Monthly Archives: December 2023

Conspiracy Theory

Just a quick song that came out of nowhere as they often do. More of a demo than the finished article to be honest.

The season is upon us and there’s nothing we can do. At present that’s exactly what I do. Something rather than nothing. That’s why I don’t stop. When I feel that I really cant be bothered anymore I will feel my race is run. In winter each year I do often get slow and morbid. The kindly voices say to me, “it’s ok you’ve done enough”. They are the kindly siren voices of doom, so I must not let them lure me on the rocks just yet. One day though they will be right of course….

The wind did wake me yesterday about 04.00. My energy is a tad depleted to put it mildly. Sometimes in artistic and creative terms you get to a point where you feel like you are just chasing your tail. I finished recording a song and I am not sure about it all. I though it was good when I started it, but I suspect it may be pants after all. Only you the jury can decide. My head is full of thoughts that I cant control, that I was hoping would have faded a bit. Even when you are past it, are you really past it?

And in the news:

Proof the worlds gone mad in the Telegraph newspaper: “Britain has pinned its hopes on Donald Trump for a US trade deal after Joe Biden scrapped early stage talks. Whitehall sources told The Telegraph ministers hoped a post-Brexit free trade agreement (FTA) could be revived under a second Trump administration after next November’s US election.”

Surely he can get elected if he is under house arrest or something, though it is of course the “Land of the Free” apparently.

What’s Going On?

Christmas is lurking, Santa’s getting fat
Please leave the lights on whilst we sort out this crap

Yep. This weeks been a very mixed bag. I had a visit from my sister to help her sort out a few things with regard to her recent move to London. Also get her phone back to normal after her cat managed to turn on the Android disability suite and screen reader by walking over the phone. We could not get it to switch off though despite following the instructions. We persisted though and victory was attained eventually. Paradoxically this was achieved by performing the same commands many times over and over again until finally the phone admitted defeat and allowed us to get to the appropriate menu in the settings. I helped sort out a few other things which needed doing too.

What do I miss. What do I really miss? On a Saturday or Friday night. Proper gigs, a drive and a chat about putting the world to rights. Setting up the gear. Doing a stonking set and getting booked back again. Getting home at 03.00. I really do miss all that. Its seems like a remote and far distant dream now. But it was my life for many years. Not much but enough to give me a sense of achievement. That’s all gone now….

I have made progress socially in lots of areas really, but this time of year is hard going for me and I doubt that will change. I was sociable with the folks I worked with at the Civil Service to an extent. So although I was never deeply into pub culture I did have drinks with workmates. Then after I left I spent a lot of time playing music in pubs. But I was never good at going it alone. In those days though I was never on my own though of course.

What did the spider do when Robert the Bruce saw it?

One day, when he was hiding in a cave, Robert the Bruce saw a spider trying to spin her web. The spider tried six times to make her thread stick to the wall of the cave. It would not stick. On the seventh time, the thread stuck to the wall.

Meanwhile back in the haunted toy shop, the fiddling and twanging and piano bashing continues unabated of course. What else is there. A new instrumental tune below.


Its time for indulgence and cracking up I guess. Sometimes I want to try and walk in to the picture on the wall. Looking for something mythical just over the next hill towards the setting sun. That hidden land where everything is fine. Somewhere over the rainbow perhaps? I am still trying to get there, but will I know when I have arrived. I feel like I am vicariously living other lives via YouTube video’s at present.

In the 70s apart from my mates, nobody would have heard my music or songs except perhaps one or two in the local pub at best on on cassettes or late CDs passed around. Now in the last since about 2010 somewhere north of 150,000 plays have taken place on various websites and streaming services, so for me personally its better now as I have an audience and some of them are the mystery Facebook friends in far flung places so I get actual feed back about what I do.
In other music matters, I note that my most played tracks predominately are:

#1 Rock style songs (which tend to sound a bit late 60s/70s unsurprisingly considering my age and formative influences)
#2 Singer Songwriter/ Folk
#3Trance (EDM) with violin.

Other stuff gets played less, so strangely whilst I am not a fan of the sound of my own voice others apparently are. Occasionally I will do a world Jazz thing that people like a bit. But it seems the human voice (even mine is still popular).

I was always about recording stuff, making up tunes and creating arrangements, playing at making records if you like. So I sort of started from a different place. I was asked to join bands in my 20s (by student types that lived at home or often full time squatters on the dole), but I had just got a mortgage so there was no way I could go and rehearse with no gigs or money.

Sometimes though when I get to thinking too much I have hit the off switch for a while. I don’t have any musical outings till after Christmas. A mental reset is useful, semi-recluse mode can be a help in some respects.

I just found an old bit of studio kit I had forgotten about (vocal processor) that I had which may be useful. It still works after the dust was cleaned up so that might be fun.

Mend a quarrel
Search out a forgotten friend
Dismiss suspicion and replace it with trust
Write a love letter
Share some treasures
Give a soft answer
Encourage youth 

Manifest your loyalty in a word or deed
Keep a promise
Find the time
Forego a grudge
Forgive an enemy
Listen
Apologize if you were wrong

Try to understand
Flout envy
Examine your demands on others
Think first of someone else
Appreciate, be kind, be gentle
Laugh a little more.
Deserve confidence

Take up arms against malice
Decry complacency
Express your gratitude
Worship your God
Gladden the heart of a child
Take pleasure in the beauty and wonder of the earth

Speak your love
Speak it again
Speak it still again
Speak it still once again….

Hitting The Wall

After an OK week, I had a bit of a slump today though and missed out on a musical opportunity, that I was looking forward to but my head was not in the right place at all. Its frustrating but these things happen from time to time and one should follow ones instincts as its often in the long term the safest thing for maintaining friendships in the longer term. I am re-recording an old song I wrote in 1996. I think I might have actually nailed it this time (fingers and toes crossed) though. So I shall present it here, written in 1996.
A Piano and vocal ballad. “Thinking Of Writing You A Letter”

Its been a struggle today though.