Category Archives: Musings

More October 2020

Delta Ladies, Diana Stones Songs, Musings

Its turning into a long month.  Covids on the rise according to the latest stats.  Its  a Saturday and I am watching “The Big Bang Theory” on the box. I do enjoy the show but Its really not my ideal Saturday night to be honest. I hope at least a few of you have better things to do with your time. I think the weekends are more difficult in some respects for me personally as there is no differentiation between those and any other days of the week. So I am typing this as a sort of therapy I guess. Also as a break from various musical doings that are filling most of my time now as I feel as if I am stuck in a perpetual groundhog day loop now.  I know a few people are lucky enough to be out getting the odd gig or two, and that’s great.  However Covid or no Covid my attempt to keep the “Delta ladies” going wasn’t really working and in a sense recent events have made it obvious that its really not going to.  So that’s a chapter thats over now. But I gave it my best shot under the circumstances. It was though 14 years of my life and around 130 gigs a year on average. And that ended pretty much with Vicky Martins passing in April 2019. I  played a few gigs afterwards but then Covid-19 finished things for good pretty much. Anything I do in future has to be different, but its like starting from scratch and I dont think I have it in me as you need a particular sort of personality to front a show, and it seems that is not really me right now at least. Of course it may be there isn’t actually much of a future any and that’s that?

I will try to keep making music of course as there is not much else I could do really.

In other news.
I woke up last night with a pain like something had snapped, I had to lie on my side. Fortunately it went away. I think the culprit maybe the new upper back exercises I am doing. So more caution is advised.
All my exercises are basically to make sure I stay as mobile as possible. The upper back is lightly to cause some discomfort as specific muscles will be stretching out of there usually postions. Its hitting the point where there is resistance but not strain that is the difficult bit. It seems to benefit my ability to sit and type more easily and also sit in a much bette posture with out leaning forward. that could be a big deal if I can keep it up as it would allow me to do more useful computer based stuff and might even allow me to get a bit of an extra income from IT again. If I can just sit down for 2 hours a day in front of a compute there is work that I could potentially do that would benefit me. Also the upper back and violin playing are inextricably linked and the better the shoulders and upper back are in terms of freedom of movement the easier it is and the better it sounds.

 

its along road…..

 
 

 

 

 

Lockdown the Movie

Musings

Wow this is really weird.I am totally losing it now to be honest. Each day is blurring into the next now. I am sure it’s exactly the same for many others now of course. I have been working on various projects and find now that staying focused has become increasingly difficult for me.  I have had anxiety attacks which I though were a thing of the past but I seem to have come back with  a vengeance. I also feel really useless in almost every respect at present. I read the news and everything looks pretty grim again. Staying positive might work for  the Trumpster, but it’s very difficult for the rest of us who are not on a “mission from god” or whatever. 
Soon we will be looking winter in the face again.

Here’s  a song. Surprise, surprise.

Anyway there’s nearly always more. But should there be? That’s is the question.
Nobler to keep bashing your head against the wall perhaps?. OK maybe I got that bit wrong. Staying sane, is that working for you. For me not so much I would have to say.
After a frustrating day what better thing to do than meet friends for a swift half or two. Not now, not ever it feels like? 

Dont even think about it? 

 

 

 

 

 

Thoughts for this day

Musings

 What do you actually want and do you think you will be happy when you get it?
Only joking.

Not be able to see people that I know added the fact that its possible some wont be around by the time we get out of current restrictions is a major downer to be honest.

I think that for me, its a an acute sense of loss that I will not be able to break away from from until such time as we all get properly out of jail and that’s going to be a while. I am trying to cultivate any possible social and musical green shoots, but even with all technology available to help stay connected its very hard going.

Today has been very hard. I think there is something missing in my in my head at a certain level. I just cant live the way I used to My days at home are often a bit grim now. I have and am trying to crack on with stuff but there is an over whelming feeling of it all being a waste of time and pointless. That is depression pure and simple. Today was almost a not getting out of bed day, but I did manage to pull it together just about. Perhaps I need some drugs. (The prescribed sort?)

I have been practicing sight reading on piano and also writing down a few musical ideas. Also a I have been doing a  little production work on collaborative project. But by evening my mood has tanked again. There has to be more.