Category Archives: other

Introspection and the Landscape in my Head

Diana Stones Songs, music, Musings, other

My head. You don’t want to wander around in there uninvited if you know whats good for you.  Far better take care and beware I say. Its monday as I write this having wrestled with a violin part for a recent tune that turned out to be more of a stretch than I anticipated.  It has worked out although I did think at one point I would have to abandon it.  I will let the rest of the world judge its worth or lack of same.

I seem to be having a lot of headaches at the moment, which might be sinus related.  It’s tiring.  Still I have had a reasonably useful day. I need to do some minor organization and tidying up in the studio room as its getting a bit messy and unpleasant to work in in some respects. Due to lockdown and other stuff  have though spent far longer in here at a stretch than I  used to though, but then I have also spent far longer at home that for any time in my life in the last 20 years or so .  As I write this I have become quite anxious and can not seem to shake it off. Its weird as it always seem to come out of nowhere, blown like invisible spores. Sometimes the body is sending signals for a reason too that one does not always receive and respond appropriately to.  

Music projects are proceeding as expected.  There is not much likelihood of anything live on the horizon at present unfortunately. Its still looking very much like this year continues to be flat in that respect.  I do miss live performance a lot. Both the musical and the social  aspects equally. I also miss the phone calls that no longer come and the now permanently absent friends.   That takes the wind out of my sails with a vengeance and then I am becalmed and likely to become ensnared in a mental sargasso sea of stagnation. Its like standing at the very edge of the universe knowing that you can never return home. You could go forward but never back as its expanding faster than you can fly. I stole that from a recent film as it fits the bill. 

Covid is still with us after 19 months or so and affecting pretty much  everything to some degree or other.  The new normal doesn’t feel anything like normal to me to be honest. And I have lost my confidence in public spaces having hardly been in any for 9 moths or more.  The lack of social interaction is also wearing me down.  I am keeping a reasonable outlook on the whole, but some days are very hard work.  I wonder if it’s going to be like this going forward for me now?   If I try and relax I get anxious, but I get just as anxious when I do have something to do even if it’s something I am looking forward to. At my age I should be long past this sort of rubbish. I feel like a teeanger but I am getting hale and ancient. When I actually remember how old I am it comes as a shock  to the system like plunging under a very cold shower or the feeling when you wake from a dream and feel completely disoriented. 

My new release “If I Am Spared”  is now live on streaming services

Spotify  https://open.spotify.com/album/7lS2Oxo2CHi06Lg9F0yMOY
Amazon https://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/product/B09B5D4M96/ref=dm_ws_sp_ps_dp
Youtube music  https://youtube.com/playlist?list=OLAK5uy_kSJtNpSm-TblrYvwgB9dU6-sIEyMzE6EM
Apple https://music.apple.com/gb/album/if-i-am-spared/1578105477

And the other place you can google for 🙂
       

 

 

 

 

 

 

  
 

 

Diana-Stone Studio.APRIL 2021

A June 2021 Round Up

Delta Ladies, Diana Stones Songs, glass cage, music, Musings, other, whatever

Personally  it’s been a very draining 6 months.  I have been working solidly on music projects both solo and collaborative but of course nearly al remote ones. Other stuff I had hoped to do has ground to a complete halt now. Also mostly due to lockdown I gave not really been able to get anymore local connections made. Added to that I have had a lot of  problems with long term Musculoskeletal (MSK) conditions which seems  to have been much worse this year plus depression and anxiety. So fighting that tends to impede the creative flow quite a bit. At present I do feel its a real uphill struggle and it’s getting harder.  I also like many wonder if we will actually get a full UK unlocking at the end of July. If we don’t that will be more than a little disappointing as   the present regime does not yet permit the normal mix and mingle type activities (Folk clubs and Open mike and normal pub gigs) to name just a few.  I feel as though my mental facilities are dwindling as well. Currently I am living on a diet of youtube videos and little else to keep me amused in my downtime.  There are some very interesting blogging genre videos.  One that I watch is this guy Hobo Shoestring   https://www.youtube.com/user/TheHoboShoestring and if you like trains and the wide open spaces there is a lot of joy to be had in the videos he posts. he has been riding trains for 30 years and is what you might call a natural philosopher perhaps.Another one I watch is  https://www.youtube.com/c/HubNut/featured which is about ordinary cars with a motoring journalist called Ian Seabrook. He drives and then fixes them eventually and more.  It’s  one of the things helping to keep me sane at present at least In a small way.   There is a lot more I watch but I am not going to list everything here.

This a very spontaneous song that popped into my head  on Friday so I have recorded a quick “demo” version. Its  an acoustic (Folk sort of) song  with fiddle and a bit of tin whistle too. 

        

And in other news, a question. Who put that camera in Matt Hancock’s office I wonder? But the world will keep turning I guess. 

Does any one remember that book “Feel the fear and do it anyway”? I might even have a faded and yellowing  copy somewhere on my shelves. So following its prevailing mantra I did something recently to expand my comfort zone and help reduce my anxiety. I am not saying what it was but rather like the way that some people either like marmite or hate it, to my surprise it was really quite pleasant which I had not expected. Its not something I shall be doing again for a while I suspect but if appropriate when needed I am ready to put my new skill set and hopefully win friends and influence people, I havent got that book though. 

I notice a lot of people are now back out gigging again which is good news. I would love to be out and joining  them and I hope the opportunity comes again.  However the recruiting drive has not been  successful so far despite trying different several different approaches sadly. It’s hard not to get disheartened frankly.  I will keep trying though it’s beginning to feel like an exercise in total futility. It feels almost like I am on some sort of blacklist?  It really  makes me  wonder at times.  Answers on a post card please 🙂   I hope that does not seem too negative as its not intended to be but if I am doing something wrong I would love to know what it is? 

 

 ‘The lady doth protest too much, methinks‘

(Hamlet, Act 3, Scene 2)

       
 

    

Lost the plot if there was one

Musings, other, whatever

I have lost the plot recently to some extent. The usual fight with depression and anxiety. I looked back to see what I was doing recording and writing wise last Autumn and Winter. It was quite a lot of material. Some times 8 tracks a month or more. An insane amount really. Now emotionally things have calmed down and I have stopped frantic though actually quite productive activity. So I need to take a few chances with regard to other people and influences, with other ideas. I need people to bounce ideas off. I think I could have handled the bereavements OK if we hadn’t suffered the covid lockdowns. That was the one step beyond I think. Previously when I have felt like this the routine obligations have kept me going but now there are none. Everything is on tap and if I were to order food to be delivered I would not have any reason to leave the premises. That might work for some folks. The paradox is I need to connect with people but I am rubbish at that sort of thing. I am having to try to improve those skills now of necessity as I always relied on have one or two friends that were a gateway to a social life. So a weird combination of events has lead me to this. I grant that it may be the case that its me and a million others in manys of course. 

So I know what’s up, but I can’t see how to fix it. I have found a few more useful strengthening exercises for my arms, which are weak due to my back problems. Just started them and they do hurt a bit but long term they should help get me back on track with a bit of luck..