I had been feeling a bit healthier for a couple of months, but seem to have lapsed back somewhat. Over the weekend I had a bit of a flair up which was hard going as we had 3 gigs in a row. They were all pretty well received too. Its difficult to know how much exercise is the right amount as well as keeping mobile and active helps quite a bit but particularly activity’s like driving and using the computer can make seem to make it worse.

Hopefully the bone density test and scan will provide some answers on the best course of action. Having had industrial quantity’s of Vitamin D3 for 9 months the bone should have built up somewhat but others so afflicted say it can take a couple of years to really get fixed, if you have micro-fractures, which is what makes it painful. Anti-depressants might help but my Dr seems to be a bit set against it, though I am not sure why.

The damper and colder weather seems to have made it worse too. Keeping mobile but not lifting anything too heavy with a fair amount of stretching seems to help.

Paradoxically on gig on Sunday night, although I arrived feeling very rough, I was bouncing around like a spring chicken by the end. It was a very physical gig too, and quite energetic, so maybe its the endorphins perhaps easing it?

The cumulative effect is that my mood is quite low,(sort of in the sub-basement really). We are having a band rehearsal a bit later on today, to fine tune a couple of things that are slightly rough in performance. If we weren’t it would be a temptation to go back to bed and stay there believe me.

The sky has that grey cloud cover that I remember from family holidays as a child when we would stay in some leaky caravan park, often in North Wales. We went to Betws y Coed a few times, and everything in memory seems more colorful somehow. Proust and all that don’t you know?

I also seem to have reached a musical hiatus as I have usually been quite busy with writing and recording stuff, apart from Elephant Shelf and the Delta Ladies, but find that I have very little enthusiasm though I did do a rough version of an idea that came into my head as I think it might grow in to a half-decent song, it was really an effort to get on and do it. That I think is a sign of the depression manifesting itself. I do have a routine of practice and learning stuff which I manage to keep going with though.

I think I do need a fairly radical change in the way I do things,as I feel I am on a downward spiral getting used to achieving less and less. Its possible that I need to get to know a few other people. I have plenty of social contact a lot of the time, but don’t have a friend a couple of doors away or a 5 minute drive that I can nip in and talk too, so there is a certain sense of isolation. I also need to start clearing out stuff from the flat as a prelude to selling up and moving. London has not got too much appeal these days and I rarely gig in London so its not exactly critical. I not thinking of moving too far though. Somewhere just outside the M25 would do and there are a few possibility’s.

There is a a lot of redundant stuff that needs to go though…

I worked out that over all the websites and music sites that I have material for download on I have about 195 different songs (excluding stuff with Elephant Shelf and the Delta Ladies) and instrumental works available as downloads, that over the last ten years or so. My first download was on line around 2000 though I had my first website in 1998. I did my first digital recording around 2003, when I got my first decent PC. On one level I think I may have gone as far with it as fiat allows for the present and a change of scene/environment is necessary.

I might even paint something again, I am rubbish at the visual arts but have enjoyed the process in the past.

What I would really like to do when I move is have a room where I can put all the studio stuff, as presently it occupies about 1/3rd of my lounge and its becoming a bit impractical to do stuff without tripping over things