Today I got stressed again. So here is a new song I just finished because why not. I need a distraction. Currently I am starting to work on reducing my anxiety triggers with a bit off desensitisation therapy. I am not sure how much it will help but I need to try. I am still getting hung up on stuff or triggered a lot. And losing my temper. I just can’t handle things too well right now. But maybe it’s still “Feel the fear and do it anyway”. Maybe I am fighting myself though? Feels like it at times. I have a lot of anger in me that is just under the surface. Its to do with being/feeling powerless and it’s a hangover from when I was growing up, but it’s never gone away. Ho hum. I just can’t flush it from the system like lime scale in a kettle almost.
I just got back from the Chesham Fringe Festival after performing as part of Jonathan Bickleys rather good Invisible Folk Club band at the George and Dragon. A jolly fine time was had by all
The latest album Robin Hood by Jonathan Bickley which I am fiddling on along with the rest of the Invisible Folk Club band.
Don’t you hate waiting, at the dentist or for the cable guy or the automobile association.
On a recent rehearsal with Jon Bickley with we played our next gig set 3 times in a row. A bit of a workout, but we also videoed it too. Next week we will do the same thing again. Its for a gig in Amersham in a month or so. I don’t play many gigs these days and I also play with several bands, duos and also solo. These days every gig is often completely different. As time has gone on my personal position in terms of security and finance has become more stable whereas other people i know are now now not so assured and comfortable as they were. I am still very anxious which is triggered I believe mostly by personal issues, but almost any new activity it seems can set it off. Good bad or different or indifferent. Even if it’s something I am really looking forward to. Crazy.
So today is a waiting day. Ho Hum. Blogg on then. I have a new tune, but not all words for it yet. And very little inspiration either. I have drawn a mental blank. Feelings though do wash over me at times, a little out of control and they rattle my cage.
Currently I am playing with the vocal processor on a track. Its quite an interesting sound as I am singing quite jazzy lines and the effect is both pleasing but also very weird harmonically. I will put on a “straight” vocal line too and maybe use a bit of both in the mix. I have no idea if this track will work as its got very weird. Its definitely a marmite song. But sometimes you just have to let loose and get off the leash. Its brewing up for something though.
This is a tune of Vicky Martins which was finished after her death.
This a lyric that I am using in a new song that’s currently in the process of being recorded. It will be either too weird or very good 😂
Lost to others in all but dreams
Today is the day you thought you were waiting for.
All worries and sin is cleansed and swept away, but you don’t feel any better. You just sit reading that letter, is it better to have loved and lost at all. One day you will get the call, then you will stumble and you will fall. And wonder how this ever came to be. One moment on the bank then you slip into the stream and times current pulls your head under and you are lost to others in all but dreams.
I wish that you had held your hand out and i could have grabbed it very tight. I would have held onto you and pulled with all my might. My grip though would be as tight as days have passed and strength has withered on the vine. And then you slip out of my grasp.
Today is the day that you will never know, that you never knew. But we that still see you are all left behind.
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