Category Archives: other

October Musings Part 3

Diana Stones Songs, glass cage, music, Musings, other, Piano, pictures, whatever,

Yes, it’s the next thrilling installment and I bet you just can’t wait.

My reptile part of my brain is convinced of the following: 1) I will die of something awful soon (This thought has been with for years generally and ebbs and flows in it’s intensity like weather patterns ). 2) Something will go wrong and I wont receive my pension, even though I have a piece of paper telling me exactly when and how much. 3) Although my car has a very expensive service and drives smoothly, that it will fail and leave me stranded somewhere. 4)….. In fact I could go on listing stuff forever. It’s really annoying but I have had to deal with feeling like this for what feels like time immemorial. 

A perfect example of an anxiety driven logical fallacy.

At the time of writing I have just added a Violin part to a track sent to me by Jon Bickley and I am pleased to say he likes it.  I tried a slightly different recording set up to simplify things and it worked like a treat. The more I do the more I want to do. That helps when the depression thing kicks in.   It’s a typical autumn day out here almost countryside land, Sunny cool and the  trees giving a decent display of colour as the leaves turn. 

Here is a tune from earlier this year,(February perhaps). Its a Violin and synth tune with a lush orchestration. Its starts slowly and dreamily then the beats kick in. Ideal for dancing around your lounge after too many cans of cheap larger and/or other relaxants.

Musically speaking generally things are going fairly well though still not very much happening on the gig front alas. So another Saturday night in doing solo interpretive dancing because it’s good exercise, though it might look silly. So maybe I am interpreting myself in that case .

Tea is the essence of life, with no tea life would be dull indeed.

August Round Up

Delta Ladies, Delta Ladies, Diana Stones Songs, glass cage, Musings, other, pictures, whatever

It’s been an interesting month so far.  With just a bit of chaos bleeding into it.  I am fed up with aching too. Its tiring.
Yes it is but keep smiling won’t you all. 

Showbiz is all tarnished glitter though and bullshit.  People want me in bands because of my skill set (Bands of a certain age that is, of course). If I had to trade on my looks as well I would be fucked pretty much (I do seem to be the acceptable face of Trans to a degree though). I do have to make an effort though to the extent that I don’t frighten the horses and look OK on publicity stuff too. I think I often look a bit like a younger slimmer version of Myriam Margolyes in photo’s. That’s not the worst look and my slightly olive skin tone allied with a generous nose might make people think my ancestry is Mediterranean so that makes me look a bit less weird I think.

I am not really a youngster and even when I was in my 50’s I had days like this. Maybe I just expect too much at times. I am mostly more physically active than I have been for a couple of years and I simply forget it does catch up. The fact that I have a passion for music drives me one at times when the easy chair would perhaps have ensnared me permanently.

The Cowper and Newton Museum at Olney gig was very well attended, people really enjoyed it. Many compliments about my violin playing. One from a local classical player who was really knocked out by it. Slightly different to that which was planned as Jon was an hour and a half late, stuck in traffic. So Annette, Bob and I did a 35 minute set of our own to open. Jon then did his interview with the Historian chap, then we played the Olney hymns set afterwards. Jon sold a couple of Cd’s. We will do it again next summer if we are spared. 🙂 The Museum people were very helpful and nothing was too much trouble it seemed. If you are bored one day do check out the museum and garden as its well worth seeing.

Recent weird nightmares have  included being experimented on by some weird Victorian Dr mad scientist chased me with a big brass needle and injection things. I hid in a loo. Then I was hitting him with a chair and stuff over the head but he persisted….

A recent visit to the dentists, got myself a new electric toothbrush. Used one for years and a lot less bother than all that flossing business, but the old one died a few months back. My my teeth are OK so I l might as well try and keep them that way I suppose. My mouth’s a bit sore after the cleaning and polish. Still I suppose some people I know would pay good money to be tortured by a reasonably attractive women for 20 minutes…

The Covid thing has thrown me a bit. maybe in a month I will be more like my old self again? I am intend to start sorting stuff out a bit. I have a load of boxes using up space that I doubt I’ll ever need again. A mess makes me feel more confused than I actually am. I am still finding it hard to get on with stuff, its all a bit more uphill than usual. I could sit here staring in to space all day. Brain fog? I still seem to be on the one day OK next one knackered again cycle. I just need to take it easy.

Most of the time when my mental health issues present its is as anxiety and often irrational paranoia, but these two old friends don’t call as often as they used to.
The more company I get the better I am to an extent. It would be nice to have some purely social stuff occasionally but you can’t have everything 🙂

I have slightly overdosed on the nostalgia. I have been putting a lot of pictures on Instagram in the last couple of days, and suddenly felt a bit melancholic. Ho hum. The guitar part that I couldn’t get right went OK today which was pleasing so I finished that recording. I really should be sorting out my music room a bit, but there is not really enough time to do it or at least that’s my excuse anyway.Interestingly there is some research on cortisol and long Covid and/or slow recovery. Cortisol becomes depleted and below its normal level so whilst you don’t feel stressed, your adrenaline doesn’t kick in so you cannot rev up the engine at all.

I will take some vit D for a week or so which might help.

So Hot My Brain is Fried

Delta Ladies, Diana Stones Songs, Elephant Shelf, glass cage, history, music, Musings, other, Piano, pictures, whatever

Too hot to do anything and to hot to think as well. Hopefully the weather is supposed to break on Monday, but its really hard going as there is no way to keep the flats internal temp below 30C. We just can’t lower it whatever we do.    We have tried every trick in the book pretty much. Hi ho alas and also lack a day. 
Just stringing a few words together seems a herculean effort at present. I have resorted to keeping a small spray bottle in the fridge and misting myself with it to keep cool. It is actually remarkably effective in the short term. I did look into various cooling devices but they are not that practical due to the design of the apartment.
So the day to day is difficult right now. 

Here is a new song. It’s just Piano and Vocal on this one for a change, keeping it simple.

Let’s get back to proper English summers where you went on holiday in a caravan in Bognor Regis and the rain p***** down all night and it was so loud you couldn’t sleep. Or I could just move to Wales I suppose. In winter when it snowed just after we moved here in 2018  we had to have the heating off as there was a leak, it was 19C. Each year in winter we seem to need much less heating. But how the hell you cool it I don’t know. Not that I am obsessed you know, but please make it stop.

The war in Ukraine is rumbling on and it’s scary.  Really scary. I do wonder if I might not live to to draw my pension next year. Are we that close to a 3rd world war?
It feels like we might be. All of the certainties we had seem to be blowing away in the wind. So we wait and we worry.  Does Putin want to fulfil the words of the book?

“When the Lamb broke the fourth seal, I heard the voice of the fourth living creature saying, “Come.” I looked, and behold, a pale horse; and he who sat on it had the name Death; and Hades was following with him. Authority was given to them over a fourth of the earth, to kill with sword and with famine and with pestilence and by the wild beasts of the earth.”

Makes you wonder what a person of  faith feels at a time like this? 

I think I need a drink, laters people and try and do no harm.