Category Archives: Delta Ladies

Lions Mane

Lions Mane, does it work? Maybe. I have been taking it for about 3 weeks approx now and I feel it has made me less fatigued and mentally a little sharper, but also less depressed. That’s a major benefit if it really is working. it’s not expensive and it’s been in use for centuries’ apparently so I feel it is worth a go.

A new song:

Wondering If You Could Tell Me

Currently a few things are on the boil and the car is still not running yet, though work is in hand.

One of the hardest things things I have found to deal with is the fact that so many of us are seen as one dimensional figures through the filter of social media. For that reason I am very careful to try and not be dismissive of others as often they may well have a back story and wealth of experience that one is totally unaware of.

Conversely I forget that people will also of course not be aware of much of what I have done, been involved in doing over the years outside the field of music. But it can grate a bit when you have do have technical knowledge and experience in a certain field to have to justify yourself to people that have not even bothered to check their own facts first before starting a debate/argument. I guess that is the human experience.

A friend sadly now no longer with us used to get very upset after doing favours and helping people out to find that rarely if ever was it reciprocal. My friend was a perpetual optimist it must be said but was often taken in believing that everything was transactional. Its difficult to find a balance. I have found people often commit to things that in reality they will not be able to do even if they take a sacred oath or sign a parchment at midnight in blood . So if I am able to help somebody out I try to do it with no expectations of any sort of reward because it seems to be the thing to do. If a little good comes back to me that’s a bonus. Sometimes the people that you have the highest expectations of turn out to be the ones least lightly to throw you a life belt….

It seems to me at present that I am a little bit stuck again and I am not entirely sure what my next move should be. I am not as fatigued as I was at Christmas which is helping. But I am lacking a bit of magic generally. My mission this year has to be to try and make some local acquaintances if not friends. Maybe it’s not possible of course but it’s worth a try. I lost trans friends because a lot of mine transitioned and had GRS and that became there life to the exclusion of other things. By the time they were post op and settled we did not have much on common. As I mentioned many were successful people with there shit together. I was invited on holidays but couldn’t afford it. That sort of thing. There was also a sort of trans apartheid with many separatists who though us non surgical types were frivolous dilettantes to contend with and also 17 years of not being around due to playing gigs. My problems were maybe self inflicted a little as I didn’t give time to my mental health and wellbeing in terms of dealing with gender issues that I could have discussed with others maybe?

October’s Musings In The Rain Kingdom

Golden October? Pumpkin seeds🎃 Lots of those in a pumpkin when you slice them up. The second experiment with the slow cooker today which will be pumpkin stew if the gods allow it.
It’s still mighty wet out though. I guess harvesting will be difficult? Not that I know about such matters of course.

This rains been going on for a week solidly now and it’s definitely not normal in my personal experience. Maybe this is a real manifestation of climate change. Its very different to the last few years at this point in the season. As usual I am trying to do stuff in the studio and I have started with a slightly unusual drum pattern for me which I have an idea about. Will it work? Stay tuned or not I guess, (more bad puns coming up). I will be teaming it up with a modal flavoured electric 12 string guitar part. I know I will regret it as it always takes me about half an hour to tune it. And also to find a suitable tone that’s interesting but not too distracting. The struggle is real 😉

Update. It took me 20 minute the get the thing sufficiently in tune, but it’s sounding Ok now.
The tracks maybe not going to work that well. I have put some string lines on it from the Korg but I am not sure if I like it or hate yet it so I will stop now as I am getting kind of irritable.

I think a lot of my issues are routed in the fact that I stil have an ongoing struggle with depression and anxiety that makes a thing more difficult than they might otherwise be. This as I am sure you can understand also has left me with a tendency to not entirely trust others motivations and a fear of being manipulated/used which has happened in the past due to a combination of naivete and also sheer desperation at times. The few odd extra musical job opportunities’ have dried up completely this year, which hasn’t helped much either and the arthritis can only be managed to a certain degree. I get frustrated with myself that I am not able to engage more with people generally in social environments which I do find difficult on my own anyway. I have tried to live a simple life but its always got very complicated due to the fact that I have never been very good at walking away and perhaps too often guilty of flogging a dead horse. So music has a lot of extra baggage attached to it for me. I have usually gone the extra mile for people to try and make things work. I have sort of lost faith in it all really I suppose.


One Step Forward Two Steps Backward Means All Work And No Play

Existential angst mostly. That’s what’s on my mind.

Labour and Conservative, what is the difference. Slightly less xenophobia?
Also the simplistic “working people” trope and still no proper “social housing” as in old school council houses due to misplaced ideology plus a few 100 other things….
So most people think it is one bunch of suits swapped for another (that’s actually what I think too).

The real ideological problem is in my opinion this: Clinging on to the old school notions that everyone wants the equivalent of a “middle class” lifestyle and sharing that view is in part the problem, Up north there are a lot of people who don’t share those views and are frankly often ill educated with a very narrow minded and naive view of the world. They are the ones and their descendants that Thatcher wrote off. They are the ones that supported Brexit, and some of them were rioting, possibly in part because that nice Mr Khan that owns the local 7-11 has a 3 year old Mercedes and they don’t… There needs to be a massive cultural shift. The arts need to be opened up to everyone. It will taken generations to fix. Not all old school socialist ideas were daft. Yes we need a strong economy and a skilled workforce, but also we need poetic road sweepers and homes for those that can work but will never be even hedge hoppers let along high flyers. Aspiration is fine but all the perspiration and grafting in the world won’t get you there if its not in the stars for you.

On a different subject I do YouGov polls. they did one today about “How Woke Are You”.
daft really, but the comments were interesting. A lot of guff about “woke” erasing british culture… I am so woke to the point that gammons are at risk of spontaneous combustion if I am within 3 meters of them.

And I just saw this from another occasional musical co-conspirator: “Statement from Ealing Blues Festival Founder Bob Salmons (aka musician Robert Hokum) as he bids farewell to the event he started in 1987 and where he remained Artistic Director, until 2024. “Well it’s not so much ‘Elvis has left the building’ as ‘Bob is leaving the park’ as I have joined the likes of Stephen Hawking and Rob Burrow in having Motor Neurone Disease and thus have to say ‘goodbye’ to the event that I have brought to Ealing’s Walpole Park since 1987.”

Blimey….

That was a shock.

Here are a few of my Tunes