“Its life Jim but not as we know it”. Such a useful phrase from STOS and Spock’s words can be used in almost any occasion to express confusion over the exact nature of almost anything now. And things are so often confusing and contradictory. The Donald though just keeps rolling like Ole man river meandering in the post truth age.
Friday was rehearsal of Sonic Boomers the covers band I play with and quite a work out. We use a Church in Stevenage. Then back in Church the next day but this time I attended a Nephews wedding in Buckingham (Caroline Alison’s sisters son). A bit of a landmark as a lot of the family have not seen me for 20 years or so. It all went well. Decent reception with good food. Jeremy is like his mum a very devout Christian (Church of the happy clappers type) and his new Mrs Becks is also. A farmers daughter that spent 10 years living in Bolivia. A pleasant enough day but modern hymns with a bloke playing guitar that all sounded like a compilation of the “Worst of indie/Brit pop ballads”. I did sing or attempted to do so as they had the words on large screens and a lady reverend of about 50 that had a proper northern accent and was most pleasing of countenance taking the service. A decent reception in The Heyford (really nice food) and lots of chat and then home. We escaped just before the line dancing started So a different sort of day.
I am suffering a bit with the high pollen count now though. Got the first gig booking for 2027 if I am spared as a good friend often says.
Sleepy time again.. I was deep in concentration though, actually listening.
Life plays us in a sense, we push too hard one way and it resists us and forces us off course far to often.
“There is a tide in the affairs of men, Which taken at the flood, leads on to fortune; Omitted, all the voyage of their life Is bound in shallows and in miseries. On such a full sea are we now afloat, And we must take the current when it serves, Or lose our ventures.
W Shakespeare.
Might seem a little odd, but I think maybe for a while I will not try and be pro-active and seek stuff. I will just carry on writing and recording my own stuff, do Invisible Folk Band projects and take any gigs I get offered that its practical to do. But I am giving up the hunt. If the stars align for something new and magical again great, but if they don’t.. It feels as if I am surrounded it seems by time wasters again. What a surprise. You try and you just don’t get a hand up. Sometimes it has to be all or nothing. You have to bet the farm. There is no risk free life, ever.
That’s sort of a complete 180 degree turn from what I was trying to achieve but a couple of years back to be honest, but at this stage doing what I really want to is the best way to go now.
I am eccentric and quixotic in terms of how I approach things at times and my strong points are also weak spots as I am never really going to be bland. Some people want bland though. I like working with people to make a thing that’s more than the some of its parts if possible. Also I am not a perfectionist so I would rather be getting it 80% or 90% right than labouring for ever to get that 99.99% There is not much to be done I guess. I can have good days with very little arthritis type pain then a really bad day. Often with no rhyme or reason. Much like the depressive episodes which just pop up out of nowhere. On bad days the arthritis is quite debilitating. Other days I feel quite normal. Although I moan about it I do have gigs and music projects. Its just my social life that’s a little bit lacking.
I have certain innate abilities but that also makes me a bit lazy. Maybe there is a spot for me in some new ‘thing’ but tis the fates which must decide, but it seems unlikely.
A song about feeling scared like so many of us are right now.
I am becalmed but not calm…
For me personally my issue is that I lack people not projects I guess. Everybody in the Boomers (my covers band) are busy with family/Church and volunteering stuff a lot of the time. All very worthy, but totally different to my situation and life really. I am slightly introvert but enjoy company, but I have always found making friends difficult. I am not sure its really fixable at my age. Non-transactional friends I suppose I mean is what I need so company for no particular reason, rather than say music buddies. Of course they might be both I suppose?
A poem:
Was That You?
Funny I never realised but its been so long.
How are you then, alive at least.
I thought you were really someone else.
Maybe it shows how slow I am now
And the world is not the same and it seems to spin much faster
the days turn into disaster.
I should have called out and said hello or ahoy there or maybe even There she blows, but I didn’t.
Just silence and a lingering stare. Not sure I caught your eye,
or perhaps I did and you were politely ignoring me for mental health and safety’s sake? So now I am convinced it was you but I didn’t ask so I cant be 100% sure, maybe I should have asked to see that scar
Well at least it did today. Not sure for how long if it depends on the quixotic notions of DJT though.
Just been to Clophill lake’s with Alison. Very busy there. Bumped into Steve that briefly drummed with Delta Gypsy’s and his Mrs. A bright Sunny bank holiday Monday. I am very much in space cadet territory at present mentally though.
Time seems to be passing very rapidly now. A moment ago it was late autumn is how it feels to me. I do have a few gigs and rehearsals coming up though so that should keep me a little bit more grounded hopefully. Its strange watching a moon mission again after so long a time. I had a map of the moon on the wall when I was a kid. Shame I don’t still have it. Got my teeth cleaned (ouch) but OK.
“Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you” Matthew 7:7-8 (KJV)
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