Category Archives: Musings

If It’s A Fight You Want You Have Already Lost It.

Today I got stressed again. So here is a new song I just finished because why not. I need a distraction. Currently I am starting to work on reducing my anxiety triggers with a bit off desensitisation therapy. I am not sure how much it will help but I need to try. I am still getting hung up on stuff or triggered a lot. And losing my temper. I just can’t handle things too well right now. But maybe it’s still “Feel the fear and do it anyway”. Maybe I am fighting myself though? Feels like it at times. I have a lot of anger in me that is just under the surface. Its to do with being/feeling powerless and it’s a hangover from when I was growing up, but it’s never gone away. Ho hum. I just can’t flush it from the system like lime scale in a kettle almost.

Are we are on the brink?

You Can Never Go Back

Orchard took a trip out to Pete Suttons open mike at The Farmer’s Boy, St Albans and we played a few songs and jolly good fun it was so thanks for having us. I remember the Farmers Boy well as it was one of the regular places for Elephant Shelf and The DELTA LADIES a while back. I think I last played there about 2013 so a very long time ago. A very hot day and I was in a real brain fog when I got there but I woke up when we actually started to play. Odd to be back and find nothing changed in 10 years or so. However it was a pleasant diversion for a summer evening and we got some decent applause. I don’t feel as though much will come of it through. “Do or do not, there is no try” though I guess.

It's not where you start its where you finish. Ford Popular.

It’s not where you start it’s where you finish.

The very hot weather of the last couple of days has abated which is a relief. But now there is a very high pollen level. Sniff, sniff, drip, drip…
I am working on a new track in between the above. Slow trancy synth stuff with a vocal. Not sure if I like it yet, but it’s growing on me. Maybe with a bit of fettling it might work out. Anyway back to the future is just a movie sadly. We can’t really go back and fix what’s F******d. Can we make it? I am not sure.

“Divine Ruler, to whom peace belongs. Master of Peace, Creator of all things. May it be thy will to put an end to war and bloodshed on earth, and to spread a great and wonderful peace over the whole world, so that nation shall not lift up sword against nation, neither shall they learn war anymore”.

Right Leg, Left Leg and Robin Hood

I played at the first performance of a friends pantomime. Robin Hood created by Jon Bickley who wrote the play and the songs. I am one of the musicians in the loose collective that is the Invisible Folk Club band that performed them for the show. I had said that getting opportunity’s to play gigs generally were getting very much rarer whenJon asked me how I was doing and suggested diversification generally. I said my problem was not lack of creative outlets but simply missing live performance.I mentioned the fact that so many of the gigs at pubs and so forth were just not there to be had anymore. It makes one feel a bit irrelevant.I enjoyed the show yesterday. Playing for a pantomime that was actually pretty funny was a good new experience.

It does seem that there are really only two sorts of retirees. I will use that term loosely but it sort of fits. There are the pipe and slippers people who seem perfectly happy and then the what now tribe. I am a what now, but of stock with a small trace of pipe and slippers in the DNA. Not wanting a Bilbo Baggins grand adventure but needing a bit more. Yes I am adapting but my metamorphosis is not yet complete. But even yesterday’s event is a step towards something different. My journey is slightly more problematic due to the depressive element as always there is a voice saying why bother. Sometimes it’s a loud voice and sometimes a whisper.
Knowing who I am is useful but not the superpower that I had hoped it would be.

So as I write this it’s a quiet day sorting stuff out. Plus a brief walk and a bit of musical maneuvering too.