Category Archives: whatever

Stuf that I can’t fit anywhere else…

Friday Thoughts Mid July

Diana Stones Songs, glass cage, music, Musings, whatever

Friday again and that came around very quickly. The usual routine,record practice and writing. And exercise of course. How well its going I am not entirely sure. Some things are improved and others are worse at times. The grand opening up is on monday and I am quite nervous about it to be honest. I would like to be out there and up and and at it but after nearly 18 months of keeping a distance it seems a bit daunting to be mixing with  people very much again. I really have lost track of passing time. I know what day it is but no day feels any different to any other now. My mental health has taken me to a strange place now.  I feel a very strong sense of disassociation now as if I am not really here, or that my life is some how a play that I am observing at close quarters and someone else is acting out my role in the proceedings. It’s a very weird feeling. 
Looking out of my window and its very warm and bright and sunny and the world is turning very slowly.   The end of this month sees a date of some personal significance to me. A milestone though if it is passed means only that the future is unwritten.  

And of course there is a song:

 

 Sometimes words are elusive and catching them before they scamper away is tricky.
It’s odd but when I try to write down the words in my head on paper they often just disappear. It’s more than a little frustrating. I am sure I did not have this problem before. Music pours out (good bad and indifferent) most of the time, but somehow words wait until the very moment you attempt to capture them. Suddenly they run off like squirrels up a tree or voles down a hole. 

“ If people bring so much courage to this world the world has to kill them to break them, so of course it kills them. The world breaks every one and afterward many are strong at the broken places. But those that will not break it kills. It kills the very good and the very gentle and the very brave impartially. If you are none of these you can be sure it will kill you too but there will be no special hurry.”

― Ernest Hemingway, A Farewell to Arms
 

 

 

I was struck philosophical this morning. I thought about my decisions over the last 20 years and on the whole I think they were the right ones. Givinging up the well paid Civil Service Job for full time music and meeting a lot of very interesting people and the fringe benefits was I think a good gamble and not doing that would have been a lot less enjoyable, though they were some bumpy times along the way. Also the fact that my father died at a relatively young age and so had 6 weeks of retirement also informed my decision. I am now just about the same age he was when he died. So for me in a weird way anything beyond this time feels like its a bonus. Also there is no doubt that I am getting more arthritic and regular gigging the way I used to seems unlikely again due to covid, finding co-conspirators mad enough to do it and the physical wear and tear. So doing it when I did seems logical. None of us could have foreseen the current crisis either. So to have got this far is not so bad considering where I started. If there are more fun and frolics to be had I won’t turn then down though.

Notes From Somewhere Near Bedford

Delta Ladies, Diana Stones Songs, glass cage, history, music, Musings, whatever

Diana Stone Glass Cage Music

Slowly but surely stuff is happening.  I won’t jinx anything by saying what yet, but perhaps I am turning a corner creatively. Often ends and beginnings can look very similar at times and this  definitely one or the other but I am  still not entirely clear which.  I am still feeling a bit rough mentally and physically though.  Soon we will get a  further announcement as to what the final stage of government covid  restrictions or lack of same will be. masks seem likely to be made advisory, not mandatory in most situations and presumably restrictions on numbers and distancing will be similar. 
Some are still suffering serious illness though of course.  I am not sure how comfortable I will feel as it will take some adjustments.  Emerging into the wild world is going to be a challenge after 14 months or so due in no small part to my own circumstances having changed so radically too. So I am starting from the ground up again. It may not lead anywhere buy perhaps this time around the journeys the point all though maybe it always was. When you arrive at the destination the only choice is to go home of go somewhere else.  Well this time the destination has to be somewhere else travelling hopefully of course. 

Hear is  a new  song. “Shouldent Ought To Done It”
Well you know….