Ted Heath saw: “the growth of a nasty, narrow-minded nationalism, which believes that we can survive without the rest of the world and, in its more arrogant form, that we can just tell the rest of the world what it should do. We think that we can tell the rest of the world, “Do what we say, or else we go”, implying that our loss is so great that they are bound to do what we say.

“In the modern world,” he concluded, “nothing could be further from the truth.”.

Well they do don’t they? Everything and possibly everybody has a price.
I think I have to include myself in that too. So its now November 2018 and its getting damp and cold and dark. Today I was working on a song called “Everybody sells out eventually” and of course it turns out that its true.
Do we give up on our ambitions for a quiet life. Damn right we do.

The music is getting darker and darker all the time though actually slightly better though my voice is I feel getting a little stranger over time. I really need to sort out working with a couple of vocalists as a bit of an experiment. Perhaps I can drag one in off the street 😉

Last night I had a very odd dream, of the non-fantastic hyper-realistic sort. My mother was in it asking me when I was going to move out. Well I quit the nest quite late but still around 35 years ago so I don’t know what that was all about? I awoke feeling pretty strange afterwards.  I need to make a new friend or two I feel. Most people I know are 50 miles or more away.  So when your my age and a weirdo how do you make new friends. I don’t have much in common with most people my age apart from aching bones, a bad temper and an inability to suffer fools. I am rubbish at making small talk and tend to lapse into silence. This does not seem to get any easier as time passes.  Being a depressive also doesn’t make for a level playing field, and it is remarkably easy to score a few own goals along the way.  And don’t get me started on politics. That’s something else that is unlikely help me win friends and influence people either. 

Currently my rainy day exercise regime is a few turns up and down the stairs so I can easily do 100 plus steps a day before anything else. That helps a bit but its a tad anti-social. My weight is OK but may well go up if I don’t get a little bit more active. When you feel a bit low its easy to just curl up into a ball and do nothing.  When I am on the phone I usually walk whilst speaking and I often do have long phone calls. Unfortunately I don’t have that many people to speak to that I feel at ease with and I try to avoid pissing off the ones that I can talk with.  

I don’t know what I was expecting from this move but it’s not quite happening the way I thought it would I had an immense relief but not having to constantly worry about that.
it’s great being in the countryside whilst  the weather is fantastic  and has been so far this year so I have to ask myself what actually wrong and it’s quite difficult to figure out.

I’ve got reasonable freedom to do pretty much what I want and I got a studio room and I’m making use of it and the gigs are going relatively well and and relatively speaking I’m just about managing. I had hoped by now I might have connected with a few people in the local community but that’s not really happening and I think it’s mostly my fault although I can’t see what I have in common with most of the folks that likely to be hanging  around here at the times that I am.

I suppose that comes from being a certain age also not having children or grandchildren cuts down the number of things you can talk about because my life experience is probably very different to a lot of people that live here for  so many reasons.  I don’t want to bore people to death by talking about music all the time. I don’t have much else in the way of conversation lately.

Of course we also have the insanity which is about Brexit that’s quite depressing in itself because it means its likely that a lot of things people are hoping to do may not  now be possible, though I would hope otherwise.