My mental health is playing up and pushing me off balance slightly again. Whoops.
A bit of a polish and buff up wont cover it this time. Ho hum. But we do what we can whilst we can. Or at least we try. At times I do think should I consider going back on to medications again, but I don’t think it would be any better as the medications really do numb everything. They are great in a crisis, and I was on them for several fairly long periods of time.Now though I am not sure. If I got to the point where I was not functioning well I would jump back on the train though I think. Writing it down makes it easier to deal with it as it puts me at one remove from myself almost. I am easily triggered at times though. Lived experience made me what I am, and that cannot be undone. I wonder how people with very severe trauma manage, but of course the answer is actually that often they simply don’t.

A friend in a band that I built a website for many years ago got in touch as he has a tech problem he needs fixing. He has just played his first gig at Cambridge Rock Festival after a year off due to recurring illness as he has MS and and also a serious back injury. I said I was glad he was gigging again and he replied:”The gig nearly killed me, but better to die with your boots on so to speak”. That’s my tribe.

Its the weekend as I write this and hopefully things will remain quiet after the disturbances last week. It’s been very disturbing for everyone. What happens next in British society is paramount. We have the opportunity to reboot the narrative now. There was a genuine grassroots demonstration of a feeling of solidarity and an outburst of common sense which may well have defused what could have been so much worse. But it is a little bit back to the future and somebody my age has seen it all before. So my faith in humanity is now slightly restored.

I did try to see the Perseids but sadly there was too much cloud cover here as is often the case. Still they will be around until the end of the month so there is a chance. Each night I try and look.

I have had a few distractions that have stopped me from making the best use of the last few days though. Family and other misunderstandings.