There are a lot of really unhinged mostly xenophobic people on Facebook and for some reason I seem to get a lot of friend requests from them. Quite why I should be honored in such away I am unsure. I am also a tad mentally becalmed or at least making very little headway but for very different reasons of course. Creatively I have had a busy year and now I feel a bit drained. As I said previously I need to get out a bit more where people are but I feel a bit reticent to do so when it comes to the act rather than the deed at the moment. It’s that fear of rejection thing in my case. I do need to expand my comfort zone as I have been trying a bit too much to avoid stress and sort of shut myself off with a bit of a wall around me. I need to loosen up a bit I think but the question is how though. Still ploughing on with the day to day though, music and what not. And oh my it’s cold out… I had a migraine this morning but the visuals have worn off but my head still hurts and I feel tired. I have plodded on with things a bit though.

Here is my wish list which I feel can only be achieved by an occurrence of serendipity. My ideal musical partner (to expand my horizon) would be someone that can play a bit (preferably guitar but ability on other instrument as well might be a plus as that will complement violin and or keyboard) maybe also sing in tune. Read a lead sheet/chord sheet so that they can learn new stuff without it taking forever. I have met people who play well but just cant learn anything other than what they already know. Happy to play/sing originals and covers. If they were also a writer/composer that would work if not an ego tripping loon. Not frightened of their own shadow. Ideally a male musician as doubles as chaperone/bodyguard assistant lifter of heavy things. Also particularly in a duo format it tends to look right. Not frightened to busk (as in play stuff you don’t know really well, not the freezing you extremities’ off with a hat in street) or improvise a bit. There are lots of people like that, but guess what they are all already in a band it seems.

In my dreams santa brought me this even though I was very very naughty 🙂
imagine all the fun you could be having if you were in my band….

Its just that time of year again I guess really and nothing more. Everything stops but mostly it starts again. I never really stop doing stuff. If something fails completely then a sideways move or possibility can sometimes appear out of the blue, often at a point where one feels everything is rusted and seized up beyond redemption. I looked at a few old diary entries for this time of year and stuff happened but little was achieved it seemed to be honest. I have a stronger sense of things ending generally this year than I usually do at this time of year, a physical and metaphorical feeling in my bones one might say… But is it simply that usual winter feeling? Probably. I realised that it’s time to stretch my comfort zone again and expand it a bit to try and feel a bit less stuck again. I have been playing it very safe recently i think and I do need to really try and mix a bit more socially again but I have been literally shying away.

Its that thinking time of year again, not so much for grand plans but more just reviewing the old years events at its end and wondering a little bit about the coming one. My personal worlds boundary has shrunk a bit. Not a sudden thing but events nibble away sometimes at ones confidence and reversing that trend is not always so easy. The risk is doing something really risky or silly in a mad moment for me right now.

You will be expecting a new tune no doubt so as not to disappoint here it is:

Today did not go to plan but Ho hum… Plans indeed. So one foot in front of the other and try to keep sane I guess. These inbetween days are difficult as whilst I am occupied its fine but thoughts wander to the sad and also rather odd places between dreams and desires that cannot be satisfied without the risk of raining down destruction in a careless moment.

The familiar cry that it’s not fair echoes through the land as the Tommy/Farage/Brexiteer fanboys and girls (mustn’t be sexist 🙂 ) shout about the destruction of an English society that never really existed. Certainly not one I have seen in my 68 years on this planet to date, fuelled and sponsored by proxies of the wealthy who fund division for their own ends. Make the little people fight and keep them divided has always been the game. England was built on this premise and convincing the cannon fodder to go along with it has now never been easier. The politics of the school bully in the playground reign supreme at present. Literally and figuratively so it seems in the case of Nigel Farage’s school days. Private schools in England are still a gateway to much denied to others of ability. Look at many elected politicians who seem to provide reasonable evidence to support this hypothesis. Punching down at minority’s or ridiculing them is as much a part of class privilege as hunting, shooting and fishing still it seems. Once again art/music and much the cannon fodder are encouraged not to pursue buy any means possible. Music education cut to the bare minimum in schools and so forth.
What will happen when there are very few jobs left in say 20 years as most can and will be automated.
Who will be able to buy the stuff produced…
In another life many years ago I happened to meet the head of a very large utility company who’s arrogance was mind bending which was only matched by their total inability to understand a concept that a 5 year would be able to grasp. I used to naively think that people got to positions of power because they had some special quality or ability. Sadly this is not so much the case. For many its luck and being the person that shouts loudest in the room.
A car brought new costs more that half the cost of a house in some poorer parts of the UK. Some people are doing very well indeed and of course there is nothing wrong with that but even the average comfortably off family are bombarded with xenophobic propaganda daily. In the last few years Trans people have also been targeted too. To what end. To keep control, to keep society divided, to keep the little people fearful and frightened. We see the perfect example of this in the USA where a man who has criminal convictions is elected president by those that are now disadvantaged because if it. He told them that the ‘Elite’ was the enemy and he is of course part of that elite. We see the same sort of thing happening in the UK now too of course.
In truth the division in English society has always been there except that now everybody with a smartphone can join in the hue and cry broadcasting hate far and wide. Are people worse than they used to be?
I doubt it somehow, it is just that now they chose to share hate freely with a few jabs of a finger and thumb.
What I do suggest is that if you happen upon some outlandish claim or great threat is that you research it a little rather than take your lead from some provocateur news pundit who makes a living from stoking the fires.
I wish you all a peaceful and perhaps prosperous new year for 2026…