Yep, it would seem that I am complete out of touch and yet all my crusty and ancient mates seem to think they same way as me with regard to most subjects. So many people seem to think that everything is a race to be won or lost and that just over the horizon there is the crock of gold at the end of the rainbow. I think they may have been misinformed. That sort of thinking may cause you to miss an awful lot of the good lot of the good stuff along the way.

For me everything is a perpetual effort to do what I do just a little bit better and it takes more and more effort just to move forward an inch or so. But not bothering is really not an option at all and still on the worst days is a real effort to do anything with a backdrop of depression that it would be easy sink back into again. The reality is we do what we do, and then like the song says “you go back Jack, do it again, wheel turning round & round” because the alternative doesn’t bare thinking about.

I do feel like an alien creature stranded in a strange land with odd unfathomable customs half the time,more and more I realise its not the place that’s changed its me. Like many others I have spent a fair portion of my adult life being told what to do and when to do it, but when those certainty’s and patterns dissolve what are we left with?

I am feeling really old right now.