This week I seem to have ground to a halt. OK I have been practicing and preparing things so I haven’t really stopped completely, but it feels like that… The creative energy well has run a little dry. I have been doing a lot of piano sight reading practice again though. I have 3 tunes on the boil which I have not started recording yet and are gestating for want of a better description. That’s a suitable spring like description I think and appropriate. They are also slightly hesitant like the not quite presently budding trees. Its at times like this I try and look forward to formulating a bit of a plan. But I havent got one yet.
Its still a good 5 weeks before we can meet people indoors under the present UK covid rules, but I do look forward with great anticipation to that step nearer normality.
It’s a Bank Holiday monday. I have nothing left to say. Yep I think I am getting depressed again. I thought I was going to be able to get away with it, but its got me again. So I know how you feel because there area lot of you out there feeling much the same now. Also we dont know where we are headed really. How much of a risk is it worth taking when we have no way to figure out the odds? How worried should I be at this stage in my life. Who knows. I have been working on my violin bowing technique as its a weak point in certain aspects. There are some songs which are gestating in the background as ever. It maybe though that september will not be quite as productive as previous months due to the way I am feeling right now. At present I mostly experiencing the world creatively through on line interactions as of course are many others. I am beginning to doubt my sanity very slightly now too in some respects. This last week I have had a flaire up of back problems too which has not done my mood much of a favour and added to the general air of doom. So first eat cake, then think on.Its difficult to look forward cheerfully though. We are are still here and that’s grand of course but just sitting on the porch gently rocking looses its appeal after a while. Also I am getting old and I do wonder what I am capable of in future if there is one. I have been fairly morbid recently in terms of my internal monologue.
Why am I not learning a new skill or improving my French or whatever? The same reason that others are not I guess.