Yes it really did. And it stopped raining too. I am still tired though.

Its weird to be honest. I have sort of zoned out the last few days after my anxiety thing on Wednesday night. I feel sort odd mentally. It was a bit cathartic as it brought into focus that I have mentally been pushing myself a bit too hard. Basically doing lots of doing is good on one level for mental health but not when it becomes a source of anxiety of its own.

last night I did work on some music and my sister Beverley rang in the middle of it. Rather than say I was busy I talked to with her for an hour then went back to what I was doing. It may well have worked better in musical terms for taking a break before carrying on. I have a frantic drive to finish things and sometimes perhaps it is detrimental to the finished product.

I think it may stem from things like having my art portfolio destroyed at school just before the exam so maybe subconsciously I am trying to “do it before they can stop me”? Today I went back to a song I have already released and did a remastered version. I have tended not to revisit things. There is a certain psychological thing making me go at everything like a bull in a China shop maybe?

I got some very nice feedback on an old song recently from a Facebook buddy so I listened to it again and decided it was actually a fairly decent piece of work and better than I remembered and that is always encouraging and up lifting. I am not sure how to rebalance my life but I do need to a bit as I live a lot in my head at times and for me perhaps now a trifle too much introspection is not a good thing and I am thinking slightly morbid thoughts a lot recently.

I have hit a brick wall of sorts now.

Old age fucking or just fucking old age, chance would be a fine thing No ones safe when grandma discos on the rampage… “I’ll fight the army and the navy, just give me my gin” If I knew 40 years ago what I know now, I would have got myself in such a fine mess. Hallelujah. Oh my lord. Everyday I feel like I am turning more and more into cartoon character.

Valentines day has passed and I am recording stuff. its slowly coming together Ok. My energy is kind of elbow low though. That’s not helping. Tea break maybe? Other distractions may also be available.