Still not right

Musings

I had been feeling a bit healthier for a couple of months, but seem to have lapsed back somewhat. Over the weekend I had a bit of a flair up which was hard going as we had 3 gigs in a row. They were all pretty well received too. Its difficult to know how much exercise is the right amount as well as keeping mobile and active helps quite a bit but particularly activity’s like driving and using the computer can make seem to make it worse.

Hopefully the bone density test and scan will provide some answers on the best course of action. Having had industrial quantity’s of Vitamin D3 for 9 months the bone should have built up somewhat but others so afflicted say it can take a couple of years to really get fixed, if you have micro-fractures, which is what makes it painful. Anti-depressants might help but my Dr seems to be a bit set against it, though I am not sure why.

The damper and colder weather seems to have made it worse too. Keeping mobile but not lifting anything too heavy with a fair amount of stretching seems to help.

Paradoxically on gig on Sunday night, although I arrived feeling very rough, I was bouncing around like a spring chicken by the end. It was a very physical gig too, and quite energetic, so maybe its the endorphins perhaps easing it?

The cumulative effect is that my mood is quite low,(sort of in the sub-basement really). We are having a band rehearsal a bit later on today, to fine tune a couple of things that are slightly rough in performance. If we weren’t it would be a temptation to go back to bed and stay there believe me.

The sky has that grey cloud cover that I remember from family holidays as a child when we would stay in some leaky caravan park, often in North Wales. We went to Betws y Coed a few times, and everything in memory seems more colorful somehow. Proust and all that don’t you know?

I also seem to have reached a musical hiatus as I have usually been quite busy with writing and recording stuff, apart from Elephant Shelf and the Delta Ladies, but find that I have very little enthusiasm though I did do a rough version of an idea that came into my head as I think it might grow in to a half-decent song, it was really an effort to get on and do it. That I think is a sign of the depression manifesting itself. I do have a routine of practice and learning stuff which I manage to keep going with though.

I think I do need a fairly radical change in the way I do things,as I feel I am on a downward spiral getting used to achieving less and less. Its possible that I need to get to know a few other people. I have plenty of social contact a lot of the time, but don’t have a friend a couple of doors away or a 5 minute drive that I can nip in and talk too, so there is a certain sense of isolation. I also need to start clearing out stuff from the flat as a prelude to selling up and moving. London has not got too much appeal these days and I rarely gig in London so its not exactly critical. I not thinking of moving too far though. Somewhere just outside the M25 would do and there are a few possibility’s.

There is a a lot of redundant stuff that needs to go though…

I worked out that over all the websites and music sites that I have material for download on I have about 195 different songs (excluding stuff with Elephant Shelf and the Delta Ladies) and instrumental works available as downloads, that over the last ten years or so. My first download was on line around 2000 though I had my first website in 1998. I did my first digital recording around 2003, when I got my first decent PC. On one level I think I may have gone as far with it as fiat allows for the present and a change of scene/environment is necessary.

I might even paint something again, I am rubbish at the visual arts but have enjoyed the process in the past.

What I would really like to do when I move is have a room where I can put all the studio stuff, as presently it occupies about 1/3rd of my lounge and its becoming a bit impractical to do stuff without tripping over things

May 2012

Musings, other

My older sister has been in hospital having a bowel cancer op.

She has been quite unfortunate with health generally having had thyroid problems from the age of 16 and a lot of other problems in between.

We are not generally on speaking terms these days as she has a very low opinion of me.  She recently emailed my other sister and expressed a view along the lines of how unfair it was that we had not been afflicted with cancer so far. We have several incidences of cancer in the family, (including my father who died a couple of months after taking early retirement at the age of 63), so there is no guarantee that I have escaped it.

She had a fairly successful career in nursing then health visiting and finally as a lecturer at Old Street until medical retirement, she also had a daughter in fairly good health and was married and has a very comfortable house too. Her husband died of cancer a couple of years back. Out of us 3 siblings she was the successful one, with the proper education and so forth. She also gets a very generous pension, which to be fair she worked very hard for.

I did a lot of odd jobs for her a few years back, I think perhaps she has forgotten all that. I hope that the op works out for her of course. Its very difficult to deal with the level of resentment that she projects on to us as she perceives that I and my other sister lead charmed lives. The reality is that for me the last 10 years have been have been the only point in my life where I have succeeded in anything much really. Getting 1 decent decade out of 5 is not that bad going really though.

Phew, a bit hot for me, but nice to see the sun.

More of the usual stuff really. Some pretty good fun gigs, mostly Delta Ladies duo gigs that went very well and a few at new venues that have got us repeat bookings so that’s pretty good so far.

I also have a date for my bone scan which will answer a few questions with luck. I am still getting a a bit of pain but less frequently and the more we gig the more exercise I get I suppose that must help.

Last night we returned to what used to be our home turf at a place called the Harringay tavern in Crouch End, it was a slow start but the second half was quite lively and even got a few people singing a long to some of the original tunes. We also told a few shaggy dog story’s and got a laugh or two which we do quite a bit on gigs now.

Latest bulletin from my sister just out of hospital is that (“I caused them considerable trouble over the last few years”). This is a truly remarkable achievement having not seen them for about 7 years or so, and I can only attribute this to my ability to channel the dark side of the force. Perhaps also attempting to play New Orleans style Piano also gives you the power of voodoo, though I am not convinced as none of these attributes has yet allowed me to win the lottery.

April 2012 So far

Delta Ladies, music, Musings, whatever

Not too bad a month so far a few good gigs and the sun is shining a little, so I am making the effort to take a little more exercise to help ease the back problems and stuff. Touching wood my back seems capable of withstanding regular accordion playing now so I am starting to work up a few more tunes on it, and its not seeming half so alien as it was at first. Its not an instrument to play after midnight on a quite night though as it kicks up a fair old racket that makes the violin seem quiet by comparison.

This year seems to be whizzing past at hell of rate thus far but with plenty of interesting stuff going on. I need to get back to the DR’s soon to see how the old bones are progressing as well. I am building up a bit more stamina but some of our duo gigs have been mini-marathons with often more than one encore. Once you have gone over the 2.5 hour mark it can get a bit knackering.

Saturday night we were at the Global Cafe in Reading. We do play one other venue in Reading regularly called the retreat but this was a new one for us with a younger audience than our usual demographic. We will be back there later in the year and its a really nice place to perform in. This year could be our buzyiest for gigs by the look of things mostly with the Delta Ladies. Doing a 2 hour plus show as a duo is quite demanding at times. We are also going to be putting some new material in to soon as well. So we need to learn that.

Currently we have two albums almost finished. One is the Elephant Shelf Album and the other is an album of swing standards. Once those are out of the way we need to start recording the Delta Ladies Album. Not much time to get bored by the look of things.

We will be back at one of our favorite gigs in a couple of weeks at the Bellvue in High Wycombe and strangely it will be coinciding with their beer festival. How spooky is that then 😉