Its nearly the longest day

Gosh,  mid summer in semi-lockdown already.  So  a few random thoughts running through my head which I shall jot down here.

So today has been a mostly wearing a shoulder brace day. I have just taken it off an few moments ago. It’s helping a lot. Also the exercises. I still dont have enough of an appetite though. I am now down to 10 stone. Of course one reason may well be no gigs = no beer to start with. From 2018 to 2019 I started buying a lot more booze to drink at home. Not much by most peoples standards but enough. This year maybe one bottle of a wine a week at most. Also no big post gig appetite for 02.00 or 03.00 feasts.

I often think if I were to actually attempt to write an autobiography and catalog the stuff that has happened to me, both good and bad people would simple not believe it. Also with “incidents” we have to remember the effect on the individual psychologically which may be totally disproportionate to the triggering event.

I dare not write the songs I would like to. I actually believe that is a casual evil present in the uk running through every layer of our collective nation psyche like the letters in a stick of seaside rock and that the majority of people dont give a flying fuck about others in society as long as nothing affects them personally. Anyway here is  a new song for you all.

I did a bit more recording with the dulcima this week. Its spooky because due to the nature of the instrument and the tuning it could be Vicky playing it. Also I would have been heavily influenced along the way.. I am doing a dulcima tin whistle and fiddle tune that will sound very raw. I can play the dulcima but on one level it does not speak to me easily. I shall crack on though and see if the result is worth bothering with. as you do.

We have had massive downpours here. Unbelievable amounts of wet falling out of the sky’s.

I have recently discovered a few  possibilities of live video via the web ab that go far beyond what a lot of people will be considering. On my most powerful computer I have some software which not only allows me to combine 7 or 8 video sources essentially make broadcast studio but also allows me to take any content from the web and include it the reason this is useful is because they always it may turn into a potential money spinner. So be very afraid is all I shall say.

Well, it been a bit of a week.  My anxiety levels are creeping up and there does not seem to be much I can do about them, other than just try and chill out as much as possible. Yep, its hard work for sure. I guess there are a lot of other people who are feeling much the same right now of course. I have been trying to carry on doing stuff. I have tried doing a little drawing and sketching to get my mind into a different place and it helps a little but the bizarre intrusive thoughts are quite overwhelming at times, as they often are even at the best of times. I have had a good crack at all the usual techniques for this over the years so I do have ways of trying to keep the demons tied down sufficiently. But I feel trapped. Actually I am not really as I have open spaces to visit and space to do stuff but I really do miss social contact with people other than my partner. We are people with very different interests and under normal conditions that actually works quite well for us. But right now it’s not. I do phone calls and video chats and stuff and that helps but it is often not really enough I find.
There is a big difference between being face to face with someone and seeing and hearing them on a screen.

It’s looking likely that we will not be seeing anything remotely normal for 18 months or so. Perhaps by August, the pubs will be open again. At least some of them. It’s not likely to be the sort of places that I have played music at though as these do not allow for social distancing sadly.

Also its difficult to tell if any weird symptoms are the bug or just anxiety and other stuff. I have had headaches which might be stress or hay fever or maybe just not sleeping well. My back has been playing up a lot and making it very difficult to use the PC so one way and another its not going too well. I find myself getting very irritable too.

Audio version below.