I am in band/trio (lovely people but due to all sorts’ of reasons but ) they rarely gig and also part of Jon Bickleys Invisible Folk Club Band but it leaves me with a lot of spare time. I do spend a lot of time writing and learning new stuff and recording but Its incredibly isolating. I am not good at socialising with people I don’t know and find solo performances a bit hard going so I don’t feel comfortable doing open mics though I have done in the and even done a few solo gigs. They went down well enough but I found it a real strain. I prefer being in some sort of ensemble

Over the past 2 or 3 years I have been trying to find to some local musicians near to Bedford to work on with on projects or form a band of some sort or even impromptu music hookups. I did do a few things with the Also Rans early on, but I am not an Irish Folkie so it’s not really my thing and I dropped out. They are great and lovely people though.

So I have tried advertising in websites and notice boards on and off over the last 2 or 3 years. Not a heavy commitment time wise but just people that don’t require me to be doing 60 to a 100 mile round trips for rehearsals and so forth. Sadly this has got me zero responses. I am used to working with people in ensembles and over about 25 years or so both in rock/folk/country and world music. All my old contacts were based around most of southern England but in particular London and Essex plus the south coast. However they were people that like myself in those days basically only did paid gigs as it was our job. So whilst I am still in touch with many of them they are not people that have the time or resources to spend on zero income musical projects.

What puzzles me is this: I have been responding to online music ads and always include a decent mini-bio I and give phone number and email and social media details. Sadly no responses. Not even a ‘No Thanks’. Why put an ad up then not respond? I always respond to messages/phone calls even if its only to say that I don’t think I would be a good fit for what they want.

Either that or I have:

BTW I have discussed on chat with other musicians I know, Many who are pro or semi pro and/or retired some of whom have seen me play live as well as well knowing my recorded works and the general reaction from them is basically puzzlement?

1 Fallen past the event horizon of a black hole
2I have actually died and am in limbo
3 The world I perceive actually doesn’t exist and I am
in fact immersed in a virtual reality simulation

It’s the total lack of responses that I find odd.

I did also consider that it might be an issue due to me being transgender, but over the past 25 years as a working musician that’s never really been a problem except on a maybe 2 occasions out of about 4500 gigs. I also thought maybe it’s an age thing too? I have realised my only real defence against my existential angst is a daft sense of humour right now. I seriously thought about signing up with quakers. I have a void to fill. You might call it spiritual perhaps. I realised that I don’t have any non-transactional relationships other than my sister and one other friend. Everybody else wants me for something and vice versa It’s hard when you don’t do small talk easily though..

I reckon I am not that scary really and honestly I don’t bite and I won’t eat you.


“If music be the food of love, play on;
Give me excess of it, that, surfeiting,
The appetite may sicken, and so die.
That strain again! it had a dying fall:
O, it came o’er my ear like the sweet sound,
That breathes upon a bank of violets,
Stealing and giving odour! Enough; no more:
‘Tis not so sweet now as it was before.
O spirit of love! how quick and fresh art thou,
That, notwithstanding thy capacity
Receiveth as the sea, nought enters there,
Of what validity and pitch soe’er,
But falls into abatement and low price,
Even in a minute: so full of shapes is fancy
That it alone is high fantastical.”
― William Shakespeare, Twelfth Night

Old Will had a way with words indeed.