Category Archives: glass cage

Feb 2021 part 2

Thank goodness its warming up a bit finally.  So a chance to take a bit of stroll is now possible in relative comfort again. Today there was a decent amount of winter sunshine and buds are starting on the trees too. So a pleasant reminder of life renewing again for in preparation for spring. I am now on week 5 of my extended exercise routine and I am less anxious so that is  one tangible benefit at least.  its a hard slog at times though as I ma very stiff when i wake up most mornings and it takes a while to get going. It’s different every day of course though. Perhaps I am slightly less depressed now, but feeling well enough to  just to be getting a tiny bit bored.  I need to start my clearing out process now too.  Perhaps those many cardboard boxes can be flattened out now? 

What do people talk about at the moment?  “Hello, just ringing to say I didn’t go out again today”.  It’s weird.   Its also tiring too. We are all trying of course to add a bit of meaning to the days.  I am setting  myself a few challenges musically and in a couple of other areas too. Hopefully I can hang on to some degree of sanity that way.   The virtual world is a thin substitute for normal interactions. We are all in our bubbles for so  much of the time now. Too much time to think?  Maybe. 

Currently I can indulge myself with reruns of my favorite sci-fi series at least.  Its a welcome relief from present reality like pizza and beer when appropriate.  Or wine of course, Its all cool. Sort off. 

So if we all get through this I have got to try and lean to win friends and influence people. Only joking, sort of.  Hello rest of the world I am still here I think.   Most days start well enough but the limited amount of umph soon runs out I am saddened to say. The call of the duvet is strong at present. Winter evenings should have the option of going for a swift half at least.  So another grand night in again.

To me, fair friend, you never can be old

— SONNET 104, LINE 1

But where there is true friendship, there needs none

— TIMON OF ATHENS, ACT 1 SCENE 2, LINE 17; TIMON

February first thoughts

February has got off to a slightly wonky start it has to be said.  I have now been doing my extended daily exercise routine for about 3 weeks and I have had to row back slightly due to problems that I suspect are linked to over enthusiasm. Currently I am doing most of  my typing standing up. This seems to be mostly an improvement in on area. Some gain but this  week a little too much pain sadly has put the kibosh on it a tad. Also anxiety is still a major issue. 

In the world outside  this room there is some better news at least including the possibility of an early  relaxation of some Covid restrictions.  This due to evidence mounting that vaccination is reducing the  the R rate and also natural immunity having a similar effect.  There is still plenty of fake pandemic ant-vax news flowing far and wide sadly.  Especially on Facebook where everyone is a virologist of course. But  some good news along the way. 

And of course the last Trump has well and truly sounded….

So musically I continue to boldly go, but sadly only via the internet at present of course which is sometimes a difficult thing to do in terms of motivation.  Often though it is simply a matter of starting and stuff happens. Occasionally on a day of zero inspiration just going though a practice routine may awaken an idea or two that starts in a  fairly uninspired way but finds its own life in the process of simply doing stuff.  The molding of the clay suggests something random and so it is with sounds too.  The result may be far removed from the starting point or original direction at inception.
Technically I have plenty  of resources which almost leads to having too much choice, which leads to dithering and time wasting.  The main point is of course the result, and of course results and your millage may vary 🙂 The dulcima looks at me sort of funny from the corner daring me to do something with it. I have tried and continue to do so but so far I have not managed to hit my stride with it.  It remains a little aloof it seems. 

In Delta Ladies  news  the last remaining festival we are booked on has now moved to July 2022 as I expected it would. That seems a very long way off at the moment but there is talk of a virtual appearance of some sort this year as a place older and moral booster hinting at better times.

Our building works nearby are in the final phase so soon we should have our public open space open. By April though sooner would I hope if possible. That will make a huge difference as we approach the start of our 4th year in Great Denham. So much has changed since moving here of course and most of my expectations have been swept away on the wind.  And find I have very little left to say about anything now.

       

  

Can we ever say more than we did our best?

