I suppose when you get to a certain age, its very easy to get into the mindset that everything was really much better before and things were more reasonable. Except of course that analysis tends to lead us to quite the opposite conclusion though our romantic notions of a soft focus past are comforting. its human nature to remember the good bits and the other stuff tends to fade away. And often there are very good things to hold on to. What happens when we get the thing we wished for and our dreams become mundane? When there is a limit on how faster,better shinier we can be.
Well I think it’s hitting that limit now for me personally. My mood swings are mostly a thing of the past as are my deep depressions, but there is a lack of colour in everything or has been for the last few months. Is it simply time for a change and if so of what nature? Is it part of the aging process where novelty is hard to come by. For some of us with mental health issues there can be an urge to take part in risky behaviour to feel a little bit more alive, to lift the blanket of stultifying merk that I find myself trying to move through.