If only I could hit the the road again.

In what world of absolute fuckerry is required to wake people at 05:00 to weight them. Seriously. BP and stats make sense but don’t really require you to move or wake up. So instead of having a perfectly good sleep I am now wide awake. Its not like I am going to be anywhere else in 2 hours time..I am struggling again. My reserves are depleted now. Scared, not entirely rational and feeling very alone. I am about to start week 8 in hospital and cannot imagine ever going home again. I am past tears, a bit past hope. It’s just day to day survival now. People come and go but I remain feeling like I am in a warehouse waiting to be shipped having no idea where or when. Well another Saturday night in my room.

The odd distant rumble and crack of fireworks mostly unseen as we face south so away from Bedford. I do like to see fireworks but appreciate that animals are often very distressed by them. They are then best at an organised display and do not need to be loud. So sad to hear the news from Krakow tonight too of course.The world seems very disturbed right now

Away but only in my dreams to be honest. I am still waiting to see when i get a date for Papworth. Don’t think I will hear this weekend somehow. Patience is required right now.
I nearly upset a friend by answering a question too honestly.who we are and are driven by very different needs and upbringing of course. As a child I was not particularly sociable but usually had on friend. At infants school I had a friend called Belinda who was often my companion for games of imagination for quite a while. I did stay close to my mother whilst at home and once I learnt to read did become somewhat bookish.

Time passes and I wait. Yep. I am totally wrecked again psychologicaly. So I just have to stop thinking about stuff 🙃 Lots of octogenarians go home after procedures here. Plus already met 2 90 year olds one perfectly ok with diabetites had a new pacemaker. Then there is me. Waiting and stiil scared. Very scared. I cannot say much more than that as all my cleverest words desert me now.

No clever words.

So near and so far from home from home. Just a mile and a bit from my home, I haven’t been back there for 6 weeks or so now. That feels strange I have to say. A better day today at least. Slept Ok last night and ate well to. First time in weeks. Still on the antibiotics though till the end of this week. Then maybe next week the big push. Still a scary thought. The only way home requires a further journey both literally and figuratively and that is daunting. Still meanwhile a rest first is allowed.I type social media stuff and write my blog and watch vintage films on tv and the day passes quickly. Hospital routine steadily chugs along with some familiar faces and some not so much. The drips, injections,blood tests every day. The regular stats BP and so forth unchanging.Here I have developed a taste for coffee as tea no longer suits me. Strange but true. Perhaps one day my tastes will change back. I watch in great surprise the outcome of the Us on mid terms.Trump despite the losses seems affable like the TV presenter he once was and when finally asked questions is polite and relaxed. The world seems strangely transformed since I entered my place of solitude though isolated I have many visitors but they leave and I am envious of their freedom to do so..

Well, here i am watching the world go by from my window looking south across Bedford. A little bit of a hint of late autumn sunshine. So many pills, some good.news and some bad in equal measure, but ultimately moving slowly forward towards hopefully a better place. Keeping it together is though not so easy. No pretty pictures from.her .Todays breakfast starts with this little lot. My little plastic pot of delights 6 pills.
Then after lunch a similar offering.
This is indeed a garden of earthly delights. Bonus, only one stabbing for two vials of blood today. Result.🤣
They did a fair attempt at lunch today with Coliflower Chese and Chocolate sponge with custard. If you are appreciate of prison food or school dinners you will love it.

Stay tuned for the next exciting episode. Same time, same channel
Love you all. ❤️