Category Archives: Delta Ladies

Times tides wash us away like pebbles on a beach

Delta Ladies, Diana Stones Songs, glass cage, history, music, Piano, piano works, whatever

Sad to say another friend has died. Jan who ran Waltham Abbey Folk Club where I have played a few times. She became ill suddenly in January and died in a hospice this week on April 1st. She was a very interesting character and also had many cats. Her house had a large extension conservatory which was full of large foliage plants that grew out of the lounge and into the small garden so that it looked as though the end of her lounge was the entrance to a mysterious jungle that you might walk into, never to be seen again.

That’s now 6 friends and my aunt and my sisters partner who have died in a period of less than 2 years which includes one suicide and a death from covid. Its making it a bit difficult to try and keep my spirits up right now. All of this and the combination of lockdown and no opportunities to perform anywhere has been a bit of a perfect storm for my mental health. Its difficult at times like this not to become very introspective or overly nostalgic. Also to dwell over past mistakes if they were actually mistakes of course. At times like this “what ifs” weigh heavy on the mind.

So my current routine continues much as ever otherwise. Exercise to help with the back problems which some days is hard going. Music practice and composing and recording. Phone calls and some remote recording and rehearsal sessions on most days, The odd walk around and about locally. I have used my car so little that I have had not needed to put fuel in it for nearly 4 months. I take it out for a run once a week if I have not had to do a shopping trip. Contrast that with 3 years ago when I was doing around 15000 miles a year to and from gigs and related stuff.

Currently I have 2 gigs booked both in 2022, until then my diarys a little empty 😉

Land of longer daylight

Delta Ladies, Diana Stones Songs, glass cage, music, Musings, whatever

So sunset moves a little later from today.  Its dull here and cloudy and slightly windy so there are not many folk out except for a few dog walkers and the occasional passing EDM bass drum riffing from the passing traffics sound system. So no particular outbreak of sunny up land isums today from the general populace.  Its so dull we wont get much of a sunset either by the look of things. 

Yesterday was spent mostly sketching out musical ideas. So I have the outline for a new number that really ought to be a song sitting on the music stand. Its watching me begging for attention like a friendly dog or unfed cat, but I am ignoring it at present.  I should really make more use of programming drum rhythms as I have the facilities and it does make a more or organic vibe to the tracks. just that little extra thing but seems quite a benefit. Also the sheer mental exercise cant hurt either.  The wind chimes on my balcony came adrift from there moorings  which somewhat broke my revery too.  I had an interesting discussion with a songwriting friend who I have recently been collaborating with via na online live link.  He said  “I write songs, but you make records”. My approach to music is often made with arrangement in mind that would often be difficult to replicate in a live environment with te kind of resources I have. Often what I create tends to sound more and more as though its the sound track from some unmade film. This is not a conscious thing, it’s just the way it manifests itself now frequently. I seem to have mislaid the ability to just write a song by picking up a guitar and bashing out the lyrics. I suppose it’s the way my head works now and a year of virtual isolation has pushed me further in that direction. This may all sound somewhat pretentious but it is not meant to in any way. It’s Just the way I do things now.  In my defense I have been doing it for about 40 years or so. perhaps I am a bit set in my way now.    As I write this I am listen to a few recent tracks playing back at fairly low volume.  That’s usually a good test of how well a track works, if it works at a just above ambient playback level.  At present writing and recording and composing  is about the only thing keeping me sane and frankly it’s getting to be touch and go in recent weeks.  

At the time of writing we are just about to have the first level of opening up of the lockdown for meeting people outside. I don’t think that it will make much difference to me personally yet until its possible to meet people indoors. That will not be until mid May assuming that there are no hiccups. Perhaps then I will be able to think about getting things prepared to a potential return to some sort of live performance again and the opportunity to work face to face with other musicians again.   It will be interesting to see if there is much more in the way of people out and about.  I am guessing here it will not be much different with mums and kids roaming about in the short term.  The promise is that on June 21 we seriously unlock  and I really hope that happens otherwise what is the point of the current vaccination program?  

I have pretty much lost touch with casual acquaintances now apart from a few facebook message. two of my close trusted friends died within the last two years. That’s not helping me with attempts to keep on top of things as I have gotten into a very negative mindset.  I have continued generalized anxiety that will not abate as well.  I have tried everything to sort this out and it seems nothing much helps.
Is there a roadmap for  back to normal. I am not convinced. 

So here is a tune for you all.

 

Can we ever say more than we did our best?

Delta Ladies, Diana Stones Songs, glass cage, music, Musings, whatever

Can we ever say more than we did our best?  I am not sure we can really. I am mired in gloom today and not really sure why. The sun was out on a crisp winters day.  I took a brief trip to the shop to collect from the amazon locker.  Came home and tried to work on some project stuff but I couldn’t get motivated at all, though I did start a lyric and a couple of ideas for a tune or possibly two.  Its the first week of my extended exercise routine and I think its helpful.  I need to keep fairly mobile now if I can. Otherwise if I ever play a gig again I will  keel over from exhaustion before I even get started. Its a very clear, very cold night heer in Bedfordshire and you can recognise a couple of the major constellations.  the universe continues perfectly well without my interference of course 🙂  Everything feels so strange as we come close to the first anniversary of   restrictions brought in for Covid-19 in the UK where at the time of writing we are on our third lockdown which will be in place until at least spring judging by the way things are currently going.  Some days go well enough but today  has been hard for me. I would like to talk to one or two absent friend but they have passed beyond the orbit of this world now. Its hard going.  I dreamt I was playing a gig with the full line-up of the Delta Ladies with Vicky martin at the helm  in some big edwardian pub or other. Its seems like another world now to be honest. So on waking ity was disappointing to know that that’s pretty much all gone now.  Vicky was a pretty much irreplaceable force of nature and whilst I did attempt to carry on it  we could not quite make escape velocity in the end.  Plus lockdown finished everything  pretty much in March of  2020.   2021 has started and I feel exhausted mentally and  I feel I am beyond the point  where I can try and pick up the pieces again to be honest.  I do not expect there to be anyone riding out of the shadows to pick up the baton now. I am not even sure if I can actually cut it live now frankly.  It’s now nearly one year since the last Delta Ladies gig in a small pub in reading called “The Retreat”. Remaining members of the band have also had fairly serious ill health  to contend with too.  Its possible there may be a grand finale at some point. But there needs to be a  new road or else there is no road to travel now.

It’s  a pretty low ebb for me now. I really need be mixing with people but the current situation makes it impossible of course.  My fairly paranoid internal dialogue is increasingly difficult to block as well.  I am creating music and trying to keep going.  One day at a time is as good as it gets though.  From here onward is obscured to me assuming there is a going forward from this point as nothing is guaranteed in this life.

I send out my musical messages in a bottle  into the either and wonder…

So can we ever say more than we did our best?