I had a good band rehearsal last night, but I must admit I am a little tired today. A friend visited and we spoke of cabbages and kings and much else too. But today was a being as opposed to human doing sort of day though. Just recently I seem to be vearing between wild eyed optimism and existential dread in equal measure. is it like that for everybody? I guess it is really. I must admit at present although many things I am involved in are going fairly well I just don’t seem to be feeling the love. Maybe it’s just all this rain that’s got me down. the world seems a bit less hopeful than it did in many ways for me as a casual observer. It’s difficult to find good news anywhere.
A Prayer for Unity
In this century and in any century, Our deepest hope, our most tender prayer, Is that we learn to listen. May we listen to one another in openness and mercy May we listen to plants and animals in wonder and respect May We listen to our own hearts in love and forgiveness May we listen to God in quietness and awe. And in this listening, Which is boundless in its beauty, May we find the wisdom to cooperate With a healing spirit, a divine spirit Who beckons us into peace and community and creativity. We do not ask for a perfect world. But we do ask for a better world. We ask for deep listening.
– Jay McDaniel, Professor of Religion, Hendrix College, Arkansas
Tried and trusted or new and unexplored? You the jury must decide. I haven’t got a clue. So another week of rehearsals (a video shoot for the folk band) and recording is expected. No gigs this week though. Today is flashing by at a rate of knots. I am still fairly prone to anxiety but I seem to be better at managing it than I used to be. It does sneak up on me though, usually when I am chilling out or at least trying to. Echoes from the past do jump out at me from the shadows and unhinge me still even now.
“Falling Down Again” A recent recording of mine with a mild jazz influence to it. The lyrics are somewhat ambiguous as usual I am afraid. But hey it is what it is, maybe you can tell me what you think it’s all about? Or not.
Currently Bedford seems to be the rain capital of the UK. Though its actually stopped for a moment A strange thing happened that made me wonder about the world we don’t see. Maybe it was just coincidence or serendipity? Do our thoughts sometimes communicate in other ways than just the senses we know, is our mind something beyond just the body, perhaps even capable of existing outside the realm of what we perceive as time. I asked a question and it feels like the universal mind replied maybe… Or I could just be delusional of course. We like to have order and our brains try to make connections and correlations. But I like the idea of something other and greater and perhaps wiser. Invisible Sky Mummy/Daddy/Entity have you got any good advice for me today? I feel like I am tripping my nuts off as they used to say, perhaps its all my supplements I take in a desperate attempt to claw back a reprieve from reaper time. I am still fighting the usual battles with anxiety and depression. This week I have have only one rehearsal (social opportunity too of course) now as the Tuesday one was cancelled due to ill health. So I am at a bit of a loss today.
I seem to have a very limited concentration span these days, is that the effect of instant gratification social media perhaps? A friend who reads a lot has really discovered the joy of it again after a weeks holiday. There is so much distraction so it’s easy to get over stimulated. Also perhaps a bit of FOMO unless you are a bit of a bookworm. In between writing this I am adding keyboard parts to a track I am working on. Its very quiet here at present, hardly anyone about on the street outside. That’s good but sometimes it is just too quiet for me.
Often it feels like we are already living in an alternate reality to be honest. And sometimes I feel like a cartoon character and my grip on reality is week at best. i would like to spread a little bit more love and light into the world but I really don’t know how. I feel pretty powerless most of the time now. So if I can make you smile or laugh a little or even move or stir your soul a little I am pleased. I wish you Peace and Love and a Safe Home.
How much ego is too much ego? I think this is particularly relevant to performers and artists. You need it to function but ultimately it might just eat you up. Am I vain. Yep definitely that too. Tik Tok made me do it 😉
I love street view, wandering around the places I will never go. The places where distant Facebook buddys live. Cruising around the virtual neighbourhoods and all of that. It helps keep me moderately sane.
I don’t like to push to much, but that’s hard if you make music and actually want it to be heard by anyone. Also I try to not get pretentious and keep a light touch and a sense of humour, but that is not always to my advantage. We are not judging you….
I have had a week of self doubt about what I am doing, triggered perhaps by as usual to much introspection. I listened to a couple of recent tracks that I though were not so good and after a break from them they actually sounded rather better than I had though at first listen. Ear saturation perhaps? Particularly when listening to the sound of your own voice where over familiarity breeds utter concontempt. But what is there to do but just keep pushing on…
I played at an Irish style session last night with the Also Rans (a loose Irish collective) and it was a fine and pleasant evening of music for a Saturday night. There is something to be said for simplicity at times. I need to relearn that on occasion. Whilst talking casually a couple of people were surprised at my age, (I can’t recall how it came up in conversation) but I said it’s all an illusion, slights of hand and deception. I do forget and then my body reminds me 🙂
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