Plodding on boldly perhaps would be the correct description on this dull old day.
I have been recording a new track but it has a rude word in the lyrics. I have decided to re-record the vocal though I don’t think it notices much. I only included it because it rhymed but on reflection it has to go I think. Silly me. Today was going well then suddenly a panic attack. I haven’t had one for a while but woosh there it is. I replaced the rude words in my song with some new lyrics and have sent it abroad on the internet to try and find its fame and fortune. Here is that song.

I seem to have a new voice to add to my repertoire. I used to be able to sing in a high range and its come back out of nowhere seemingly. I shall work on that a bit I think. I managed to use that voice on a track a few months back that I recorded that had a lot of plays. I think I may have found my secret weapon. I will try and see if I can extend the top end reliably with a few exercises. I am slightly annoyed to have screwed up my budget this month. Mostly as I should have paid for my car on my credit card, not from my bank account. Whoops. It’s not a major problem though if I wait a week or so I won’t need to pick sailors on shore leave or anything. I am a bit out of practice with that sort of thing 😂

I had my 6 monthly check this morning, All Ok, just a polish. Thank heavens for electric toothbrushes. I always hate going to the dentists due to childhood associations as I had very bad teeth and had to have about 6 teeth out with gas at a dental hospital. Took 3 of them to get me in the chair even with pre-meds. My Dentists is in Midland road (for those that know Bedford), a bit run down and much like my old home in Brixton so it feels comfortable to me.

At the time of writing I have had a bit of a dip. Perhaps it is just the change of the seasons? Light levels do affect my mood quite a bit I find.

I hope that the there can be a lasting peace between Israel and Palestine: 

Isaiah 43:2: “When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you; when you walk through fire you shall not be burned, and the flame shall not consume you.”

Matthew 11:28-30: “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”

Well against all the laws of probability my car passed the MOT test. Did not see that coming so I have had my car nearly 10 years now, but as I only gig infrequently these days its in semi-retirement. More and more I want to retreat from everything and be a recluse apart from gigs right now. A musical friend had a heart attack recently, he is OK though. He also has had MS for years. Managed to teach himself to play guitar again after he got MS after being told he wouldn’t be able to. Knowing him he will be back out and gigging again.

I have found myself being brutally honest with people a lot in the last couple of years, though I do try to avoid upsetting people. It hasn’t helped me much but I sort of know who I am now. That means I know my limits but also what I can do. I have never been about theory in the academic sense I am much more ‘Do stuff and sometimes figure it out later’ I feel very little guilt or shame about stuff I have or haven’t done any more. I hope I haven’t caused any unnecessary harm but nobody’s perfect? I have about as much as I can cope with really. I don’t dream of lost empires any more and I realise something’s that I do may well be nugatory exercises. But in the other hand little victory’s are all the sweeter for that.

In life life it’s often the case to never say never. Most of my life has worked in ways that mean I have done things I thought were impossible or that I absolutely thought I never would or should have. But I am from a different planet. Remember, the rule with me is absolutely ‘Don’t do what I do, and definitely don’t do what I say’ as that will get you into trouble. To be honest I pretty much do live the life I want within reason. Our home is private enough but not remote or secluded. Whilst I miss the regular gigs, I still get to play a few gigs and do creative stuff and am not starving. When I am not in too much pain or having a depressive episode its mostly good. And its confirmed now my LP will be available from 31/10/2025. I do wonder if I will be able to con anybody into buying it though? It does seem creatively I do rather more than many of my contemporaries. I do seem to have calmed down a bit over the last few months too. On good days is life is fair to middling.What I need more of is company and now that seems to be happening a little more and I am no longer feeling quite so isolated. Still got my demons of course but they are very familiar ones now. But what seems to have changed for me is that I do seem to be finding it much easier to talk to people that I used too, to a degree. If I can keep the melancholy at bay its OK…

Digital ID. Nope not a fan at all. In the present populist political climate I am not comfortable with this personally. I have a passport and a driving licence and that should be sufficient. If id cards are used for routine checks I believe that there is a huge risk of unscrupulous behaviour in government or misuse of information. With recent rhetoric and in particular the labour gov stifling debate generally among its own MPs my level of trust is marginal.This at least forces a proper debate on the matter. And undocumented people won’t have them anyway so it seems a bit pointless. If you are self-employed will you have to ID yourself to work?

A few projects are ticking along nicely, but I am behind with a few practical matters that must be dealt with. Today as I write this I am feeling a little bit off. Sometimes the world is just a difficult place to navigate.

Hopefully my LP will pass all its checks. Its due for release at Halloween though it’s not really at all spooky in my opinion.

I am a bit achy and tired. I played a gig with the Sonic Boomers at Sandy last night. Good fun and a decent stage too. Situation normal really. Funny dream. I had a long chat with HM Liz 11. She was making jokes and did a couple of funny impersonations. We were in a run down canteen/OAP lounge or similar. No idea where that one came from. Not being remotely a royalist that is kind of strange.