Ok that’s the commercial over. I have been having a couple of not particularly productive days. So I have decided to just roll with it for the moment. I have the usual ideas buzzing in my head a bit but I haven’t started to kick off with them quite yet.
I am feeling a bit anxious generally to be honest. As in worried rather then panic attacks. I don’t know why but I have felt like that for a few days. There is a band rehearsal tonight for our charity gig at the church on at the weekend. I expect I will wobble through it. I am just feeling weird and very unsettled.
My old band Elephant Shelf many moons ago
It’s strange how much slight wrong bits in a tune can actually turn into magic moments. The secret chord you accidently create in an arrangement, but can’t really untangle.
Golden October? Pumpkin seeds🎃 Lots of those in a pumpkin when you slice them up. The second experiment with the slow cooker today which will be pumpkin stew if the gods allow it. It’s still mighty wet out though. I guess harvesting will be difficult? Not that I know about such matters of course.
This rains been going on for a week solidly now and it’s definitely not normal in my personal experience. Maybe this is a real manifestation of climate change. Its very different to the last few years at this point in the season. As usual I am trying to do stuff in the studio and I have started with a slightly unusual drum pattern for me which I have an idea about. Will it work? Stay tuned or not I guess, (more bad puns coming up). I will be teaming it up with a modal flavoured electric 12 string guitar part. I know I will regret it as it always takes me about half an hour to tune it. And also to find a suitable tone that’s interesting but not too distracting. The struggle is real 😉
Update. It took me 20 minute the get the thing sufficiently in tune, but it’s sounding Ok now. The tracks maybe not going to work that well. I have put some string lines on it from the Korg but I am not sure if I like it or hate yet it so I will stop now as I am getting kind of irritable.
I think a lot of my issues are routed in the fact that I stil have an ongoing struggle with depression and anxiety that makes a thing more difficult than they might otherwise be. This as I am sure you can understand also has left me with a tendency to not entirely trust others motivations and a fear of being manipulated/used which has happened in the past due to a combination of naivete and also sheer desperation at times. The few odd extra musical job opportunities’ have dried up completely this year, which hasn’t helped much either and the arthritis can only be managed to a certain degree. I get frustrated with myself that I am not able to engage more with people generally in social environments which I do find difficult on my own anyway. I have tried to live a simple life but its always got very complicated due to the fact that I have never been very good at walking away and perhaps too often guilty of flogging a dead horse. So music has a lot of extra baggage attached to it for me. I have usually gone the extra mile for people to try and make things work. I have sort of lost faith in it all really I suppose.
You must be logged in to post a comment.