It’s the perfect moment when you finally realise that absolutely nothing seems that important anymore. First you have ambitions and perhaps some of these you will achieve, but often its really the struggle to get there that’s the fun part of brings satisfaction, but then once you get there, your looking to the next mountain to climb.
So what happens if one day you suddenly think, what’s the point in striving because there is ultimately nothing except finding another challenge at the end?
Well, I suppose that after you lived long enough it/s going to happen. Having written and recorded about 400 different songs and musical works, the rot seems to be setting in somewhat. I still enjoy creating stuff and playing it too but gone are the days when I had sufficient of an obsession to come home from work and spend hours recording stuff. Granted it’s a much quicker process now as in days of old tape required much more planning re overdubs, and managing tape hiss and just good old fashioned getting it right, which becomes a lot easier with practice of course. Listening to old demos from 25 years ago can also be a bit of a shock. A sense of the familiar laced with dread.
I still have not managed to get my own rather quirky stuff into a live environment that often but a few tunes have made it into regular live incarnations though they are very rather different from the first quintessence on tape or CD. I am still very ambivalent about my voice although I have been singing live for the past 7 years or so regularly.
Rather than writing this at the moment I should be getting on with my next project which I have sketched out a brief musical outline for, but I seem to be finding jolly good reasons not to get started. I have always got bored quickly, often so that my concentration goes just about at the point where I should be putting the final polish on something. I remember my school reports saying something a long the lines of could do better or tends to daydream or is easily distracted and yes that seems to still be the case. I don’t think fundamentally our persona changes that much really. Sometimes when things come too easily to us to start with we give up when challenged I suppose.
I did have copies of my school reports lurking somewhere but I can’t find them now frustratingly as I think that they might be fun to revisit.
I am writing this the morning after doing a spot at the Arundel Festival, which was great fun to do and did not require too much effort. Arundel is somewhere that I remember from trips out as a child and its funny to be going back there now. We regularly gig in that area so its very familiar now. I enjoyed the drive down through the countryside equally as much as playing the gig too. Just the right amount of sunshine and not too much traffic either.