Can we ever say more than we did our best?  I am not sure we can really. I am mired in gloom today and not really sure why. The sun was out on a crisp winters day.  I took a brief trip to the shop to collect from the amazon locker.  Came home and tried to work on some project stuff but I couldn’t get motivated at all, though I did start a lyric and a couple of ideas for a tune or possibly two.  Its the first week of my extended exercise routine and I think its helpful.  I need to keep fairly mobile now if I can. Otherwise if I ever play a gig again I will  keel over from exhaustion before I even get started. Its a very clear, very cold night heer in Bedfordshire and you can recognise a couple of the major constellations.  the universe continues perfectly well without my interference of course 🙂  Everything feels so strange as we come close to the first anniversary of   restrictions brought in for Covid-19 in the UK where at the time of writing we are on our third lockdown which will be in place until at least spring judging by the way things are currently going.  Some days go well enough but today  has been hard for me. I would like to talk to one or two absent friend but they have passed beyond the orbit of this world now. Its hard going.  I dreamt I was playing a gig with the full line-up of the Delta Ladies with Vicky martin at the helm  in some big edwardian pub or other. Its seems like another world now to be honest. So on waking ity was disappointing to know that that’s pretty much all gone now.  Vicky was a pretty much irreplaceable force of nature and whilst I did attempt to carry on it  we could not quite make escape velocity in the end.  Plus lockdown finished everything  pretty much in March of  2020.   2021 has started and I feel exhausted mentally and  I feel I am beyond the point  where I can try and pick up the pieces again to be honest.  I do not expect there to be anyone riding out of the shadows to pick up the baton now. I am not even sure if I can actually cut it live now frankly.  It’s now nearly one year since the last Delta Ladies gig in a small pub in reading called “The Retreat”. Remaining members of the band have also had fairly serious ill health  to contend with too.  Its possible there may be a grand finale at some point. But there needs to be a  new road or else there is no road to travel now.

It’s  a pretty low ebb for me now. I really need be mixing with people but the current situation makes it impossible of course.  My fairly paranoid internal dialogue is increasingly difficult to block as well.  I am creating music and trying to keep going.  One day at a time is as good as it gets though.  From here onward is obscured to me assuming there is a going forward from this point as nothing is guaranteed in this life.

I send out my musical messages in a bottle  into the either and wonder…

So can we ever say more than we did our best?

 

Diana Stones Glass Cage Press kit link and info

http://www.reverbnation.com/rpk/dianastone

The nights are drawing in again

 

Sad songs from me at the moment. 

It’s dark as I write this now.  The world is quiet still yet, cars going by but the building sites stopped now.  The work is nearly finished now apart from 2 houses that still need a roof on and some landscaping to be finished but it could well be done by Christmas or not long afterwards at the at rate its currently be done.

The builders have provided a lot of entertainment and education  during the time they have been here,so I now know a lot more about how houses are built from the ground up. I will miss the show when its gone.  I will though have a little park that I can sit in and day dream if I whish when its finished if I am lucky. It should be OK as long as they dont think I am a vagrant and try to move me on.    

I have had a lot of time to think. But we are of course still in Covid-19 limbo and will be for quite  a while.  At best till the spring, but maybe a lot longer.  In the mornings here there is a mist that rolls along the water meadows at this time of year that looks quite magical.  I have never had the presence of mind to get a decent photo of it yet though. Mostly in the mornings it takes me about an hour to get the aching bones moving.  That can be hard work at times,  particularly as things are now.   I have a back brace that I wear part of the time that helps but not always. Mostly its useful to stop me slumping as I type which makes a big difference.  Maybe if I can get match fit I  will be able to get back to some of the things I used to do previously as a web developer.  That’s not the most important thing by any means though but then what is?

 

 

The things we dare not say

The things we dare not say,if l write my autobiography I would have to leave all the really interesting bits out.

How many of us really know if we have done more good than harm?  I have broken rules for good reasons and also for bad ones over the years. Judge not lest ye be judged and all that.  I have no idea where I would come on the scales…
i am still thinking the thoughts, even if I am not doing the deeds.  But I do such things in my dreams as would make your mind reel.

So we move in to the last days of Trump. He has 11 weeks to go and we wonder what mischief he will be about in that time?
Best not to think to much about it really in my opinion. Lets hope its a damp squib and he fades away into  the distance with feint echos of the sound and fury preferably on  a black horse with a black hat muttering “You will never take me alive”.   

Currently I am revising my French and about time too as my brain is suffering from lock down malaise. I am also practicing sight reading again with the aim of going straight through without stopping or hesitating. It has to be done. I really want to try and get through this period having gained some skills. I hope my resolve will last.

The bones creaking are still creaking but not too  bad overall with exercise regime. Gently does it but regularly seems to be the watchword. The new back brace works wonders to and has lasting effects. Moodwise I am a bit techy this weekend. I really don’t know why. At the time of writing I have just but down the  basics of a new song. the Lyrics are not cooked yet though. I have some rough ideas, which I might sort of freestyle as I go along. I was going to say extemporise but that sounds a tad pretentious dont you think? 

Be good and if you cant be good be careful.

   

 

 

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