Category Archives: whatever

Stuf that I can’t fit anywhere else…

Can You Really Change The Path Your Life Will take?

Delta Ladies, Diana Stones Songs, glass cage, music, Musings, other, piano works, whatever

Can You Really Change The Path Your Life will take or is it all preordained? Its something I have been thinking about a lot latterly. It often feels to me that many outcomes are a little to predictable at times as if one had a form clavoyance. Sometimes I don’t always seem to be able to keep a rational measured view on things. At times I have felt as there some strange force guiding me but also shutting certain doors and opening others. perhaps really it is just my subconscious, but it can feel like an external force almost. At my lowest ebb I have felt there is some malign force trying to knock me back when I get too cocky. Perhaps we simply have a need to apportion blame to avoid taking responsibility for our own destiny or rather the outcome of our decisions’. I have run in to an odd problem with a project that may well be simply due to me making a couple of mistakes due to a lack of concentration which hopefully I may now have fixed and whilst I know logically it’s just a mistake again my mind wants to interpret it as some sort of malign elemental force standing between me and victory.
I suspect it’s not though. My body clock is out of kilter so sleep is not so good at present as I am dreaming a lot and waking up tired too.

Currently I am having a weird problem with a release through soundclouds distro system where it keeps telling me that the audio language is incorrect. I have checked everything about 4 times now. There was an error which I have corrected but it seems not to have made any difference. If they don’t sort it out soon I will have to use a different platform I think. It’s odd as I have never had problems with them before.

When I have a problem I tend to get stuck and totally obsessed with it, it s a real nuisance at times for me. I feel it stems from a lack of control in my earlier life as a child when I was bullied and there was also a lot of gaslighting. Eventually I ended up with a belief system that if something went wrong it was always due to malicious intent or somebody trying to stop me from doing something. Sometimes it may have been but as time went by then usually it was not. Unfortunately my subconscious has never quite recovered from those fixed ideations. So one little upset when I am feeling fragile sets me off again. The worst part is that I really struggle to shift the focus of my attentions elsewhere.

Ultimately The Best Result You Can Ever Get Is A Draw

Diana Stones Songs, glass cage, music, Musings, other, whatever

There is no winning ultimately. I have just taken a break from working on a new track. It’s going well but I don’t want to mess it up and a few things I tried are not turning out as I had hoped. So it is time for a tea break. Post tea break I have adopted a different strategy which seems to have worked better 🙂 So I am mixing at present. In fact I have mixed it and verily here is the song.

It was sunny again as I drove to my rehearsals in Stevenage in the afternoon. the trees are already showing signs of buds which seems very early to me, though I don’t have much knowledge of such matters. have been quite creative in musical terms this month , lots of recording and writing plus rehearsals and learning band stuff. My brain feels a bit fried though at present. I have deliberately made the effort to keep a bit busier at home to avoid too much of the usual mood crash that I always get this time of year. It’s hard to do on the days that your on your own though.

The new exercise bike is in regular use, fingers crossed it will have some health benefits in the longer term. It should increase stamina but I am not sure if it will reduce the aches and pains much though it may help with my mental health a little bit too. I have had it just a little over a week now so it’s very early days of course.

I have submitted my next Album release ” Tinfoil hat 1234″ which will go on distribution in mid February on Amazon spotty and so forth . Ok its an indulgence but it keeps me amused as I creep towards the onset of my dotage. Doing cover art is a problem so I just find a picture of me and use that now or occasionally a watercolour or pastel picture. I haven’t painted or drawn much recently though. An odd thing that occurred during the covid lockdowns was that essential I got used to being an indoor cat. Now the door is open but I am loath to walk out through it. After a while the sense of feeling trapped disappeared. I did a lot of useful and creative stuff during that time, interspersed with a few solo walks around my local area. Contrast that with now and I find it very difficult to keep focussed on anything on an at home day, when i might have a fair number of things to do. And also I try to avoid thinking too much. Its hard though. That’s often when the anxiety strikes. I am feeling a little like that tonight. A Saturday night In. Argh….

Hold Fast The Storm Will Pass

Diana Stones Songs, glass cage, history, music, other, whatever

Well I do hope so. So here’s a song about madness in my dreams which is currently the case. At least after the most recent ones, which have been very hard work indeed. I recorded this just over a year ago and this is the mastered version. Its a dark psych folk sort of vibe. Whatever that means.

I have had some very unsettling dreams recently and they are putting me a little out of sorts. I hope it eases a bit. I am on a nostalgia kick again or rather my mind is at present. It’s a bit unsettling to be honest. I don’t want to forget the good stuff, but I don’t want to be bound by the past either. This time of year is always a struggle to keep my head together. I have had the exercise bike for a week now and it’s starting to be part of daly the routine. I won’t be winning any endurance medals just yet though. Anything that can boost the endorphins is good though I reckon.

Sometimes trying to fix things doesn’t work. An example: after the Delta Ladies finally turned up its collective toes in Feb 2020 I only started finding new musical collaborators when I officially retired it. So by stopping I was able to start again My occasional gigs with Jan under the “New Delta Ladies” banner is really somewhat of an anomaly though a fun and pleasant one. When I hit a really bad patch at work post depression in the Civil Service I moved sideways into a different job and that allowed me to get going again. I think it is in my nature to persevere but sometimes that’s the wrong approach and I get mired down putting energy into dead ducks and lame horses. Its not always possible to judge when to throw in your hand and leave the table….

I watched a new film (released in December 2023) last night “Jules” with Ben Kingsley: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jules_(film) I really enjoyed it. Its Sci Fi comedy but it’s also about ageing. Milton (Ben Kingsley) is dealing with the start of memory loss. Much in resonated with me, in terms of the stage of life I am now in. That film was almost like a therapy session for me. I would recommend it wholeheartedly 🙂

One of my greatest worries is appearing flakey and unreliable. At present I do feel a bit vulnerable in that respect. I feel I have slowed down a lot recently and I am not too sure how to handle it. Small things are knocking me off course more than they used to and the lack of certain imperatives that are no longer relevant has meant loss of a degree of dogged determinism with life goals now being more fluid and not solely focused on financial stability as an overarching imperative anymore.


In-between typing my semi-literate ramblings here I have been working on a new song. I feel my voice is not what it was in many respects at present but that it does work well enough on recordings which are though a very different art to that of live performance in general. I feel that my voice has possibly had some long term change post covid but of course it might simply be the passing of the time? It is really hard to tell. But the key thing in a recording is how it works as a whole, and often somehow things do turn out to be more than the some of the parts in unexpected but serendipitous ways. In-between typing my semi-literate ramblings here I have been working on a new song. I feel my voice is not what it was in many respects at present but that it does work well enough on recordings which are though a very different art to that of live performance in general. I feel that my voice has possibly had some long term change post covid but of course it might simply be the passing of the time? It is really hard to tell. But the key thing in a recording is how it works as a whole, and often somehow things do turn out to be more than the some of the parts in unexpected but serendipitous ways. I shall keep on employing guile and cunning where possible to bridge any gaps in technique with slight of hand and the old magic.