Monthly Archives: June 2020

When life makes no sense and the world seems alien

What times we find ourselves in.  Everything in a state of flux. I am flipping between a state of optimism and deep sadness. Sadness that there is so much anger at the wrong people. Sadness that so many feel threatened by people that are often very fragile and living marginal lives who would not do them any harm.

Optimism because I think that things can change for the better, though I dont know how yet. 

I have to be quite careful what I watch or read as a lot stuff triggers me. To be fair though so does everything.


Whats next?

Whats next indeed? 

Well trying not to think about music I now have the first verse and chorus of a song (Folk/acoustic type thing) that’s popped into my head out of nowhere. Todays back brace session had to be stopped as it felt like something went ping somewhere in my back. Its easing now so I think it was a minor realignment but it was a painful for a moment. I shall be interested to see what happens in July now they have downgraded the alert status to 3. I think this is the onset of the going down to one metre by the sounds of things.

At present I seem to be just gently drifting around the edges of agoraphobia little. Also my appetite is still quite off and if I don’t eat regularly it does affect me as I have a fairly fast metabolic rate.If we go down to one metre and there are places like pubs opening I shall I think take the risk.It seems obvious to me that with all of the huge hints being dropped at present by all and sundry on the government side that’s a lot of stuff will open up in July. If that is the case then I’m going to have to strenuous efforts to connect with people to keep myself sane.
I don’t have too much hope of anything in the way of gigs turning up anytime soon but a bit more contact with her relatively normal human beings might be quite useful my partner is plodding on ok but it is in her nature how to be a socially distanced person and some of the on the spectrum habits she has as mean apart from not being able to go and visit her sister’s face to face which she did not do often very little for her personally has changed.
I know it’s that people on Facebook are getting quite sniffy about some of the folk doing live streams and making quite a few snarky comments often though it is the case  that those making said comments cannot do live streams themselves because they would need some sort of a band to do that thing rather a lot of it does seem like sour grapes.

I listened to the last tune I recorded which when I was doing it I thought was perhaps rather throw away however it actually isn’t in my humble opinion as it’s a song and doesn’t have any instrumental breaks I deliberately took a lot of care on the vocal I used the microphone which I borrowed from Ralph as he has a collection of these that he particularly wanted me to try buy and one or two other bits of tech including a very nice compressor and enhancer which is copied from a design made by Joe Meek the Looney from the 60s I then doubled vocal in the mix and was delighted to find after a couple of days when I listen to it that it actually does does sound very distinctive.

Its nearly the longest day (June 2020)

Its nearly the longest day

Gosh,  mid summer in semi-lockdown already.  So  a few random thoughts running through my head which I shall jot down here.

So today has been a mostly wearing a shoulder brace day. I have just taken it off an few moments ago. It’s helping a lot. Also the exercises. I still dont have enough of an appetite though. I am now down to 10 stone. Of course one reason may well be no gigs = no beer to start with. From 2018 to 2019 I started buying a lot more booze to drink at home. Not much by most peoples standards but enough. This year maybe one bottle of a wine a week at most. Also no big post gig appetite for 02.00 or 03.00 feasts.

I often think if I were to actually attempt to write an autobiography and catalog the stuff that has happened to me, both good and bad people would simple not believe it. Also with “incidents” we have to remember the effect on the individual psychologically which may be totally disproportionate to the triggering event.

I dare not write the songs I would like to. I actually believe that is a casual evil present in the uk running through every layer of our collective nation psyche like the letters in a stick of seaside rock and that the majority of people dont give a flying fuck about others in society as long as nothing affects them personally. Anyway here is  a new song for you all.

I did a bit more recording with the dulcima this week. Its spooky because due to the nature of the instrument and the tuning it could be Vicky playing it. Also I would have been heavily influenced along the way.. I am doing a dulcima tin whistle and fiddle tune that will sound very raw. I can play the dulcima but on one level it does not speak to me easily. I shall crack on though and see if the result is worth bothering with. as you do.

We have had massive downpours here. Unbelievable amounts of wet falling out of the sky’s.

I have recently discovered a few  possibilities of live video via the web ab that go far beyond what a lot of people will be considering. On my most powerful computer I have some software which not only allows me to combine 7 or 8 video sources essentially make broadcast studio but also allows me to take any content from the web and include it the reason this is useful is because they always it may turn into a potential money spinner. So be very afraid is all I shall say.