Sunday night I ran the Samaritans. It was a great help fortunately. As I hit a massive low sadly. I just despair of ever getting home right now to be honest. its week six. That is a very long time.

I ran out of spoons. Finally. Its Monday start of week 6 in hospital. And it got worse.
I had a Cystoscopy which was agony. but then it turns out I might have cancer,
Fuck… Its raining right now for sure. Thats a real kick in the head.
What can I say. I feel a void…

Maybe one day universe but I guess its not today.
Wish I had some witty repost but not today I am afraid.

Bladder damage

Very rarely, your bladder may be damaged during a cystoscopy. This can cause blood in your pee, which may be heavy or continue for several days. Yep that is true.