I had a good night out on Friday and I should be feeling chilled and relaxed, but I am totally wound up and very jumpy.
Its like I have my own personal demon just throwing me often balance when I think I have got it all together.
Whats it like not to jump at your own shadow? I wish I knew and I wish someone else could actually know what it is I am talking about, but it will make no sense to them. I do feel that as the days go by I am losing it more and more day by day.
Whats lurking in the shadows? I don’t know, but I feel like there is something chasing me…
Category Archives: Bi-polar
April 2011
Well its been a funny old year so far, I have to say. It got off to quite a shaky start one way and another but I am feeling a bit more positive about stuff now. Hooray. I have been doing a lot of musical woodshedding particularly on the Piano to delve in to pastures new, but I have been avoiding writing anything new for the moment as I am some what direction less musically right now.
We have had quite a few well received Delta Ladies and Elephant Shelf gigs so far which is very gratifying too. Money wise there is just about enough on tick over to keep rolling too for the moment but long term solutions are still needed. What these are remains to be seen! It often seems the case that what ever I get involved its one step forward and two back again. I still don’t react well under stress so I try to organize my life to avoid unnecessary tension. It doesn’t take to much to set me off even at the best of times, but I don’t want to medicate myself out of consciousness either. I have a good bunch of supportive friends but they are also people that I work with so again life can get a little awkward. One of the big problems is that I need space to do my own thing with out distraction, but I can get quite morose when left on my own. I do have to be a little careful as if I get two excited or enthusiastic if can often swing into mania eventually. Thats quite difficult to explain to people as they don’t really know what mania is.
Both my parents suffered from extremes of mood, so its not that surprising that I seem to be similarly afflicted. The worst aspect of this is that there are times when I can’t concentrate on anything which makes me worst than useless. I seem to have been getting towards that state recently rather too often lately.
Still very tense
Its been a very tiring week and I am running on empty to a certain extent. I have a couple of gigs this weekend which I need to do but it will be a strain. Just have to grin and bare it I suppose. Usually this time of year around my birthday is the worst for me and I really could do with some rest now and not being over stimulated.
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