Category Archives: Delta Ladies

The Thin Veneer Is Starting To Crack

Delta Ladies, Diana Stones Songs, glass cage, Musings, whatever

My mental health is playing up and pushing me off balance slightly again. Whoops.
A bit of a polish and buff up wont cover it this time. Ho hum. But we do what we can whilst we can. Or at least we try. At times I do think should I consider going back on to medications again, but I don’t think it would be any better as the medications really do numb everything. They are great in a crisis, and I was on them for several fairly long periods of time.Now though I am not sure. If I got to the point where I was not functioning well I would jump back on the train though I think. Writing it down makes it easier to deal with it as it puts me at one remove from myself almost. I am easily triggered at times though. Lived experience made me what I am, and that cannot be undone. I wonder how people with very severe trauma manage, but of course the answer is actually that often they simply don’t.

A friend in a band that I built a website for many years ago got in touch as he has a tech problem he needs fixing. He has just played his first gig at Cambridge Rock Festival after a year off due to recurring illness as he has MS and and also a serious back injury. I said I was glad he was gigging again and he replied:”The gig nearly killed me, but better to die with your boots on so to speak”. That’s my tribe.

Its the weekend as I write this and hopefully things will remain quiet after the disturbances last week. It’s been very disturbing for everyone. What happens next in British society is paramount. We have the opportunity to reboot the narrative now. There was a genuine grassroots demonstration of a feeling of solidarity and an outburst of common sense which may well have defused what could have been so much worse. But it is a little bit back to the future and somebody my age has seen it all before. So my faith in humanity is now slightly restored.

I did try to see the Perseids but sadly there was too much cloud cover here as is often the case. Still they will be around until the end of the month so there is a chance. Each night I try and look.

I have had a few distractions that have stopped me from making the best use of the last few days though. Family and other misunderstandings.

It’s a mad, mad world

Bi-polar, Delta Ladies, Diana Stones Songs, music, Musings, other

My brain is a bit fried this week. Here is my latest tune. About the weird world of the interwebs sort of I guess. Meaning might though be in the eye of the beholder to an extent in this case perhaps.

Troll Me Susie

It’s a close sort of day cloudy, but also warm. And I am getting a bit bad tempered. I can’t seem to burn off the energy though I have been busy enough. I might be getting a bit hyper or manic perhaps? I am feeling a bit manic today. Not a good place to be in. These things go in cycles often with no rhyme or reason. A bit like anxiety attacks out of the blue. There is usually a trigger though I can’t seem to find it.

The business of creating music goes on, though it must be said some days are a real slog. An idea seems inspired then turns out to be insipid then often turns in to something else entirely if you are lucky. I often wonder what writers do, staring at a blank page. Perhaps repeated trips to the fridge in the hope of calorific or caffinised enlightenment? I drink tea but so much as I used to do.

Make a will if you and your partner are not married.

A tale of woe and English law…

My sister is awaiting the distribution of her late partners estate. So far it has taken close to 3 years. She has been to court twice and the Judge ruled that in terms of his estate she should be treated as a spouse. (they were together in total for 40 years). Her concerns have also unsettled me. It is the case that she has missed various communications from her solicitors or has misunderstood them as they have not been clear or concise. She is finding it difficult to keep on top of things. There is virtually nothing that I can do to help her out. It may still be the case that the amount left in the estate is substantial but the final settlement and the amount has still not being made clear. Personally I do think it unreasonable that solicitors cannot clarify these matters in the simple form so that she might be able to plan going forward. She has multiple serious health issues to contend with. If the worst come to the worst we may have to put her up here but it will cause considerable friction. She would though then be homeless so we might be able to get some traction with local housing authorities though her fear is that they might place her in an OAP home as she now has multiple health problems. With regard to any moneys from the estate the solicitors can deduct any money owing first in law. So she could come out with very little which is perfectly legal in the UK. All this makes me feel rather sad.

I spoke to her today. I told her that she must ring the solicitors and ask directly when they will be paying the money out or if they are not why not They said they had the money from the court last week.I can’t get involved as I am not the client so they have no obligation to speak to me. I am trying very hard not get involved but is stressing me a lot. She has not got enough money to live on now. Her pensions do not cover the trips to hospital and so forth. She is still chasing her money. The court made the award for an interim payment 65 days ago on at the time of writing this.

Independence Day or Silly Walks Day?

Delta Ladies, glass cage, music, Musings, other

A little bit of both I guess so far. I am stil struggling a bit mental health wise again. I get stuck as something triggers me then I get obsessed with it. Some things are hard to ignore. Its polling day here in the U of K July the 4th. I voted by post 3 weeks ago but that vote is unlikely to affect the outcome as its a conservative safe seat where I live.

I have got out and played live a couple of times and its cheered me up a bit, at least temporarily. But today’s a very rainy day so I am going nowhere. Just watching the rain.

With Orchard at The Red Lion Stevenage playing some Saw Doctors Songs

Well we now have a new government. It’s better than what we had but over the longer term who knows what it will actually be able or will to do? Sadly much of what I would wish for will not be coming to pass. Also there is an enemy within. There are now elected far right neo fascists as elected Mps. So there is a seed of real evil. The fertile ground for it was laid and nourished by the last government with its pandering to racist and nationalist views to gain votes. Once something like this has taken route there is no easy way to stop it spreading.
Britain has always had a proportion of isolationist and often xenophobic people and one only has to look back to very recent history to see that. The only way to help stop this is to speak out against it. I am not confident that will happen.

In other news I stagger on with my musical machinations. “Its music Jim but not as we know it” some might say…