Sometimes it just gets to you. Today it has. I feel cut off from everything that I don’t experience though the medium of a screen. Its difficult. I can see why people turn to drink I think.Its very quiet here. The usual tricks are not working at all. Its very quiet here. I should be Ok as I have stuff going on and new musical buddies and a few musical positives have happened. So I should be on an up at present, but I am not at all. The evenings are getting lighter but my mood is getting darker.
Thats come around quickly. Today I was recording with Jon Bickley and the Invisible Folk Club Band in Whitwell near Luton. It’s a surprisingly scenic area, much to my surprise. You learn something new everyday. Anyway I am back at home thinking. Now that is a dangerous game. I got home switched the synth on and found some weirdness so I was off and recording a tune. Some unpopular music I think. Violins to be added to taste later. And here is my new tune
Local walking group? Going for a walk at 09.00 when you can barely stand up due to the spine problems knocks that on the head, though bizarrely 3 hours later I am usually fine. I was very well suited to my previous musical life in terms of body clock and so forth. I only managed to get by in the Civil Service as I could start the day at 10.00 am.
Volunteer?
The labour party is ideologically going to a place that is not for me (far too much tory lite stuff now) . I will vote for them but that is as far as it goes. The latest Labour leaflets are causing a stir as they are plastered in union jacks and people don’t want to distribute them in ethnic minority areas.
There are activities of all sorts going on. I just don’t want to do them alone. As you might well understand making new (platonic as I am emotionally vulnerable) friends as an ageing slightly sweary transgender person is not the easiest thing at times. I am not reclusive, but I do find large groups of people difficult as I am introverted to an extent other than when performing really. Time may of course make all this irrelevant.
Its to far away to see, so I will take your word for it. Perhaps we did, I will trust what you say. Another average week. A band Rehearsal, working on some of my music. Stuff like that. But I feel completely empty. Completely.
Orchard See also the Sonic Boomers. I will be playing gigs with both of those bands this year. Click through on the names to see gig listings
So the answer is a resounding no I think. Maybe this year things will kick off a bit, but hopefully sooner than later as I don’t feel like I am going to last the course anymore. I have just got too tired I think. So if it’s over and out now, so long its been good to know you. I am hanging on a sbest I can but I think my grip is failing. I really have tried though. Currently I am recording a song where maybe what I actually think will come out in the lyrics. I need to get the pain out like lancing a boil if I can. I think I have managed to get a suitable vocal take. It will take a bit of effort mixing it though. I did make one minor adjustment. I have a bit of variable mood lighting in my musicroom/studio, and I have not to put it on recently. It makes it a lot cosier with a much better vibe. I often feel fine during the day, but I find in the evenings though I want to get on with recording I just don’t seem to be able to focus, but weirdly changing the lighting seems to get me up and running. So I shall just have to remember to do that. I have made a note to do that for a week or so and see if actually helps in a longer term.
Perhaps I should also try not watching the news as much too. I don’t want to be unaware but I can’t deal with it at present.
It seems that at least on the very local (Bedford) music scene things are opening up again now, which is good news really. There are some green shoots showing. Open mics and a few proper gigs as well now. Maybe time for plan B.
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