021

Just History Repeating Itself Again.

It’s not been a good day.  3 Steps forward and 2 back again. Any attempt to simplify one’s life inevitably turns out to give the reverse of that outcome. Perhaps it is an unwritten  law of the universe?  Still we are in uncharted waters here. 

I had view of the still pictures from the video shoot I did recently with Jon Bickley. Some interesting and characterful shots among them. They do not look at all as if they have been shot in the garden of a terraced house at all.

Mostly I am carrying on with what I normally do, recording, writing and I am involved in some side projects too.  So I have stuff going on and I am keeping busy with it.  I am struggling a bit on a personal level at present and I am taking things day to day as much as possible.  I feel outside everything now as if the world has lost its meaning to me. I heed to do things day to day to keep going but I am feeling totally numb.  It’s unlike my previous depressive episodes in its feelings and flavours.  It’s pretty weird.

I am still writing music though perhaps I am like a hamster on a wheel racing to nowhere at times. It can feel like that. The seasons changing now and I think this winter is going to be a difficult one for me to get through as I have lost my compass.






September 2021 whats a foot then

Out of my studio window i can see the moon as the sun sets on the opposite side of the house. It always feels magical to see the moon in a still blue sky as it did when I was a child.  I am wrestling with lyrics again and a sudden rush of writer’s block. I have no words again but a  good hooky track waiting for a vocal. I need inspiration not perspiration.  

A hint of something new has popped up on the horizon musically in terms of side projects. I shan’t get too excited yet about it.  We live in hope and all that though.
But just maybe….

I am still not feeling that well.  Headaches and tiredness but not covid. its very tedious.   



My car is due for MOT next week and I wonder if it will pass. I have no idea at all.  So fingers and toes crossed and all that. Cars are skittish things at times  and unpredictable unless you are a guru versed in the sacred knowledge.  A mere acolyte may well be lead astray when tiptoeing  in to the realm of  such dark and arcane matters. 

I am quite glad that I don’t have too much going on at the moment to be honest. A very nice moonscape again tonight. I think on balance I quite like having our balcony rather than one of those small patio/gardens as the outlook is really rather nice. I remembered the gist of what the song idea I had in the bath was about. I will let that ferment a bit. I think I am sort of going through a change at present. I am seeing the world very differently all of a sudden. It is perhaps a change in priorities in some sense. 

At present I seem to spend half the day in a revery and the rest being creative sort of on the music side. Before I would have got bored or frustrated but the pace seems to suit me at present. I feel as if I am gathering together the separate threads of my life and allowing them to reorder themselves somehow. Its difficult to explain but I had a similar feeling when I started to recover from my last major bout of depression about 14 years ago that I had remained the same somehow but now inhabited an altered but reasonably familiar world that I had wandered into. 




Summers Last Fling



Its suddenly warm and the sun has returned to confuse us all as it is  now meteorological autumn. Today I am not feeling so great with a headache, but it’s not the rona, as I have just done a test.  The rhythm of the late summer days continues lazily as you would expect. Music pops in to may head as ever. I have  a sort of gospel tune brewing up now on the piano that feels like it has legs. On a walk I saw a snow white cat. Just perfect for a Bond villain to nestle in their arms. It politely said “Meow”, and let me pet it and licked my knees. Is this a good omen or are my knees particularly dirty? I know very little about cats to be fair, but it seemed a very proper and correct well mannered one. I should have taken a picture but strangely I didn’t. perhaps I should seek out that cat again?

My health is a little out of wac as they say at present, but I am rolling along just about. I am not sure how much my depression is affecting me at present. I feel a bit off but less anxious than I have been for a while. I have been trying a new approach to helping my  arthritis with a supplement which seems to have helped somewhat along with my other daily routines.  I do feel very tired though again which is a bit worrying. 

I seemed to have found finally a garage that will do  a service and MOT but also collect and deliver. That makes life a bit easier in present circumstances. Fingers crossed for that as cars are tricky coves and one never knows. As I write this there is a  remembrance of  the 9/11 attack taking place. Its now 20 years past but still very vivid to recall the news breaking.  I was working as a civil servant at the time and we pressed a TV set in to action when we finally found one. It’s never seemed quite real.