Category Archives: other

Offensive Flowers and Plants Police

Well now. A tale of woe.

Bad neighbours. We had grown from seed and allowed some wild flowers on the small space next to the entrance to our flat. It’s the first time anything has managed to grow there in the 6 years due to the hardness/dryness of the ground. A small miracle almost. the new neighbours who moved in a few months ago and who have not even said a word to us in that time, waited until we were out and then cut everything that was growing down. The land is not theirs. Some of the seeds were ones that my sister whos partner died had sent us from her old garden.

When confronted the “person” next door said he had cut them down because he did not like them though he no right to do so anyway. Some would actually have been protected species. They were their to encourage insects and to help allow the soil to build up on the patch of ground so that it could look more attractive. He has covered his back garden in astroturf so its totally dead. Ironically he will now likely have caused the plants to regrow and spread further. What stuns me though is it obvious that the land is not in anyway part of their property and they did not approach us to discuss what might potentially might be done, even though it has nothing to do with them. We encouraged taller plants to stop people coming there to pee as has been the case.

A quick drink before the performance of Jon Bickley’s Robin Hood recently.

I am seriously think of selling up and moving elsewhere. We moved from central London after retiring and never had anything like this happen before. I am both angry and sad. I felt physical sick after seeing what this person had done. I used to work for the prison service/Home Office and have had bad stuff happen so I am not naive, (knife held to my throat by a drug addict on my way to work because he thought I had caused his temporary release licence to be revoked and a few other things over the years).This has just really upset me a lot.

Anyway here is some music…

Right Leg, Left Leg and Robin Hood

I played at the first performance of a friends pantomime. Robin Hood created by Jon Bickley who wrote the play and the songs. I am one of the musicians in the loose collective that is the Invisible Folk Club band that performed them for the show. I had said that getting opportunity’s to play gigs generally were getting very much rarer whenJon asked me how I was doing and suggested diversification generally. I said my problem was not lack of creative outlets but simply missing live performance.I mentioned the fact that so many of the gigs at pubs and so forth were just not there to be had anymore. It makes one feel a bit irrelevant.I enjoyed the show yesterday. Playing for a pantomime that was actually pretty funny was a good new experience.

It does seem that there are really only two sorts of retirees. I will use that term loosely but it sort of fits. There are the pipe and slippers people who seem perfectly happy and then the what now tribe. I am a what now, but of stock with a small trace of pipe and slippers in the DNA. Not wanting a Bilbo Baggins grand adventure but needing a bit more. Yes I am adapting but my metamorphosis is not yet complete. But even yesterday’s event is a step towards something different. My journey is slightly more problematic due to the depressive element as always there is a voice saying why bother. Sometimes it’s a loud voice and sometimes a whisper.
Knowing who I am is useful but not the superpower that I had hoped it would be.

So as I write this it’s a quiet day sorting stuff out. Plus a brief walk and a bit of musical maneuvering too.

Learned Hopelessness

I mostly just mumble a bit about depression and mental health mixed in with other stuff on this blog. But I thought it worth saying a little bit about my own personal experience now as an older adult. There is a different flavour to things without the extremes of mood but rather its more the case that things are very dull or flavourless rather than existential angst now. But it’s also a feeling of hopelessness too.

I was on antidepressants for a very long time. Around 15 to 20 years and eventually I got fed up with some of the behavioural effects that they had on me. Then I had a “Camalot” period where music became my career for around 20 years and there was stress but also a lot of good times too. Then due to a bereavement and not being able to continue the band due to the covid lockdown. I emerged blinking into the light back at base camp. Last year I had a bit of a health scare, that might have reduced my mobility. I have been trying to be positive on the music front but this year I feel like giving up a little bit now. Also like everybody else financial constraints have stopped me doing a lot of stuff. Most ventures turn into unproductive dead ends and damp squibs. Everything has changed and their does not seem to be a slot to fit into anymore for me. Of course maybe I just can’t adapt sufficiently. This last year I have felt pretty much as though there is just nowhere to go with it all anymore and to be honest pretty useless. So maybe that’s it and I am done. It is tempting to go back to taking SSRIs. Maybe I should just give up and go back on the drugs again. They do reduce inhibition so that alone could make life a bit more interesting or even exciting in unexpected ways as it certainly did on a few occasions in the past. Though I am not entirely sure that’s what I need right now 🙂

What is the best polite way to deflect ill judged or bad advice that is offered with the best intention without causing offence to the doner. I have been reminded today that some as we get older adopt a notion of ageing that is very limiting. Of course some people are struck down with dreadful illnesses and afflictions, but for those that aren’t please don’t give up just yet. Also try not to re-enforce or promulgate negative stereotypes. Do not go gentle…. Of course it helps if you have a reasonably open mind as a starting place. Maybe I need to get a punch bag?

I am working on a new track titled “Maybe It’s Aliens” although of course it never is. And my head hurts a bit now. Ok maybe it is aliens after all…