Monthly Archives: June 2024

Right Leg, Left Leg and Robin Hood

Diana Stones Songs, glass cage, music, Musings, other, whatever

I played at the first performance of a friends pantomime. Robin Hood created by Jon Bickley who wrote the play and the songs. I am one of the musicians in the loose collective that is the Invisible Folk Club band that performed them for the show. I had said that getting opportunity’s to play gigs generally were getting very much rarer whenJon asked me how I was doing and suggested diversification generally. I said my problem was not lack of creative outlets but simply missing live performance.I mentioned the fact that so many of the gigs at pubs and so forth were just not there to be had anymore. It makes one feel a bit irrelevant.I enjoyed the show yesterday. Playing for a pantomime that was actually pretty funny was a good new experience.

It does seem that there are really only two sorts of retirees. I will use that term loosely but it sort of fits. There are the pipe and slippers people who seem perfectly happy and then the what now tribe. I am a what now, but of stock with a small trace of pipe and slippers in the DNA. Not wanting a Bilbo Baggins grand adventure but needing a bit more. Yes I am adapting but my metamorphosis is not yet complete. But even yesterday’s event is a step towards something different. My journey is slightly more problematic due to the depressive element as always there is a voice saying why bother. Sometimes it’s a loud voice and sometimes a whisper.
Knowing who I am is useful but not the superpower that I had hoped it would be.

So as I write this it’s a quiet day sorting stuff out. Plus a brief walk and a bit of musical maneuvering too.

Sunny days and uphill struggles

history, music, Musings, whatever

Some days it feels like you only have to turn over in bed to strain something. This is not life enhancing. Today is such a day. Usual afternoon here at Stone Towers. Piano reading practice Recording and stuff until now. Doing stuff is on average about 5 hours a day I guess the rest is just fannying about. There is I suspect a lot of subconscious stuff going on when I am zoning out. I am a bit more energetic, but I have to watch as my body seems a lot more fragile these days. I am not bothering to follow much of the election stuff now. I did read a bbc news article about people that don’t vote anymore or never have. One young woman said her family never did. It was very much a thing that our family always did. Perhaps, because then the memory’s of WWII were very fresh for people of my parents age. It mattered a lot to then that we had been able to survive as a democracy and not be over run. My vote is unlikely to matter but having the franchise is important. Many people now seem to think that politics is just a game where people make false promises to get elected. I cannot argue too much with the logic behind that though.

At the time of writing it’s the summer solstice. And I am still looking for answers to make sense of life generally so no change there.

Learned Hopelessness

Delta Ladies, Diana Stones Songs, glass cage, history, music, Musings, other

I mostly just mumble a bit about depression and mental health mixed in with other stuff on this blog. But I thought it worth saying a little bit about my own personal experience now as an older adult. There is a different flavour to things without the extremes of mood but rather its more the case that things are very dull or flavourless rather than existential angst now. But it’s also a feeling of hopelessness too.

I was on antidepressants for a very long time. Around 15 to 20 years and eventually I got fed up with some of the behavioural effects that they had on me. Then I had a “Camalot” period where music became my career for around 20 years and there was stress but also a lot of good times too. Then due to a bereavement and not being able to continue the band due to the covid lockdown. I emerged blinking into the light back at base camp. Last year I had a bit of a health scare, that might have reduced my mobility. I have been trying to be positive on the music front but this year I feel like giving up a little bit now. Also like everybody else financial constraints have stopped me doing a lot of stuff. Most ventures turn into unproductive dead ends and damp squibs. Everything has changed and their does not seem to be a slot to fit into anymore for me. Of course maybe I just can’t adapt sufficiently. This last year I have felt pretty much as though there is just nowhere to go with it all anymore and to be honest pretty useless. So maybe that’s it and I am done. It is tempting to go back to taking SSRIs. Maybe I should just give up and go back on the drugs again. They do reduce inhibition so that alone could make life a bit more interesting or even exciting in unexpected ways as it certainly did on a few occasions in the past. Though I am not entirely sure that’s what I need right now 🙂

What is the best polite way to deflect ill judged or bad advice that is offered with the best intention without causing offence to the doner. I have been reminded today that some as we get older adopt a notion of ageing that is very limiting. Of course some people are struck down with dreadful illnesses and afflictions, but for those that aren’t please don’t give up just yet. Also try not to re-enforce or promulgate negative stereotypes. Do not go gentle…. Of course it helps if you have a reasonably open mind as a starting place. Maybe I need to get a punch bag?

I am working on a new track titled “Maybe It’s Aliens” although of course it never is. And my head hurts a bit now. Ok maybe it is aliens after all…