Monthly Archives: August 2021

Windows and Wonderings

What’s new and how are you? It’s a lovely day in the neighbourhood. The sun’s out and there is a light breeze.  It’s a perfect Truman Show/Stepford Wives crossover day with a hint of the matrix for seasoning as it seems as though it is  the same people walking past every half hour or so.  Makes you wonder at times without a doubt, what’s real and whats with out outside.  The world though a window. Now with a constant band of changing strolling players. Some in Joggers motley, others in black attire. Some wobbling, some striding,  some swaying from side to side like landlocked sailors home from the sea after months away from dry land still feeling the uneven rhythm beating out slow parade drum march for them to synchronise to. And dogs, old, new, many and various. A cavalcade of wonder. Birds landing in great flocks for insect suppers on the ground or perhaps a seed feast? Then in a moment all gone and the ground is quite void of avian foragers. 

Other than looking out of the window, whats occuring. Well music,music, music of course but you knew that. It’s a sunday even as I type this. I have been out for a bit of fresh air and also doing  the studio stuff for a few hours. During recording sessions there is a temptation to idly gaze out of the window at times now the building site has gone or maybe that’s just me.  So the music I am working on has as is often the case got a life of its own and moved in a  very different direction than I originally envisaged. But often when that happens the end result can be a lot more interesting if it works out.  Well that is my excuse and I am sticking with it.

The days go in a flash. In the last week or so I have been getting up fairly late though I have been sleeping very well in the main.. last night I watched “Searching for sugar man” about the singer/songwriter Rodriguez who had two albums that flopped in the US in the early 70’s but became a cult star in South Africa. the legend was that he had committed suicide on stage. Actually it turned out that he had just gone back to building labouring in Detroit. Eventually he went and played gigs in South Africa several times but still lived a quiet life in Detroit in the same house he had lived in for 40 years. he has 3 children and is still around at 79 years of age. Its an interesting story of a very humble man IMO. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sixto_Rodriguez

I was struck particularly by the fact that his life style was simple and he said to his work mates after his first trip to SA to play gigs that he had two lives. Something about him struck a chord. His acceptance of life as it really is perhaps?

The things I would like in life are not in the power of anyone to grant me. Those things I could have in the worldly sense, seem trivial. Whilst I would not choose it I can see why some are drawn to a very simple life. I don’t think it would work for me though.

The lyrics I sketched out for the current track may well not work with it I suspect  or will have to be altered considerably but they may spark a better idea of course.
And the track is now an instrumental because its turned in to something very atmospheric in a very different way that I thought it would.  No problem though. It’s all exploration and surprises.  Much of what I create lands in a different place than the intended destination. However if it’s a good place I have learned to just go with it. 

My body is complaining. I have been trying some new stretching and resistance exercises and I may have overdone it a bit again. Hopefully that’s all it is.  It’s very tiring and tedious though. My posture is much better a year down the line, but I am still getting a  lot of joint and muscle pain. It’s difficult to know how much activity is too much or too little.  My feeling is as I  have become more active and now ache more, which seems a bit counter productive really. 
On difference is that with my head and neck straight I can draw a line straight down my back to my feet. The hump is still there but has moved further down my back and so appears less obvious.  Is this contributing to the pains as muscles adn joints adapt.Maybe?it maybe too much phone use is contributing to it from what I read. Nearly 18 months with lot of time spent  at home has certainly upped the hours using such devices.  I don’t seem to have much of an appetite again. I am not sure why but maybe I am simply not doing enough physically day to day? That seems the most likely reason. 
I sincerely hope that  Afghanistan’s future does not turnout to be a total disaster, but I can’t see it ending well.  I hope I am proved wrong. 
Some words came into my head this morning and the 1st verse of a song got written. Next to tackle the chorus which may not be quite so easy. 

To thine own self be true, and it must follow, as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man.’

