I always tried to do no harm. But when I am feeling good it shows somehow and my light comes on and people are drawn to me…
Funny as I am totally a gloom and doom merchant, living a life day to day always expecting deaths boney finger on my shoulder.

The most recent figures on songs of mine played on the that I can verify on Internet streams in the last 10 years is (actually the majority of that is in the last 5/8 years) 289,215 plays as of date of writing this. It really started to take off during lockdown it seems. Its trending upwards. That doesn’t include Delta Ladies tracks as I can’t get the metrics for those. So it’s not all just blasting into the void unheard. I wonder if can get to a million streams if I am spared.

Factually yes its pretty good going and not to be sneezed at its true. On a bad day looking at it I don’t feel quite so useless for a while. But cliche or no I do feel “not enough” or an underachiever often enough. I am getting a lot of my usual pains again in the morning. Its fairly typical with my flavour of ankylosing spondylitis. Its not just a back ache as related pains radiate to very odd parts of the body. So yesterday I started proper exercises again. Its lightly it will make me hurt a bit more for a while at first. A lot of the reason the pain travels seems to be tight fascia as movement makes it go 🚶‍♀️ But keeping active once its late Autumn to Winter takes a little effort. My gigs were almost like doing physio on one level in the old days. No wonder things have got worse. I suspect its not just aging though that’s a big deal. It’s 6 years since I have been working full on gigwise.

A friend asked recently “How do you keep cucumbers from going horrible in the fridge?” Sadly this is beyond my paygrade. I do however send hopes and prayers.

In other news:


After six months of confusion and delay, the EHRC has taken down interim guidance rushed out in April. But the damage has already been done. S The Equality and Human Rights Commission (EHRC) has taken down its controversial interim guidance, which was rushed out in April, days after the Supreme Court’s decision on the meaning of “sex” under the Equality Act 2010. The guidance, which faces an ongoing legal challenge from Good Law Project, told employers and service providers that they must exclude trans people from accessing gendered spaces and services, such as toilets. A number of employers and service providers have already implemented this interim guidance, with a devastating impact on trans people.

These actions may be against the law.

Help us challenge the Supreme Court’s judgment on trans rights Chip in After six months of delay, the EHRC has now withdrawn its interim guidance, telling employers and service providers that, until a new code of practice is in place, they must take specialist legal advice that reflects their particular situation. Good Law Project is supporting a number of trans and intersex individuals who have been affected by the interim guidance, including three claimants in our case against the EHRC, which will be heard in November. For Good Law Project’s executive director, Jo Maugham, the commission’s decision to remove the interim guidance comes far too late. “I’ve spent six months talking to trans people who are afraid to go out because of the climate of fear the EHRC’s interim guidance created,” Maugham said. “Some are suicidal – and I am aware of people who have sought to take their own lives. The EHRC has finally taken it down – and my question to them is: if the High Court finds the guidance unlawful, will you apologise to those whose lives you have so profoundly harmed?” According to Good Law Project trans rights lead, Jess O’Thomson, the guidance hasn’t only had a “devastating impact on trans people’s lives”, but may also have encouraged organisations to act unlawfully. “Now the guidance has been withdrawn,” O’Thomson said, “so should the exclusionary policies that organisations rashly implemented in its aftermath. If not, they could find themselves in hot water.” Good Law Project’s challenge to the interim guidance will begin at the High Court on 12 November 2025. https://goodlawproject.org/ehrc-withdraws-interim-guidance-encouraging-trans-exclusion/

goodlawproject.org

I would hope for a victory for common sense and reasonableness but I am not holding my breath.

Plodding on boldly perhaps would be the correct description on this dull old day.
I have been recording a new track but it has a rude word in the lyrics. I have decided to re-record the vocal though I don’t think it notices much. I only included it because it rhymed but on reflection it has to go I think. Silly me. Today was going well then suddenly a panic attack. I haven’t had one for a while but woosh there it is. I replaced the rude words in my song with some new lyrics and have sent it abroad on the internet to try and find its fame and fortune. Here is that song.

I seem to have a new voice to add to my repertoire. I used to be able to sing in a high range and its come back out of nowhere seemingly. I shall work on that a bit I think. I managed to use that voice on a track a few months back that I recorded that had a lot of plays. I think I may have found my secret weapon. I will try and see if I can extend the top end reliably with a few exercises. I am slightly annoyed to have screwed up my budget this month. Mostly as I should have paid for my car on my credit card, not from my bank account. Whoops. It’s not a major problem though if I wait a week or so I won’t need to pick sailors on shore leave or anything. I am a bit out of practice with that sort of thing 😂

I had my 6 monthly check this morning, All Ok, just a polish. Thank heavens for electric toothbrushes. I always hate going to the dentists due to childhood associations as I had very bad teeth and had to have about 6 teeth out with gas at a dental hospital. Took 3 of them to get me in the chair even with pre-meds. My Dentists is in Midland road (for those that know Bedford), a bit run down and much like my old home in Brixton so it feels comfortable to me.

At the time of writing I have had a bit of a dip. Perhaps it is just the change of the seasons? Light levels do affect my mood quite a bit I find.

I hope that the there can be a lasting peace between Israel and Palestine: 

Isaiah 43:2: “When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you; when you walk through fire you shall not be burned, and the flame shall not consume you.”

Matthew 11:28-30: “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”

Well against all the laws of probability my car passed the MOT test. Did not see that coming so I have had my car nearly 10 years now, but as I only gig infrequently these days its in semi-retirement. More and more I want to retreat from everything and be a recluse apart from gigs right now. A musical friend had a heart attack recently, he is OK though. He also has had MS for years. Managed to teach himself to play guitar again after he got MS after being told he wouldn’t be able to. Knowing him he will be back out and gigging again.

I have found myself being brutally honest with people a lot in the last couple of years, though I do try to avoid upsetting people. It hasn’t helped me much but I sort of know who I am now. That means I know my limits but also what I can do. I have never been about theory in the academic sense I am much more ‘Do stuff and sometimes figure it out later’ I feel very little guilt or shame about stuff I have or haven’t done any more. I hope I haven’t caused any unnecessary harm but nobody’s perfect? I have about as much as I can cope with really. I don’t dream of lost empires any more and I realise something’s that I do may well be nugatory exercises. But in the other hand little victory’s are all the sweeter for that.

In life life it’s often the case to never say never. Most of my life has worked in ways that mean I have done things I thought were impossible or that I absolutely thought I never would or should have. But I am from a different planet. Remember, the rule with me is absolutely ‘Don’t do what I do, and definitely don’t do what I say’ as that will get you into trouble. To be honest I pretty much do live the life I want within reason. Our home is private enough but not remote or secluded. Whilst I miss the regular gigs, I still get to play a few gigs and do creative stuff and am not starving. When I am not in too much pain or having a depressive episode its mostly good. And its confirmed now my LP will be available from 31/10/2025. I do wonder if I will be able to con anybody into buying it though? It does seem creatively I do rather more than many of my contemporaries. I do seem to have calmed down a bit over the last few months too. On good days is life is fair to middling.What I need more of is company and now that seems to be happening a little more and I am no longer feeling quite so isolated. Still got my demons of course but they are very familiar ones now. But what seems to have changed for me is that I do seem to be finding it much easier to talk to people that I used too, to a degree. If I can keep the melancholy at bay its OK…