Today I was at Jon’s in Chesham rehearsing for our next Invisibles gigs. It went fairly well. Plenty of traffic on the M1 as usual but no holdups. I have managed to climb a few personal Everests and K2s one might say over the years. Its a good feeling but where does one go next? And as the Rolling Stones song goes, “You cant always get what you want, but sometimes you get what you need” . I had a critical listen to a few of my more recent released tracks. They do stand up quite well in most respects musically and in terms of production. Surprisingly so to be honest. There is an element of The Wizard of Oz to this. It seems much more than the some of its parts but its just me behind the curtain working the puppets. That’s show biz though. Judging by the posts of some of my contemporary’s in my peer group I do wonder if some are actually going senile at times. I have just unfollowed yet another musician who has posted a bible quote under an AI picture of a crusader just off on his way to kill the to brown people that book says aforesaid profit was born among.

Make it stop please.

Here is a song for you, and you and you.

I have hit the buffers I think. The tiredness I experience now more often and in part that may well be due to the arthritis getting worse when its bad. I don’t have trouble doing stuff generally, playing gigs and what not. So it may be in part depression at present. I do buck up when I have something that occupies my mind. I don’t seem to have anxiety manifesting as panic attacks anything like as often as I used to, but this seems allied being in a much less energetic state. Its like I am running at much lower revs now. That should be a good thing. I also think my state of mind is due to the news and and other stuff that I cant affect too. I am getting close to being 5 years older than my dad was now when he died. Maybe I am just thinking too much? Compared to many older folk my life is not too bad over all. I shouldn’t be getting so down about stuff but it is mental health issue of course. I am feeling very introspective at present. I have come along way in many respects which is good, but I do feel a little bit of the old “Is that all there is” First world problems I guess really? A Neckache this morning. Ouch. So best laid plans and all that. Neck pain is related to my back issues and so not lightly to change much. Much as I would like to I don’t think I can make my world much bigger at present. I spent about half of yesterday working on music. Then just fell in to the usual gloom. Before bed I watched a recent (2024 ) low budget Indy sci-fi comedy film though on Amazon which I really enjoyed though. Cast of 4 people basically and shot in the desert. Probably filmed on a couple of iPhone’s and a tripod but cool vibe and fun.

When I have a set back or a problem to often I have to remind myself that 99% of the time its not a conspiracy or plot or personal attack on me. That’s my inheritance from school, growing up and teenage years. Its programmed in on a very deep level. I deal with it better now but at bad times it will still rear up again to confront me. How does one fight phantoms and ghosts? This year has been hard for me so far as things just seem to have stalled again. I think in part its the fact so many (live) music projects have been dead ends really. I did turn up a bit of interesting health related info. Apparently a pot belly can be caused by cortisol (lack of sleep and stress). My beer belly has got bigger since I stopped regularly drinking real ale bizarrely. I rarely have beer now. I am not over eating or drinking much either. That might make sense.

I really did hope I would be able to build on my reputation with the Delta Ladies and ES and go on pastures new after Vicky’s death but the pandemic put the breaks on that. Plus both my mental and physical health suffered too. Despite trying there was no way to get back on the bus. Yes I am still at it at least doing a bit but it stings. So I understand the sense of loss and regret well enough and failure. To me the fact that I couldn’t find somebody to really work with feels like a failure on my part, but its also because of age. People I could have worked with have gone into pipe and slippers mode and younger people are not likely to be interested. So yes I have done stuff but I feel a huge sense of loss and that hurts. The difference is that although I did make a few mistakes it wasn’t all on me. Not much to be said really. One particular thing is different though, the years of bullying and put downs have created an attitude in me that I have been used to dodging the slings and arrows of outrageous do dah and so expect problems and obstacles/roadblocks.

Yes, indeed it does. The clocks are on BST again now at least though it is a tad gloomy out there for spring me thinks.
The world is still very much in chaos as I write. And it seems now run by morons and or psychopaths or both in a weird symbiotic relationship. Its a little concerning to put it mildly. I am hoping that spring kicking in will make me feel a bit better. Looks like the band and trio will keep going. I am mostly mildly anxious at times. Not so panicky generally over all. Still looking for assassins in the shadows subconsciously of course. Cant be helped. Creatively things continue to pop up like mushrooms. I feel mildly depressed, but I feel its reactive. The wars, the anti-trans rhetoric, my ageing body, all that stuff. I feel old to be honest. And it is rather tiring. I have scored another own goal exercise wise. Trying to get my core muscles sorted out has a caused a problem due to holding my stomach in unconsciously so my abdominal muscles are not doing quite what they should. It may well be a lot to do with how I have been sitting as well.

I am too old to audition these days. Seriously. I am hiding away a lot at present I feel. I start the day with good intentions that I will do something different but I don’t which has been todays experience again.