(Hamlet, Act 1, Scene 3)

  

 

 

   

Adventures in Normality Land

Yep. Well actually no. It’s not really normal yet, very far from it. Yesterday was a bad day it must be said.   I feel a long way from everything and everyone. Disconnected. Its not getting any better either. I am sure I am not the only one that’s ever felt like this of course, but its the first time I have had this for anything but an instant.   Ho hum, alas  and alack.  And still everything hurts randomly. Its not getting any easier at present. 

Here’s a tune from a couple of years back. A fairly straightforward rock song. 
It’s another bit of space cadet sounding stuff lyrically though relatively straight forward musically.

Diana Stone Studi picture

Diana Stone Studio picture August 2021

It or what is it or why don’t you 

The silence breaks through again and suddenly the world has stopped and there is suffering everywhere but it is  unseen from these windows. 

The question comes, “You never talk about it” because to me its is an irrelevance. My identity it is but also equally it is not.  Am I what I do are what you know about me or even what I know about myself or at least think that I do?

And also what is It, my it or your it or their it  Actually that’s not it.

  I am not me then but perhaps a projection  or a reflection or an echo or a thought in my head  as everyday I am me but also someone else that I dont recognise, but its is not truly a disguise.  My  eyes don’t change.”

Existentialist cobblers. Perhaps. Discuss…..


    

Introspection and the Landscape in my Head

My head. You don’t want to wander around in there uninvited if you know whats good for you.  Far better take care and beware I say. Its monday as I write this having wrestled with a violin part for a recent tune that turned out to be more of a stretch than I anticipated.  It has worked out although I did think at one point I would have to abandon it.  I will let the rest of the world judge its worth or lack of same.

I seem to be having a lot of headaches at the moment, which might be sinus related.  It’s tiring.  Still I have had a reasonably useful day. I need to do some minor organization and tidying up in the studio room as its getting a bit messy and unpleasant to work in in some respects. Due to lockdown and other stuff  have though spent far longer in here at a stretch than I  used to though, but then I have also spent far longer at home that for any time in my life in the last 20 years or so .  As I write this I have become quite anxious and can not seem to shake it off. Its weird as it always seem to come out of nowhere, blown like invisible spores. Sometimes the body is sending signals for a reason too that one does not always receive and respond appropriately to.  

Music projects are proceeding as expected.  There is not much likelihood of anything live on the horizon at present unfortunately. Its still looking very much like this year continues to be flat in that respect.  I do miss live performance a lot. Both the musical and the social  aspects equally. I also miss the phone calls that no longer come and the now permanently absent friends.   That takes the wind out of my sails with a vengeance and then I am becalmed and likely to become ensnared in a mental sargasso sea of stagnation. Its like standing at the very edge of the universe knowing that you can never return home. You could go forward but never back as its expanding faster than you can fly. I stole that from a recent film as it fits the bill. 

Covid is still with us after 19 months or so and affecting pretty much  everything to some degree or other.  The new normal doesn’t feel anything like normal to me to be honest. And I have lost my confidence in public spaces having hardly been in any for 9 moths or more.  The lack of social interaction is also wearing me down.  I am keeping a reasonable outlook on the whole, but some days are very hard work.  I wonder if it’s going to be like this going forward for me now?   If I try and relax I get anxious, but I get just as anxious when I do have something to do even if it’s something I am looking forward to. At my age I should be long past this sort of rubbish. I feel like a teeanger but I am getting hale and ancient. When I actually remember how old I am it comes as a shock  to the system like plunging under a very cold shower or the feeling when you wake from a dream and feel completely disoriented. 

My new release “If I Am Spared”  is now live on streaming services

Spotify  https://open.spotify.com/album/7lS2Oxo2CHi06Lg9F0yMOY
Amazon https://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/product/B09B5D4M96/ref=dm_ws_sp_ps_dp
Youtube music  https://youtube.com/playlist?list=OLAK5uy_kSJtNpSm-TblrYvwgB9dU6-sIEyMzE6EM
Apple https://music.apple.com/gb/album/if-i-am-spared/1578105477

And the other place you can google for 🙂