Yep,  it’s been one of those weeks. My car is making weird noises and I need to get it sorted soon. I discover I have a broken crown when I go to the dentist(which I hate). My motivation is sadly lacking and the last tune I was working on ground to a halt.
Prince dying was a real downer too of course. I was not a massive fan, perhaps because there is not enough time to listen to everything that’s out there, so I may have missed out. On the plus side I had a really good gig with the Delta Ladies last night down in Dorking that was a very  pleasant surprise. Tomorrow night  I am playing at  the Mitre in Barnet which is a very good pub,  but sadly a long way from Battersea so I can’t drop in as often as I would like.  That should be fun. I wish the weather would get its act together though, as I could do with a bit of the warm stuff. I do tend to veer between getting bogged down in gloom and floating along thinking everything is cool, so I am in an odd space at present.

I do suffer from a constant anxiety and I am also a raving hypochondriac. When I was younger I had dread full panic attacks, often waking in the middle of the night. As years have gone by I have graduated towards a general low level existential angst.  Thats where my heads at now. I don’t want feel I  live in a world that feels as those the bad guys are mostly winning but that is how it feels now.  I also have a lot of guilt about being me and living in a world that I feel I am somewhat of an outsider in.

Once upon a time in Scarborough. perhaps this is why I have never been back lol.

Thanks to Helen for preserving this on video from 2002. 14 years ago. Its not that bad. I have never managed to get a decent version of this song on disc yet. may be I should revisit it.

Last sunday I played at Rye Wax (in Peckham), which is a Record shop and sells those funny things with a hole in the middle that make noises. It was rather fun. its possibly one of the hippest places i have been seen in so far.  A darkish basement with a bar and a record store and food, and lots of very nice people.
So I am a hipster now init.

Indeed. Today I have been aching a bit. That  happens as time passes.  Played a gig a venerable old school south London boozer last night. That was OK though not the most mind blowing gig ever, but folks seem to be enjoying it.  I am  always fascinated watching the punters as I am a late comer to pub culture, never really  having had a local.  The loud voices and animated discussions and that the fact that private conversations become public performances like theatre.  The band watching the punters watching the band.I now realise how insular my upbringing was, with the benefit of hindsight. My father did not drink and rather frowned on the notion of that sort of thing. I did drink a bit as a teanager but later on not at all for years.   Many  years later when I got a bit low I developed a taste for Carlsberg special. This was a reasonable substitute for antidepressants which later became a part of my life for ten years.   Its a killer when your a bit reserved, and shy.  I still am all those years later. You have to play the hand your dealt eventually I suppose, andI there’s not much that’s going to change now.  Except perhaps that you stop beating yourself up about it.

I like real ale these days, but I am a moderate drinker. I am not seeking perfection anymore though 😉
One thing that cheers me quite a bit is the reappearance of pianos in some pubs now, which is wonderful.  Let’s have more of that sort of thing please.