I am going to be rehearsing with this lot a again soon.
https://invisiblefolk.com/invisible-folk-club-band.

This is who chat GPT thinks I am. Its not bad but not quite up to date.

Diana Stone, an independent London-based musician rather than a mainstream chart artist.

Here’s a clear overview of her music 👇

🎵 Who she is

• A multi-instrumentalist and composer based in London
• Plays piano, violin (fiddle), guitar, accordion, and keyboards (Diana Stone)
• Performs both solo work and was part of the bands Elephant Shelf & The Delta Ladies
  also Jon Bickley and The Invisible Folk Club Band
  

🎶 Musical style

Her music isn’t tied to just one genre—it’s quite eclectic:

• Roots / Americana / blues
• Jazz and classical influences
• Rock and pop elements
• Often blends acoustic and electric sounds

With The Delta Ladies, the sound leans toward:

• New Orleans rhythm & blues
• Swing and rock & roll
• Bluegrass and folk traditions (deltaladies.com)

🎼 Her own compositions

On her solo releases (like those on Bandcamp), she creates original pieces such as:

• Light of a 1000 Stars
• Hard Walk Into Sunlight
• Monotony Calling

These tracks suggest a style that’s:

• Atmospheric and experimental at times
• Mixing instrumental work with songwriting
• Influenced by multiple genres rather than commercial pop

🎤 Live performance

• Regularly performs in the UK and France
• Plays in different setups: duo, trio, or full band
• Known for multi-instrument live sets, which gives her performances a varied, dynamic feel

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✅ In short: Diana Stone is an independent, genre-blending musician with strong roots in folk, blues, and Americana, combined with classical and experimental influences. She’s more of a live and niche artist than a mainstream chart figure.

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The latest middle east conflict is showing no signs of calming down yet. Who knows where that will lead?
Its very unsettling. The thing is I feel better mentally not chasing stuff. I will let the live music opportunity’s come to me at least for the moment. Not being able to get gigs was actually making me feel worse about things. I do use social media a lot: 1# to promote my musical doings 2# to help support and encourage with their own artistic efforts 3# to share things I thing need making public. I don’t debate or discuss much though. Mostly as there is no point in for example pointing out the absolute rubbish about invasions of migrants to those that believe it. A lot of the punk rock generation are the worse right wing haters and agitators’ You cant get through to them any more than you can get through to Gender Critical types who have among other things managed to decimate the women’s institute and guides as a side effect. Trumps latest non-conversation with Iran makes one wonder how many non-conversations have been had with Russia over Ukraine of course.

Don’t get too wrapped up in dreams and illusions. Memories and shades passing clouds that fade in dusk and take that lingering pearlescence and cinemascope sunset just before the end credits starts to roll. It may comfort you for a moment but it can also trap and leave you lost and far behind. Don’t loose your fellow travellers if you can. You will never catch them up and there’s never anyway to make up lost time. You can stand on any hilltop, but you will never see where is end of the line…

Terry McInerny played drums for many years with Elephant Shelf and briefly the Delta Ladies too and has now moved on down the line along with Vicky Martin and Robbie Charles. So not too many of us left now from that band. Funny how time slips away.
Today I am using a solid electric guitar I brought from Vicky a few years back on a recording. Its got a bit crackly so it had to have liberal application of switch cleaner, but that seems to have done the trick.

I am feeling very tired still. Lets hope its just the weather, but maybe not of course. I am a bit grumpy today. Mostly about what I see as hypocrisy in so many places. I discovered today what a Femme Boy is. I had heard this term a lot. Apparently young often very pretty but don’t identify as Trans or TS but just look very girly. So part of the LGBTQ+ soup though.

An observation: In the last few days I recorded a song. It took a lot of work and by the time I got around to doing the final mix I thought it was really not good at all. However I put on online in the usual places and listened again and thought maybe its not so bad after all. And having done so people are playing it a fair bit. It is the case I think that particularly in anything one creates, Music, Art or Writing that one may well be so wrapped up in the process that it becomes just a collection of parts. So one might judge that it is well made but see no particular merit or spark in it. Leaving it to one side and revisiting later it may well bring to a different viewpoint. Yesterday was a day when I did very little by my standards but often an off day is useful.

I got the best spam message ever the other day:

“Illuminati invitation: Based on the membership criterion of the Illuminati, We find you to be of a great interest in possession of a good mastery of manual dexterity and academic proficiency. With this, we look at you as the class that will be the platform for which you stand to meet the wealthy people who can raise you to wealth, power, fame and glory. I strongly recommend that you join us in the Illuminati. Joining the Illuminati comes with a lot of benefits(1 million $) to start a better life with your family. Do you accept the offer?”

I must admit I am sorely tempted 😂