Category Archives: glass cage

Land of longer daylight

So sunset moves a little later from today.  Its dull here and cloudy and slightly windy so there are not many folk out except for a few dog walkers and the occasional passing EDM bass drum riffing from the passing traffics sound system. So no particular outbreak of sunny up land isums today from the general populace.  Its so dull we wont get much of a sunset either by the look of things. 

Yesterday was spent mostly sketching out musical ideas. So I have the outline for a new number that really ought to be a song sitting on the music stand. Its watching me begging for attention like a friendly dog or unfed cat, but I am ignoring it at present.  I should really make more use of programming drum rhythms as I have the facilities and it does make a more or organic vibe to the tracks. just that little extra thing but seems quite a benefit. Also the sheer mental exercise cant hurt either.  The wind chimes on my balcony came adrift from there moorings  which somewhat broke my revery too.  I had an interesting discussion with a songwriting friend who I have recently been collaborating with via na online live link.  He said  “I write songs, but you make records”. My approach to music is often made with arrangement in mind that would often be difficult to replicate in a live environment with te kind of resources I have. Often what I create tends to sound more and more as though its the sound track from some unmade film. This is not a conscious thing, it’s just the way it manifests itself now frequently. I seem to have mislaid the ability to just write a song by picking up a guitar and bashing out the lyrics. I suppose it’s the way my head works now and a year of virtual isolation has pushed me further in that direction. This may all sound somewhat pretentious but it is not meant to in any way. It’s Just the way I do things now.  In my defense I have been doing it for about 40 years or so. perhaps I am a bit set in my way now.    As I write this I am listen to a few recent tracks playing back at fairly low volume.  That’s usually a good test of how well a track works, if it works at a just above ambient playback level.  At present writing and recording and composing  is about the only thing keeping me sane and frankly it’s getting to be touch and go in recent weeks.  

At the time of writing we are just about to have the first level of opening up of the lockdown for meeting people outside. I don’t think that it will make much difference to me personally yet until its possible to meet people indoors. That will not be until mid May assuming that there are no hiccups. Perhaps then I will be able to think about getting things prepared to a potential return to some sort of live performance again and the opportunity to work face to face with other musicians again.   It will be interesting to see if there is much more in the way of people out and about.  I am guessing here it will not be much different with mums and kids roaming about in the short term.  The promise is that on June 21 we seriously unlock  and I really hope that happens otherwise what is the point of the current vaccination program?  

I have pretty much lost touch with casual acquaintances now apart from a few facebook message. two of my close trusted friends died within the last two years. That’s not helping me with attempts to keep on top of things as I have gotten into a very negative mindset.  I have continued generalized anxiety that will not abate as well.  I have tried everything to sort this out and it seems nothing much helps.
Is there a roadmap for  back to normal. I am not convinced. 

So here is a tune for you all.

 

Marching on

Its now 10 days since my Covid vax jab.  I made a to do list and I have 15 items on it so far and still seem to be finding stuff to add to it.  I am in to my 9th week of extended exercise routine.  Some things are better. For example my posture when playing  violin is  much better which also helps to make tone production much better in terms of effort required. My posture generally is much improved though it will never be right due  to spinal curvature which also causes me quite a bit of pain.   I mostly type standing when using the PC which is also a help in some respects. 

The last 3 months seem to have been much harder to get through though and I don’t really know why. Perhaps mental reserves just run out  after a while if there is no way to recharge them?  Often I spend a good deal of the day standing as I get too uncomfortable sitting for any length of time. That’s fine for recording and playing but for some of the stuff at the PC that I used to do its not practical to work standing so some things have gone by the board now that I would like to have been doing .
That’s really frustrating at times.   
     

here is a track from last year…

Feb 2021 part 2

Thank goodness its warming up a bit finally.  So a chance to take a bit of stroll is now possible in relative comfort again. Today there was a decent amount of winter sunshine and buds are starting on the trees too. So a pleasant reminder of life renewing again for in preparation for spring. I am now on week 5 of my extended exercise routine and I am less anxious so that is  one tangible benefit at least.  its a hard slog at times though as I ma very stiff when i wake up most mornings and it takes a while to get going. It’s different every day of course though. Perhaps I am slightly less depressed now, but feeling well enough to  just to be getting a tiny bit bored.  I need to start my clearing out process now too.  Perhaps those many cardboard boxes can be flattened out now? 

What do people talk about at the moment?  “Hello, just ringing to say I didn’t go out again today”.  It’s weird.   Its also tiring too. We are all trying of course to add a bit of meaning to the days.  I am setting  myself a few challenges musically and in a couple of other areas too. Hopefully I can hang on to some degree of sanity that way.   The virtual world is a thin substitute for normal interactions. We are all in our bubbles for so  much of the time now. Too much time to think?  Maybe. 

Currently I can indulge myself with reruns of my favorite sci-fi series at least.  Its a welcome relief from present reality like pizza and beer when appropriate.  Or wine of course, Its all cool. Sort off. 

So if we all get through this I have got to try and lean to win friends and influence people. Only joking, sort of.  Hello rest of the world I am still here I think.   Most days start well enough but the limited amount of umph soon runs out I am saddened to say. The call of the duvet is strong at present. Winter evenings should have the option of going for a swift half at least.  So another grand night in again.

To me, fair friend, you never can be old

— SONNET 104, LINE 1

But where there is true friendship, there needs none

— TIMON OF ATHENS, ACT 1 SCENE 2, LINE 17; TIMON