March Onwards

Musings

Truth…

“That desire which is in us all to better other people’s condition by having them think as we think.”

Mark Twain.

“The world breaks everyone and afterward many are strong at the broken places.”
-A Farewell to Arms, 1929

Ernest Hemingway

A new piano tune:

My doing nothing is really not nothing but it feels a bit like it at present. Writing music, recording it, releasing on line. Actual real people listening to it. Some messaging me with quite thoughtful comments. That’s not so bad. Yes I am a bit more achy this year, so live leaping about may well need to be kept to sensible limits. But the old ways don’t work any more. I had a conversation with Brian the guitar player in our covers band about music and we are about a year and a bit apart in age. We both enjoy playing but we have limitations in terms of energy now. Rehearsal was good but tiring. The bands good but just doesn’t play enough to be match fit in some respects. It was obvious to me that Brian was like me exhausted before he even got there. Covid did rob me of a few years of decent gigs but the lockdown allowed me to take my on line music to a much higher level and reach. How I feel about stuff has changed. This year in particular. As I said before I don’t need to chase unicorns and rainbows. I will just do what I do until I cant or I feel its not good anymore. I am in uncharted territory now. I am now 5 years older than I ever predicted I would be. I am softening my attitudes.

One of my online music websites has now just gone over the 100,000 plays mark. So across all the different outlets that provide stats I can verify its now about 300,000 plus. So weirdly I travel hardly anywhere now or gig yet these people do listen. Many are much younger than I am. A lot are in war zones too. They would I suspect be quite disappointed if my actual wrinkly self were to manifest in person to perform. I am getting quite reclusive now. I don’t expect even having got thus far to have the kind of longevity that you have so attempting to kick of another live act from scratch seems a nugatory effort certainly at present as the effort versus the returns no longer seems worth it. So I shall let my mind wander where it will. Bit tired. Not so depressed recently despite aches and pains. At present just plodding on with my own music doings. I think it may actually be enough that people do listen to my music and seem to enjoy or get something from it. I am definitely feeling my age more recently. Exercises are useful of course but they cant fix approaching 60 years worth of bent spine. My back went peculiar just after puberty pretty much. I was tired after last night’s exertions at rehearsals so I slept right through...

What’s that?

Yes, its another one of those. I wonder how it got in?

Strange Days Indeed Reprised

Musings

I have had a slightly frustrating week with not too much achieved again to be honest. Having decided to not pursue frustrating but ultimately dead ends further there is a bit of a void right now. I haven’t been out for 4 days and I haven’t felt like it either. I have had a very weird week mood wise. Mildly depressed but doing stuff and somewhat confused about what to do, where to go next. I am drifting a bit.

The latest middle east US/Israel war on Iran has just kicked off too sadly.
It never gets any better does it?

Isaiah 2:4 (KJV): “And he shall judge among the nations, and shall rebuke many people: and they shall beat their swords into ploughshares, and their spears into pruninghooks: nation shall not lift up sword against nation, neither shall they learn war any more”.

Today I have been staring out of the windows a lot in-between other stuff.
There is a saying “Its not over till its over”. But what if its over and nobody told you. Maybe you just didn’t get the memo? I am a little bit in lockdown mode again. I think my decision to not actively seek other musical opportunity’s at present was a sensible one. I can always change my mind but will remain open to offers so to speak. I have been chasing stuff solidly for about 3 years or so and apart from working with people I already know nothing has worked out really. I thought it was something I was doing wrong but I have realised it really isn’t. Of course the voice in my head will still always say “I haven’t done enough” though.

So I will just try and float on the breeze for a while at least as its better for my self-esteem and mental health. Maybe when the weather improves I will visit a few old haunts. I am at a tipping point of some sort. I don’t want to drive my self crazy just banging my head against the wall if possible. And certainly in the first couple of months of this year time has caught up with me a little plus concern abut Alsions various health issues problems.

Endings Perhaps

Musings


When I am getting on with stuff I can be happy enough to be honest. But I am giving up something in the sense that the almost fanatical gig at any price (tired, long journeys, not feeling well and so forth) me has really started to fade away. I have enough oomph for it to be alright on the night still but its a different world now for me personally and I cant approach it all in the same way anymore.

If my online stuff does well enough than maybe they will pick me up in a limo occasionally 😂

A few more significant people (proper writers musicians/composers) have taken a bit of an interest in my music in the last year to date. There is a tipping point and it may be that I am getting near to the threshold of being ‘seen’ to an extent, but more likely its just a blip. What’s redundant to be honest is chasing the live gigs, there will be some of course and I am not going to turn opportunity’s down when they do occur of course. But literally 1000s of people have heard and sometimes seen me play/perform that I would never play to face to face. I can expand on this certainly. Its is possible though that if I do live opportunity’s will eventually present themselves again but maybe not pubs so much.

I will not give up music unless forced to by ill health. I can expand on the video side of things considerably (I haven’t really fully embraced that yet) and it maybe that I should put energy into that. I do need more human interaction generally though of course. Well, we all have to adapt at some point. And let go of the old redundant ways though its hard to do.

Too much is never enough they say…

Diana Stone on vocals

I have had a bad day or two recently to be honest. Nothing to hold on to in the storm is how I am feeling right now. I do envy a little people of faith and their certainty. I am very unsure and currently very much battered by the winds of insanity… At times I do get a little crazy and that is where I am right now to be honest. Irritable and a bit paranoid and anxious.

1 John 4:18 (KJV): “There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear: because fear hath torment. He that feareth is not made perfect in love”.

.