So what’s occurring then? Search me gov I haven’t got a clue? I had a good gig with Sonic Boomers and that really lifted my spirits. Like the old days for a moment or two 🙂
At times like this is very important not to take yourself too seriously.My heads often buzzing with stuff. What it means is that I often can’t switch off and relax. Sometimes there is just too much mental racket going on. Bad back as soon as I got out of bed so I attacked it vigorously with the magnesium ointment and its worked? Extraordinary, perhaps magic pixies were invoked somehow as it worked very quickly. The last few months particularly I seem to preoccupied with stuff. There is nothing wrong with having a plan but one can get to the stage where one is just trying to obsessively control everything. My egos a bit fractured in a sense and often I am trying to prove something to people that actually don’t care anyway. I think that’s a hangover from childhood. Funny old day. Started feeling quite upbeat but now I am falling towards gloomy again. Strange old world. I have a quiet week but with 2 gigs at the end of it which is perfect really.

I got a new battery for my old Citroen. The AA guy said the car started well, just did a 5 mile test drive and its running smoother on idle as well. It might that the fault was being caused by voltage drops, but I will drive it about a bit before trusting it too much. Maybe it will be OK.

I was a political moron for about 35 years of my life. I am fortunate to have been gifted a relatively quick and agile mind but I do tend to think in black and white terms a bit at times. My strength is also my weakness. Old Musky boy sees things as very simple, I am clever I should be in charge. Do what I say and it will be good for you because I have lots of brains, I have the best brains. Just ask the Donald

Somedays its weird and I feel like I am in a film with a very unconvincing script. The one thing that no longer scares me is looking foolish. I am being to feel more and more like the court jester and maybe I will embrace that role a little more in life. Do no harm and maybe make people laugh a little too. That may all sound a bit gnomic but it means something to me.
I am getting an increase in listeners on my music streaming on some songs. Its as if suddenly I have become “visible” over the static. I don’t know yet if it’s just a blip though. It may just be a weird anomaly or that I am for some brief moment reflecting things people are feeling. Perhaps it’s like a stopped clock being right twice a day…. More young listeners now too.

We are heading towards either a great enlightenment or a great disaster and disappointment.
I wonder which one?

It is a bit brighter here now. The Daffodils are out on the veranda. Here is a song for you all.

I was thinking the other day about ways to save money when it hit me. For whatever time is left to me I will probably be OK financially if western civilisation does not collapse. Obvious of course and I won’t be going on any world cruises but short of that money is not the worry it was. if I get overdrawn occasionally who cares Its all a game init. So we might as well enjoy what we can? I won a competition for best Instrumental with a streaming service music website I used. Thats nice as I usually don’t win things. It has a small but useful prize. $120 of promotions. Cool.

I have been using a mood tracking app for about 18 days or so now and It’s already showing what looks like it might be a pattern of mood swings. They are not related to events it seems. I won’t know much until I have used it for about 3 months or so but there is a sort of just over a week cycle of Irritability and anxiety looking at what I can see so far. So I suspect it’s not going to be something I can do much about predicting other than I feel Ok for about 4 to 5 days then wallop I get stressed and anxious and/or depressed. Well I sort of knew that already…

I think what it is started to show is that its not connected much to external triggers so avoiding doing things that I think might stress/upset me may not have any effect. But once I have got the pattern established I should be able to predict it a little and that may be useful for me. Because its fast cycling bi-polar with added extra anxiety. The difficult part to manage is the manic side and the irritability that goes with it. that causes far more problems than the depressive part of the cycle.

I just woke up after dosing of at the computer and wrote a little tune on the piano (just came straight into my head out of the blue), so I have been hastily scribbling it down. It may well be a song about to bud… Having some ability to write and read music is really useful at times.

A friend brings up the old chestnut of there being no free speech, whilst at the same time writing about it on Facebook.

People in the shadows will remain there. It terms of restrictions nobody I know of is stopped from saying anything in the UK. I can if I so whish criticise publicly anyone be they prince or pauper or cat or king. There are rules allowing whistle blowers in large organisations and government to bring to light issues. Free Speech is not a licence to oppress or insult or abuse minority’s or to make false accusations with no consequence. There are some people who have restrictions on what they can talk about in government, the civil service, forces and so forth but only in relation to specific areas of their work.

You have free speech demonstrably being able to write what you wish in public in the UK.

What you do not have is the right to make public allegations that may be deliberately false or malicious or to make threats of violence or death threats.

I have had blogs and websites starting in 1998. In all that time nobody has ever stopped me from publishing opinions on anything. For part of that time I worked at the Home Office and the only restrictions I was under related to information directly related to my work that could have potentially been used for criminal or malicious purposes.

The biggest problem, (but it has always been so) is that most media news outlets are not independent of course.

This is a place I was not expecting to arrive at and where we go from here is another matter entirely. I have had a few recurring health issues that are making life a bit less fun. I am frustrated as I am just not able to do what I was planning on so easily. Some issued seem to be anxiety triggered as well. There is an underlying cause I am sure, but one that I don’t see any way of resolving at present. Also I can’t get what’s going on in the world out of my head. That’s in part due to my isolation to a degree.

I realised very recently that it’s not just my physical reserves that have dwindled but also my resolve generally and I can’t deal with emotional issues so well. If Vicky and I had been able to keep gigging a few more years we would I suspect by now have reached the limit. There is a huge gulf between what we would like to do and what we are still capable of. I can still play OK, but I am all about avoiding stress now. This band is mostly low maintenance so I can just let them chug along hopefully. My personal life is OK. My partner is good company when I need it so I am not lonely. She is comfortable enough though it is looking as she will end up not driving sooner rather than later. She doesn’t enjoy it now. So getting the other car back on the road may well be just to sell it if possible.

In the days when I was gigging 3 or 4 days a week and going with Vicky to get new gigs and help with interviews for Blues Matters and stuff I was in a very small flat but it did not matter as I was only in about 3 days a week day or so at most. So the environment did not matter so much as I was distracted by the other stuff going on. I would go barking mad if we were living there now.
We have space and every convenience on hand. Yesterday we had our first bulk supermarket delivery here. Makes life a lot easier.

Music pretty much has taken over my life. Writing it, playing it, recording it and listening too it. I just wish I had the stamina I had ten years back. So it’s my thing and it helps keep me sane (to a degree)