Monthly Archives: March 2021

Dreams and passing fancies

The sun’s  been out again here. I have been talking too much again as well but enough of that.  I have even had a couple of uninterrupted night’s sleep.  Its getting livelier out and about with a lot more people in evidence enjoying the weather.  I have been taking a short break from recording as I seem to have got in to a bit of a groundhog day  loop at the moment.  I have a theme written out to play with but I have deliberately let it lie for a day or two to think about a slightly different approach maybe.  Maybe I should start with a rhythm again? 

So I have been thinking again about the courage of my convictions or lack of same.  Yes more introspection and currently there is no cure it seems. Everyone Is in a fog of nostalgia and navel gazing  it seems. Time still ticks on though, and we are a journey we cannot delay or divert but  also we cannot know our arrival time or destination.   

Land of longer daylight

So sunset moves a little later from today.  Its dull here and cloudy and slightly windy so there are not many folk out except for a few dog walkers and the occasional passing EDM bass drum riffing from the passing traffics sound system. So no particular outbreak of sunny up land isums today from the general populace.  Its so dull we wont get much of a sunset either by the look of things. 

Yesterday was spent mostly sketching out musical ideas. So I have the outline for a new number that really ought to be a song sitting on the music stand. Its watching me begging for attention like a friendly dog or unfed cat, but I am ignoring it at present.  I should really make more use of programming drum rhythms as I have the facilities and it does make a more or organic vibe to the tracks. just that little extra thing but seems quite a benefit. Also the sheer mental exercise cant hurt either.  The wind chimes on my balcony came adrift from there moorings  which somewhat broke my revery too.  I had an interesting discussion with a songwriting friend who I have recently been collaborating with via na online live link.  He said  “I write songs, but you make records”. My approach to music is often made with arrangement in mind that would often be difficult to replicate in a live environment with te kind of resources I have. Often what I create tends to sound more and more as though its the sound track from some unmade film. This is not a conscious thing, it’s just the way it manifests itself now frequently. I seem to have mislaid the ability to just write a song by picking up a guitar and bashing out the lyrics. I suppose it’s the way my head works now and a year of virtual isolation has pushed me further in that direction. This may all sound somewhat pretentious but it is not meant to in any way. It’s Just the way I do things now.  In my defense I have been doing it for about 40 years or so. perhaps I am a bit set in my way now.    As I write this I am listen to a few recent tracks playing back at fairly low volume.  That’s usually a good test of how well a track works, if it works at a just above ambient playback level.  At present writing and recording and composing  is about the only thing keeping me sane and frankly it’s getting to be touch and go in recent weeks.  

At the time of writing we are just about to have the first level of opening up of the lockdown for meeting people outside. I don’t think that it will make much difference to me personally yet until its possible to meet people indoors. That will not be until mid May assuming that there are no hiccups. Perhaps then I will be able to think about getting things prepared to a potential return to some sort of live performance again and the opportunity to work face to face with other musicians again.   It will be interesting to see if there is much more in the way of people out and about.  I am guessing here it will not be much different with mums and kids roaming about in the short term.  The promise is that on June 21 we seriously unlock  and I really hope that happens otherwise what is the point of the current vaccination program?  

I have pretty much lost touch with casual acquaintances now apart from a few facebook message. two of my close trusted friends died within the last two years. That’s not helping me with attempts to keep on top of things as I have gotten into a very negative mindset.  I have continued generalized anxiety that will not abate as well.  I have tried everything to sort this out and it seems nothing much helps.
Is there a roadmap for  back to normal. I am not convinced. 

So here is a tune for you all.


Its not getting any easier yet.

This week has seen me mostly getting very, very depressed. I have been trying to keep busy as much as possible but the last few days have seen me grinding to a halt pretty much.  And I really really really have had more than enough of this lockdown malarky.   The PA system has been sitting in the downstairs  lock up since September although it was last used in February of  2020. I wonder if it still works?  I wonder if I will be getting  it out of mothballs this year at all?   We can of course dream can’t we. But maybe I will get in front of some sort of audience later this year again if I am lucky and my nerves hold out.  So many people I know have needed to shield this year too due to being clinically vulnerable as well.  To day I should have gone out somewhere but I couldn’t face it on my own with as Chuck Berry famously sung “No particular place to go”.  This strange hiatus seems to have lasted so long now and shifted my perspective on everything at least temporarily.
How things will be in the longer term is a whole other matter I believe. Perhaps the old other pre-covid me will kick back in again having risen from the depths of my psyche, or not.  I am a little worried as my voice seems to have gone on a permanent retreat and it was never a particularly strong one in the  first place. My voice has now taken on a definite gargling with rusty nails tambre over all.