I know I say this every year but I am going to try and do a mental re-group and get some sort of a plan together to plug the gaps in my musical life. But I just haven’t got the energy somehow at present to be honest, both mentally and physically. Midwinters not the time for starting new ventures or setting out on a quest is it really? Random thought of the day. Things do change and we find it hard to accept them. At the time of writing would have been Vicky’s 78 birthday. The last trip Vicky and I did back from French gigs was 618 miles home and we did it in about 12 hours. No sweat. In fact we did it twice in trips instead of staying overnight halfway in my much loved Picasso. Not sure I could do it now though that was in 2018 so not a million years ago. I do miss all that. I must have been quite mad. I feel I am retired but I do release music and also do recording collaborations’ plus I do still gig so in one sense I wonder how retired actually am? I am not so retired by some peoples standards perhaps. But on a lonely Saturday night I do feel very retired indeed as I write this.

Here’s a song. This year I have recorded 74 of my compositions so far. I guess I don’t get out enough. I also contributed to a couple of other artists tracks this year as well.

Here’s a new one of mine 🙂

Can You Give Me A Sign

It all depends on what metric you are using to define success, Money? Fame? Adulation… I am kind of pleased that people actually listen to my music as I never expected that really (and all over the world too it seems from the east to the west), though as I make music for myself, I am not sure I could write to order or in a particular style. I have a fan base of listeners that’s quite diverse in age, gender and so forth. I never expected to be playing the Albert Hall or the 02 and my prediction was correct as I have not played at either 😉 Also I was very late to the game so very few people have heard me live relative to those that have heard my recordings. The most fun I have had playing has always been in pubs to a handful of people. The most people I have ever played to would be between 500 to a 1000 at one festival but it was nowhere near as enjoyable. Would I have liked money and fame, well I can’t answer that because it hasn’t happened. I am driven or was but not to the degree that my more successful mates and it has to be said often hardworking mates have been. I think that there is an element of truth in the fact whilst it’s great to have achieved stuff, once you have ticked the box you have to find another box to tick and that may not be what makes you happy. We played the 100 club 5 times and went down brilliantly each time. By the time we played it last in 2018 I really was kind of bored. I enjoyed playing but didn’t feel the same buzz before or after. The first time it was beyond my wildest dreams.

My partner had been unwell after going in for a minor hospital day procedure and was quite unwell afterwards unexpectedly. That gave me a bit of a chill and made me think somewhat about what’s actually important. And today we have again had relentless rainfall again. Today I feel very reflective about things. I do seem to have spent more time time daydreaming in the last few weeks. Not so angry and not so stressed which is good but a little bit nostalgic. Maybe it’s just the short days and general sleepy vibe.

Bless us one and all, tis almost the season of enforced overeating, fake expressions of joy and familial love, annoying relatives and disappointed children and the distant howling of Mariah Carey and and frozen echoes of Wham. Carol singers spread dischord whilst performing “Whilst Shepard’s washed There Socks By Night” as rearranged by Schonberg as 12 tone serial music and Reform party Mps anxiously await their Christmas boxes from Santa Putin hoping they are not ticking and wonder why it is that Nigel says when they get them they must open them on the balcony. I am not a big fan of Christmas these days but I don’t begrudge others their joy in it. And the music is great too. Well some of it at least.

So take it easy where ever you are…