Well against all the laws of probability my car passed the MOT test. Did not see that coming so I have had my car nearly 10 years now, but as I only gig infrequently these days its in semi-retirement. More and more I want to retreat from everything and be a recluse apart from gigs right now. A musical friend had a heart attack recently, he is OK though. He also has had MS for years. Managed to teach himself to play guitar again after he got MS after being told he wouldn’t be able to. Knowing him he will be back out and gigging again.

I have found myself being brutally honest with people a lot in the last couple of years, though I do try to avoid upsetting people. It hasn’t helped me much but I sort of know who I am now. That means I know my limits but also what I can do. I have never been about theory in the academic sense I am much more ‘Do stuff and sometimes figure it out later’ I feel very little guilt or shame about stuff I have or haven’t done any more. I hope I haven’t caused any unnecessary harm but nobody’s perfect? I have about as much as I can cope with really. I don’t dream of lost empires any more and I realise something’s that I do may well be nugatory exercises. But in the other hand little victory’s are all the sweeter for that.

In life life it’s often the case to never say never. Most of my life has worked in ways that mean I have done things I thought were impossible or that I absolutely thought I never would or should have. But I am from a different planet. Remember, the rule with me is absolutely ‘Don’t do what I do, and definitely don’t do what I say’ as that will get you into trouble. To be honest I pretty much do live the life I want within reason. Our home is private enough but not remote or secluded. Whilst I miss the regular gigs, I still get to play a few gigs and do creative stuff and am not starving. When I am not in too much pain or having a depressive episode its mostly good. And its confirmed now my LP will be available from 31/10/2025. I do wonder if I will be able to con anybody into buying it though? It does seem creatively I do rather more than many of my contemporaries. I do seem to have calmed down a bit over the last few months too. On good days is life is fair to middling.What I need more of is company and now that seems to be happening a little more and I am no longer feeling quite so isolated. Still got my demons of course but they are very familiar ones now. But what seems to have changed for me is that I do seem to be finding it much easier to talk to people that I used too, to a degree. If I can keep the melancholy at bay its OK…

Digital ID. Nope not a fan at all. In the present populist political climate I am not comfortable with this personally. I have a passport and a driving licence and that should be sufficient. If id cards are used for routine checks I believe that there is a huge risk of unscrupulous behaviour in government or misuse of information. With recent rhetoric and in particular the labour gov stifling debate generally among its own MPs my level of trust is marginal.This at least forces a proper debate on the matter. And undocumented people won’t have them anyway so it seems a bit pointless. If you are self-employed will you have to ID yourself to work?

A few projects are ticking along nicely, but I am behind with a few practical matters that must be dealt with. Today as I write this I am feeling a little bit off. Sometimes the world is just a difficult place to navigate.

Hopefully my LP will pass all its checks. Its due for release at Halloween though it’s not really at all spooky in my opinion.

I am a bit achy and tired. I played a gig with the Sonic Boomers at Sandy last night. Good fun and a decent stage too. Situation normal really. Funny dream. I had a long chat with HM Liz 11. She was making jokes and did a couple of funny impersonations. We were in a run down canteen/OAP lounge or similar. No idea where that one came from. Not being remotely a royalist that is kind of strange.

When you are getting old and grumpy and you ache a lot it’s hard not fall out with people however much you try. Well that’s my excuse and I am sticking to it.
Here is a new song:

All the devils are here

Because truly they are. . In the end we can’t make people like us or love us or even just stop them hating us can we. Also a lot of people don’t like it when we decide to do the things we want to rather than the ‘sensible’ things they think we should.

Migrant/Refugees/Asylum seekers.

You have to be desperate to get in an overloaded and possible leakey inflatable and cross one of the most congested seaways on the planet. The boats are now often over capacity so it is amazing people don’t drown before they have got halfway across. “The number of migrants per boat varies but is generally increasing, with the average for 2025 currently around 59 people per boat, though some boats have been recorded with over 100 migrants. In 2024, the average was 53 migrants per boat, and a record 98 migrants were on a single boat in October 2024. ” Getting on a rubber dingy that full is a real act of desperation, more so than ever with nature and amount of commercial shipping passing through the channel. So all you weekend warriors outside hostels (they are not really hotels anymore) would you take that chance for nothing? Would you thread your way across between oil and LPG tankers and container ships as high as blocks of flats that could send you straight to Davy Jones locker in an instant just like swatting a fly? Thought not. Still Football seasons starting soon though so all will be well.

It’s all fine here really, it is….

What do you do when there is something your are desperate for that is tantalisingly close and almost within reach but you know if you reach out to grab it everything might fall apart? That’s the place I find myself at presently. I am not sure how I got here but I am stuck and distracted again.