Monthly Archives: August 2024

Too Hot To Tango

Musings

Lets all eat frozen mango, but seriously what. It’s still hard going at present. Help.

Just before going to bed I tried for the 3rd time to see if I could spot a meteor. I sat down on the balcony mostly to cool off. Then as if by magic a really bright one went by almost horizontally and exploded in a bright flash. I can’t tell you all how pleased this made me feel that I have finally managed to see one. We also have had the Aurora which I may have seen a faint glimpse of though it could just be my dodgy ageing eyes. When its really hot keeping up with exercise to stop my body seizing up to much is also a bit of chore. And we stil have a very high pollen count as well.

This week it’s mostly practicing learning new band material. As i write it’s over cast and dull after several days of very hot and very bright sunshine. The temperature has gone from 33C to 21C in a day. I am very glad it is cooler but brighter would be nice though.

Today’s record in a day proggy effort. Keys and guitars. recorded in about 2 hours/ It’s just a bit of fun and very derivative.

My tempers still a bit short too.

The Thin Veneer Is Starting To Crack

Delta Ladies, Diana Stones Songs, glass cage, Musings, whatever

My mental health is playing up and pushing me off balance slightly again. Whoops.
A bit of a polish and buff up wont cover it this time. Ho hum. But we do what we can whilst we can. Or at least we try. At times I do think should I consider going back on to medications again, but I don’t think it would be any better as the medications really do numb everything. They are great in a crisis, and I was on them for several fairly long periods of time.Now though I am not sure. If I got to the point where I was not functioning well I would jump back on the train though I think. Writing it down makes it easier to deal with it as it puts me at one remove from myself almost. I am easily triggered at times though. Lived experience made me what I am, and that cannot be undone. I wonder how people with very severe trauma manage, but of course the answer is actually that often they simply don’t.

A friend in a band that I built a website for many years ago got in touch as he has a tech problem he needs fixing. He has just played his first gig at Cambridge Rock Festival after a year off due to recurring illness as he has MS and and also a serious back injury. I said I was glad he was gigging again and he replied:”The gig nearly killed me, but better to die with your boots on so to speak”. That’s my tribe.

Its the weekend as I write this and hopefully things will remain quiet after the disturbances last week. It’s been very disturbing for everyone. What happens next in British society is paramount. We have the opportunity to reboot the narrative now. There was a genuine grassroots demonstration of a feeling of solidarity and an outburst of common sense which may well have defused what could have been so much worse. But it is a little bit back to the future and somebody my age has seen it all before. So my faith in humanity is now slightly restored.

I did try to see the Perseids but sadly there was too much cloud cover here as is often the case. Still they will be around until the end of the month so there is a chance. Each night I try and look.

I have had a few distractions that have stopped me from making the best use of the last few days though. Family and other misunderstandings.

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Diana Stones Songs, glass cage, music, Musings, whatever

The stuff of nightmares, some of them. This weeks been the worst. Who can you trust anymore? This week I have had a bit more of a fight that usual with depression again. Its crept up on me. Depression is a sly creature and changes its form in subtle ways so that when you think you have a defense or mitigation strategy it turns into something completely different the moment your drop your guard and suddenly there it is again.

A mixed sort of day. Got the Boiler serviced and it’s fine, and no that’s not a euphemism 🙂

I had a disappointment that is causing me to think I need to look at my present commitments as life is getting very frustrating at present as stuff is just not working out. I may have put too many eggs in one basket on reflection. A lot of things I have put energy into seem to actually be withering on the vine.

Also am quite worried about the possibility of rioting later today, not very far down the road from us. I do hope that it won’t happen but there is a lot of concern in the community and the town. I was in Bedford this morning and it is business as usual at present though. Hopefully it will stay that way.

In other news, potentially another project is likely to go tits up soon it seems. I do hope not though. Hopefully a mitigation has been found.



 Picture jane evans photography