Well, a funny old day. I couldn’t settle to anything at all. Slight gloom ensued. I am sleeping OK but still waking up tired at present. What I notice is if I am out and doing stuff I feel OK but at home although I am nowhere near as anxious as I have been for a long time I do feel very tired. Again though if I am beavering away making a recording or writing music or learning something new I am fine. So how much is depression and how much is actually physiology in all this? I can get energy to do stuff, but once I have run through my to do list, its like my strings have been cut and I collapse in a heap.

BTW I had a funny dream and at the end of it I was on a wooden boat with Donald Trump and others in NY harbour near the statue of liberty and it was sunk, and the Donald was saying don’t launch the missiles they will destroy us all as we are at the target. We were all bobbing around in life jackets at that point, then I woke up… It was so real.

I should have gone out again today as being in a lot seems to put me out of sorts a bit. I had a quick walk around the block but even with several layers the cold got to me. Even being out for 20 minutes makes a difference though I find. Sometimes when I am feeling a bit low I sort of lock up and stop doing anything. Usually at that point the mournful thoughts creep up. Having been very busy with various music and related projects and having finished those, I did not want to plough straight in to the next thing and sort of thought about going out but didn’t.

I have been working on some music, I feel half dead but that’s OK. A song that’s developing nicely so far. It’s the case that creatively I do better if I have switch off and refresh. yesterday was a bit like that and half today I was also mentally off line.

Music 🎶

• Good Sense Of Humour
  A song about when your love thinks you're a clown but you don't care, so you sing a happy song
• Tell Me What Did I Do To You
  Slow rock ballad
• No More Excuse
  No More Excuses because you are bad. Slightly Gospel Blues feel song
• Mostly Grey Or Gray
  Mostly Grey Or Gray by Diana Stone
• A Place You Will Never Find
  A peaceful violin and electronica instrumental vibe.
• Feeling The Fear
  A song about feeling the fear and running away, but its not far enough.
• Still Fire Inside
  A song about feeling the blood rushing and the spirit still rises with that special person.
• Show Me Something I Can Believe In
  Pop world vibe
• I Know You Will Bite Me
  A song about when you know somebody is dangerous no matter what they say.
• Christmas Jingle Thing No1
  Electronica Christmas Music

Those were the days 😉

Lovely evening at Radbourne Folk Club last night again with the Invisible Folk Club Band Jonathan Bickley Phil Beavis Milo Richard Downs. yea fun. We played 5 songs at Redbourn folk club as a 4 piece. It was good fun… But on the drive back 25 minute delay due to road works on the M1. Didn’t have my google maps on so I didn’t see the jam until it was too late…



I have repaired my car mirror now which fell of earlier in the week. All fitted including electric demist bits. Go me. Only £15 for bits as opposed to £150 replacement unit. Mild Hurrah.

News of the weirds

Almost everybody I have known that were in favour of Brexit are saying they are voting Reform. Weirdly I have had to block a lot of trans people who have turned out to be some of the worst offenders ranting about ‘illegal’s’ a phrase imported from the US. I come from working class roots (until 10 years old a family of 5 living in 2 rooms with no bathroom In Brixton) and have no formal education and over my life time have mostly scraped by. Until I was 61 I lived in London. Locally I knew nobody that voted for Brexit.

On the night of the referendum I was playing a gig in a small bar in the south of France with a mixed audience of local French and a few exe pats. The reaction from the French as results came in was that England was in the grip of some form of mass insanity. At a gig two days later in Pub in London we greeted with drunks braying about how they had ‘Won’. A very depressing evening and they could not explain to me what they had won? Having played music in pubs around the UK that’s my personal experience.I should point out that Brexit decimated the music industry as small acts like myself could no longer easily tour in Europe. Even the farmers shot themselves in the foot. Everybody in the UK got a pamphlet which outlined what leaving would mean in terms of the economy and much more. They chose to ignore it. Many were people who never voted in elections. Also the referendum was advisory, so frankly parliament should not have enacted it as it was and has been contrary to the greater good.

Yes, a lot of younger people are finding that moneys too tight to mention and it is mostly about housing. Also a lot of jobs have gone forever and more will be very soon. The next job cull is in admin and customer service all of which can be done about 90% with AI…

Here’s a track from a few years back that I recorded that I rather like.

I had a bad night couldn’t get to sleep until 04.30. That’s not happened for years. A combination of anxiety, arthritis playing up and feeling very depressed about a lot of things that are completely outside of my control. Some of the things bothering me are primarily down to my own shortcomings but everybody can’t do everything.

Generally I look at my the posts on my socials most mornings before I get out of bed. Recently I have often been moved to tears by both the good and the bad. I can’t say I have a faith though I feel that perhaps there is more to the world than we see day to day and maybe something beyond that binds us. Most people will still hold out a hand to help I would hope though perhaps many don’t through fear which is also understandable of course.

Got my pedometer today. seem seems to work quite well. What I am interested in is how many steps I take on a day when I am at home. It looks so far like quite a few. I shall see what it adds up to in a week.

Music wise a thought: My voice has always been weird so any more quirky aspects are usually an improvement and I only have a reliable octave and half. I sing but I sure ain’t no singer at times. But I can make it work in the context of what I do though.

I went to Morrisons and the left wing mirror glass fell out on the way back 😂 Got to love old cars. A new one has been ordered…