Indeed it is a dull day today. Today specifically I am trying to get outside my head a bit by you know watching YouTube and and plenty of Radio 4 as you do this afternoon I’m going to try and Ride some stuff for my blog is it may be interesting some people because I do have people that regularly follow it also it’s quite good therapy well I’m feeling a little bit less overwhelmed as you can imagine my immediate concern is the mass that they found in my bladder so I’m going to discount the more minimal things and then I considered what is it was the worst case and actually a cancer. Obviously that it could be a problem but then unpleasant as it is people do get cured or remission with the use of chemo and there are also some more novel methods coming in now which didn’t exist a few years back like being able to blast stuff with everything from lasers and ultrasound and I imagine at least on Close study by urology of the CT scans they will be familiar enough to have a very good idea what they’re looking at so what I would hope is that they will be able to perhaps communicate to me by the end of the week what we’re dealing with obviously I would hope it would be a lesser thing like that perhaps kidney stones that had lodged in there or even simply a bit of traumatized bladder that got damaged or perhaps even slightly torn by the dodgy catheter the ultimately even it was to turn out the cancer which I do not think it is it would most likely be very recent as I’ve never had any associated symptoms problems or bladder issues

Yeah I’m still unfortunately in limbo I saw the surgical lead this morning he said I am probably haven’t gonna have to go back to bed for a while they’re doing the conference I think today at some point with the bacteriologist and all that lot and they’ll make the call I suspect whatever happens I have another before actually get back to my own home if I’m in Bedford will get Alison to bring in her Chromebook which is a little super thin laptop so I can so so I can do some proper typing I was on the phone last night to clear the two hours and 15 minutes she called me at 25 past 11 and we chatted till yeah roughly one o’clock in a bit so that was nice and we put the Worlds to write we discussed all our usual rubbish plus I had notions of a wonderful socialist global Society and what we’re going to do in music hopefully next year we’ve also provisionally arranged to go and see if we can do it next April American singer songwriter Kazi blanton spellings probably wrong who is incredibly good rights process songs but they’re really kind of witty and she sings well so a little freed will be maybe next year to do that as well

What I’m going to do next year that is different as I said I’ll be writing some songs that are more like no necessarily focus on but you get the idea you know more towards three chords and the truth quite hilarious when I talk to my phone using speech recognition it’s the voice it likes me to use best is a kind of cross between Fenella Feiding and Judy Dench some really strange reason that’s the voice that my little computer friend in the phone like

However even if it were to turn out to be cancer and treated to some degree that would at least me mean that I would have some more time and it might be a useful amount.

Yesterday I was starting to tip over into a manic episode though. Today I think is going to a waiting day again though
No exams expected or particular signs and revelations. I am going to try and just pull back from things a bit today if so. I dont feel to bad to be honest and overall I was much more active the last 3 days or so. Will try and update my website today too I think today. That will be good therapy for me I did miraculously get about 7 hours sleep apart from a brief interruption for observation at about 03.00 so that was nice. I have calmed down now and I am a bit more back on track now.

Quick update

a little bit more news today I was saying by the urological team lead and they will be doing something this week. Fingers crossed.