Monthly Archives: July 2021

The land of Woo and Wonderment

Diana Stone Is Trouble
Diana Stone Is Trouble

This could be it or not. Well I got my wish for it to cool down and it has. A lot.
I have had some news about collaborative projects going ahead  so that’s good news. 
I feel a bit worn out and I have not been out much this week due to the heat which has dampened my spirits.  My back is playing up a lot too. and I feel like I have been in a fight.  I can’t get going musically at present. My latest release for Amazon/Spotify/YouTube and Apple music and the rest has just been cleared for release and will be available from August 6. 


At present I am feeling somewhat wrapped up in my own thoughts. A few things are praying on my mind somewhat.  My own mortality being one of them.  It may be that having been thrown back on my own resources I have focused too much on the bad things then I was busy doing gigs and just trying to figure out how to keep paying the bills I was mostly quite happy. Now I am likely to have financial stability for the rest of my natural life be that days weeks or decades. I ache but that comes and goes. Some days I feel I will die imminently. The fact that my dad went so quickly sort if makes me feel as I might do the same despite any mitigating circumstances in my own life (40 years of being veggie/ vegan almost) and having various tests in my late 50s for health that showed no increased risk of anything much. I have too much time to think. I always think I will be dead in a month or so of something dreadful. And I worry about running out of money all the time and what may happen.  It’s not entirely rational  I know.  

I have been continuing to scribble down musical ideas  as usual this week of course.
And sticking some new letters on my computer keyboard as they are wearing off again.
Yes I need a new one so I really ought to sought that out as it  could be cheaper than the stickers. It will do for now though I guess. 

After having lived here for nearly 4 years  we have finally said goodbye to the building site opposite our place and now have an open park leading down to the water meadow country park and the river Great Ouse. I finally set foot on the path today and it completely changes the outlook from out veranda.  Plenty of people are now using it. It will take a while to get established as there is not much grass at the top end yet and the ground is very dry.  

I have hardly been out for a week., the recent spell of very hot weather was a little too much for me to deal with.  Also no music related visitors or a places to be. I need to check the car is OK or it might sulk.  I have had it for 5 years now. It’s got a few dings and scrapes on it so it looks a little careworn now rather like me  🙂 It has over all served me very well and I have done around 60,000 miles in it. Mostly to and from gigs. This last year it hasn’t really moved much at all though. The odd drive in the country and a few of music related trips down the M1. mostly though its been standing about looking a trifle forlorn. 

Some of the solo projects I have been thinking about have slightly stalled, (Covid restrictions have affected things of )  plus also as much due to a bit of a wobble in confidence.   One thing that has occured is words coming to me again. Words for songs, perhaps words for other things too. After a long time of having really nothing to say.  Living in your own head too much in a great wash of introspection may be OK if you are a genius writer or scientist or philosopher  but not perhaps if otherwise. Forcing myself to actually write down what’s going through my head is actually quite helpful to give a little extra clarity.  




Hot Hot Hot

Too hot today really, really it is. So I am watching a whole lot of YouTube again. And writing lyrics and tunes or at least trying to.I am writing about living vicariously through YouTube blogs among other subjects I am working on songwise.
The heat is not going anywhere for a day or two either. 

 I have done one or two  useful things today. I have sorted out a 15 track web album for Amazon/Apple spotify YouTube and so on.It should  be released by August 6th. 
Plus a bit of minor DIY. So not a bad day. Also recording a bit of a new tune may well be an instrumental featuring violin if its not a song. I havent made up its mind yet.

Looking back two years my world is very different and like many others now much smaller too.  Absent friends are not forgotten at all but the memories of them exist in a parallel universe that can only be visited at quiet times and also with caution advised.
I have adapted and much I had hoped for is unlikely now to happen so a certain amount of acceptance of the limits I find myself bound by is required. I don’t feel at home though yet. 

This week I did my first covid test. A lateral flow  at home.   As I expected it was negative. It wasn’t  difficult to do,  though the self swabbing is a bit  tricky to get right.
You can see if  the test is working before you get the your result and its very quick. Hopefully its accurate. Also you get a covid pass in your phone app that lasts 48 hours if its negative. 

The heat is really wearing me out. At the time of writing its expected to cool by  down tomorrow morning. I do hope so.   


Friday Thoughts Mid July

Friday again and that came around very quickly. The usual routine,record practice and writing. And exercise of course. How well its going I am not entirely sure. Some things are improved and others are worse at times. The grand opening up is on monday and I am quite nervous about it to be honest. I would like to be out there and up and and at it but after nearly 18 months of keeping a distance it seems a bit daunting to be mixing with  people very much again. I really have lost track of passing time. I know what day it is but no day feels any different to any other now. My mental health has taken me to a strange place now.  I feel a very strong sense of disassociation now as if I am not really here, or that my life is some how a play that I am observing at close quarters and someone else is acting out my role in the proceedings. It’s a very weird feeling. 
Looking out of my window and its very warm and bright and sunny and the world is turning very slowly.   The end of this month sees a date of some personal significance to me. A milestone though if it is passed means only that the future is unwritten.  

And of course there is a song:


 Sometimes words are elusive and catching them before they scamper away is tricky.
It’s odd but when I try to write down the words in my head on paper they often just disappear. It’s more than a little frustrating. I am sure I did not have this problem before. Music pours out (good bad and indifferent) most of the time, but somehow words wait until the very moment you attempt to capture them. Suddenly they run off like squirrels up a tree or voles down a hole. 

If people bring so much courage to this world the world has to kill them to break them, so of course it kills them. The world breaks every one and afterward many are strong at the broken places. But those that will not break it kills. It kills the very good and the very gentle and the very brave impartially. If you are none of these you can be sure it will kill you too but there will be no special hurry.”

― Ernest Hemingway, A Farewell to Arms