Wow this is really weird.I am totally losing it now to be honest. Each day is blurring into the next now. I am sure it’s exactly the same for many others now of course. I have been working on various projects and find now that staying focused has become increasingly difficult for me.  I have had anxiety attacks which I though were a thing of the past but I seem to have come back with  a vengeance. I also feel really useless in almost every respect at present. I read the news and everything looks pretty grim again. Staying positive might work for  the Trumpster, but it’s very difficult for the rest of us who are not on a “mission from god” or whatever. 
Soon we will be looking winter in the face again.

Here’s  a song. Surprise, surprise.

Anyway there’s nearly always more. But should there be? That’s is the question.
Nobler to keep bashing your head against the wall perhaps?. OK maybe I got that bit wrong. Staying sane, is that working for you. For me not so much I would have to say.
After a frustrating day what better thing to do than meet friends for a swift half or two. Not now, not ever it feels like? 

Dont even think about it? 

 What do you actually want and do you think you will be happy when you get it?
Only joking.

Not be able to see people that I know added the fact that its possible some wont be around by the time we get out of current restrictions is a major downer to be honest.

I think that for me, its a an acute sense of loss that I will not be able to break away from from until such time as we all get properly out of jail and that’s going to be a while. I am trying to cultivate any possible social and musical green shoots, but even with all technology available to help stay connected its very hard going.

Today has been very hard. I think there is something missing in my in my head at a certain level. I just cant live the way I used to My days at home are often a bit grim now. I have and am trying to crack on with stuff but there is an over whelming feeling of it all being a waste of time and pointless. That is depression pure and simple. Today was almost a not getting out of bed day, but I did manage to pull it together just about. Perhaps I need some drugs. (The prescribed sort?)

I have been practicing sight reading on piano and also writing down a few musical ideas. Also a I have been doing a  little production work on collaborative project. But by evening my mood has tanked again. There has to be more.

Things are not looking much better at the moment sadly. on a personal level and only the passage of time will tell if there is much of a future.
So here is another shorter musical offering recorded at the end of September.  Its a piano and violin duet. 

The notion that we can all turn our hand to anything is not IMO correct Its worth I think though reflecting the fact that there are many who have done quite a bit careerwise but now find that they have arrived at a point where they are pretty much unemployable simply because of age or simply who and what they are let alone those with some disabilities.

Over the years I was first trained as a Cinema projectionist, worked in warehouses, worked in Wardour street at film a Sound production house and then a recording studio. Spent a few years as a driver. I also worked in personel, became a computer programer did project management, conference planning and a load of other stuff. Now at the age of 63 I am pretty much on the scrap heap as although I have skills having mostly got my income from live music for the past 15 years my very long CV is pretty meaningless now to the outside world.
I do wonder what kind of world we are going to be in soon.