Today everything is aching. So its not the best day so far. Its not gone that well for the guy delivering a digger on the building site opposite as he took a wall down with his trailer.  OK a  moments amusement was found watching the proceedings I admit.  Watching others work is part of my routine at present. The house building is finished and they are landscaping a public open space which will be the completion of the development here which we have watched over the 3 years we have been here. So I can say in truth I remember this when it was all fields 😉  
Though not particularly interesting ones. And I am so tired. Drained and unmotivated.  I had hoped to be recording today but the aches and pains seem to have knocked that for 6.  I might have a try in a little while  though if possible. Wish me luck.  I am trying hemp oil again,as it supposed to help with joint pains and anxiety. Quiet desperation or what. I guess this what aging is about.  The spirit is willing  but…

I have couple of project tracks I am supposed to be adding violin for people  and I had completely forgotten about them. Must try harder LOL.   Actually I did send something off today. Go me. To be fair only after being reminded. Whoops.  I am not sure how good it is but hey its a start.  I have added a new set of arm resistance exercises this week to my routine, ever hopeful that it may help with one or two problems, preferably without it making anything else worse.

The end of the world is always nigh I have found. Much introspection going on here about the balancing what  we do in life between short term and long term gains. I am somewhat mired in nostalgia and that is stopping me from getting on with things which should make my life better. I am recording a song and it sounds very 90’s. It may not do by the time its finished though of course. I am glad that I have some music theory and ability to read and write it as it makes it much easier to carry on with stuff. Especially when one gets demotivated its a useful scaffold to start building on, even if one had no ideas in ones head at all. It possible to just lay some foundations and then inspiration may well kick in out of the blue yonder.

So will UK Covid restrictions end on June 21?  I rather feel that they wont and we will not see any real change until early autumn and nothing like normal till spring 22. For me its not personally going to make much difference and I will just be ticking over.

I have signed up to join  zoom singerarounds with the local bedford folk club finally. If and when it opens its doors again that’s going to be useful as this is the one next door in Kempston just the other side of the trees I can see in the far distance from my studio room. 

Anyway surprise, surprise here is a new song.  Take it easy out there…

This is the most recent of my recordings. It’s a  jazz style instrumental with Violin. No surprise there then.

 So what else is new? Not a lot yet but there is a light in the horizon that we are slowly proceeding towards.  Where I reside it is still more like April than may weatherwise annoyingly.    I did record a jazz style track yesterday that sort of came out of nowhere but seems to have worked well in my opinion. Judge for yourself of course.

I was very anxious this morning again. I have managed to get it under control again though. Its definitely in part repressed guilt and trying to block memories and things .My inner puritan is giving me grief. . And I am having lots of dreams that mean I wake up tired. So I am doing a few comfort zone expanding things that may help. Feel the fear and do it anyway and all that? Though perhaps my comfort zone is a quite compact compared to many folks.  Lockdown has definitely done my brain in hugely as the Donald might have said. I now have a very tense neck. It may be something to do with with the posture correction exercises. Some days are OK but some are diabolical.  

There was an article about people having disturbed dreams and broken sleep since the lockdowns started and I can certainly say I have recently experienced that to a degree. I am having a fair amount of disturbed sleep and wake most mornings feeling groggy and fatigued. The weather is not helping that though.  Everything I do at present does not require leaving these 4 walls which has also had a strange effect on psyche.  The days and week since Christmas 2020 have merged in to a continuous whole where there is no difference between the week and the  weekends.
 
On the date this is written  it would have been my Friend Ralph Stephensons 75 birthday.  It feels like perhaps  now is the time to try and look forward a bit for a change.  Maybe tomorrow as the song says.